So there's this guy and we have been talking online for a couple of months and we are really close and everything and I think we like each other but I'm scared he's fed up with me.
I have bipolar (self diagnosed plus im genetically destined) so I switch moods really easily and for some reason he always ends up on the bad end of the stick. I think its because I talk to him like all the time and therefore he just happens to be there when I am in a foul mood. Sometimes I get really mad for no reason but my own and I end up ranting at him and making him feel as if he has done something wrong and he gets a bit upset with that and then I realize what I have done and I apologize and he says its okay because talking to me means he has to accept the good and the bad.
I have done this loads of times and I realize I was being selfish because even if I cant control it and I know he will accept and its not right at all so I stopped doing that about a week ago. And now I am realizing I do all these other things to make him mad or upset like I tell him about other guys even though i know it will make him jealous and sometimes I lie about things but then I tell him the truth a few weeks later but he swallows that and then pretty recently I tracked his IP address to try and find out his address. I managed to find out which area (plus city) he lives in and his internet provider but thats about it. And when I told him he got REALLY mad and upset and then I realized what I had done was kindaa an invasion of privacy esp since he wasnt ready to tell me yet. And we talked it out for about an hour and I said i understand how he feels etc and i could tell he was more upset than mad so i sent him some virtual cupcakes.
I begged him to forgive me and he said "I'll just accept it like I always do" and he was referring to all the other stuff I do that I say I'm sorry for (I really am) and then he leaves it. But now I feel like he is bottling his feelings up and that he will explode any moment. I feel like I'm just another burden to him. I have talked to him about this before and he says whenever I upset him or make him mad he always thinks of the times where I have done good and when we have had fun together or enjoyed each others company and then I say how can someone be so nice to me when I can be so horrible? And whenever we ARE in a good mood and he admits that he does like me I mention what about the bad stuff I do and he says he can handle it and that it only happens 20% of the time (actually happens around 70%).
I am trying to fix it so that I can be equally good to him like he is to me but its hard. We have regarded each other as good "friends" but thats it. I guess he doesn't want to get too close to me especially after all the above. Is he fed up with me? Is he just being nice to bottle it up? What if he explodes?
Opinions(on how he might be feeling)?? And Yes I know I am a selfish bitch sometimes.
Put the internet to work for you.
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