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'Don't take things personally'

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This is a phrase a lot of people use and I think they use it incorrectly, or rather, they use it unhelpfully.
A girl doesn't like you. You talk to a friend and the friend tells you not to take it personally.
What are you supposed to think?

Google image search says : "What other people say about you is their reality, not yours"?

Does the girl not like you because she's having a bad day? Or is it because she is a terrible racist? Or is it because she doesn't like the fact that you wore a red t-shirt that day and her idiot ex-boyfriend used to love to wear red t-shirts?

OK fair enough. The next girl you ask, she doesn't like you. And the next one. And the next one. And so on. Are they all just people with realities that conflict with yours? No. In fact, the chances are that the first girl only assessed you on the 'going standard' in society rather than through any particular bias.

The problem with palliating your woes by using this phrase is that it stops you from progressing. The reason why you may have been rejected by the girl is because you're overweight, you don't take make enough of an effort with your appearance and you don't have anything interesting to talk about. But if you don't take things personally then you will never care about these things and you will never have enough motivation to change them.

Of course there are things you shouldn't take personally. People's circumstances and current mood strongly influence their opinions from day to day and you can't take each of their actions and blame yourself for it. You need to distill out the objective and common themes from a few people's opinion of you and work on those. You should take those things personally. That is the only way you will change them.

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