I cheated on my husband w/ multiple men... help

So I need some advise on a situation that I caused in my marriage. My husband and I have been together for 9yrs and through out our marriage we have had our share of ups and downs. Throughout the first half of our relationship I found out that he had an affair with a woman whom he knew before we started our relationship out it lasted about 3-6 mos and he claims there was only one sexually encounter with this woman I also thought there were others just based on his action, hiding the laptop in the closets just being one of those actions. Around this same time we also went through some domestic situations where in the end we separated due to the domestic and financial situation at hand. This split lasted a bit over a year and through all of this I never knew about his affair. So after we made up and he moved back in I discovered his affair about 2 yrs after it resolved but before I found all this out I asked him to come clean with anything and at which he d idn't. Due to where we were at in our relationship I decided to move forward with our relationship. I did ask questions at which I got some of the answers I needed but always still wondered what he was doing do the insecurities this caused in me. So after all this I would like to say about 1-2yrs after I cheated on him with multiple men all of which were NSA with men that were completely different than what my husband is. It was never emotional never on a personal note either. My husband just recently found out about my alter ego and this other side to whom I am and just can't wrap his mind around the whole thing. The worst part of this is I did a lot of my cheating while I was pregnant with our last child and I did transmit an STD to him and denied it all when he asked. Also when he did find out I didn't completed tell me the truth all at once I did the worst I did the whole dripple of information only gave parts and pieces at a time and still lied about a lot of it until h e confronted me with emails. He is a very smart man and even contacted Yahoo to have them restore the emails that I deleted so that he could get the whole picture. My encounters lasted over a span of 2 yrs and totally in 8 different men at which a lot of emails would reveal much more than that but I told he all that I remember and explained that it was a completely different person than who I really am. I have been seeing a relationship therapist who is helping me understand why I did what I did and how I can prevent it from happening again. Upon our sessions she has brought to my attention that I suffered from dissociation disorder which in short caused me to snap in the way that I did. I manage many different roles and which balancing all my roles I failed to find time for myself and I pretty much snapped. I understand it and how it was possible but when I explain it to my husband he just can't believe it and thinks that I'm making these things up. He feels that I knew exa ctly what I was doing and feels that I was searching for things I wanted that he couldn't provide for me sexually and that never was the case our love life has been great just with having 3 kids the intimate part was decreasing. Also through all this we did fight a lot where names where called and threats of breaking up were always thrown in the air. I do truly love my husband and I do want to try and make this work but is there really any hope....

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