Background: Graduated in 2012, worked as a freelance writer since then, been with boyfriend for 5 years.
Parents separated last month and it's thrown my entire life into disarray. It's like everything I planned or wanted (or thought I wanted) I'm now questioning and realising how stupid it was. And I don't think I want it anymore. I was still living at home whilst saving up for my own place, but the separation has made me think that maybe (just maybe) things need to speed up faster. And my life is going NOWHERE fast.
I've had a few doubts about my partner for a while - he's unmotivated and so messy that I couldn't live with him. When your whole life changes like mine has, you have to think more precisely about the future, and I cannot imagine myself living like we are at the moment. Being in his flat is so, so depressing, and I don't want that to be my future. Everything he says or does annoys me at the moment, though that could be because I'm stressed anyway. He won't do housework and can't cook to save his life, nor can he do practical things. The insecurity of my parents breaking up (and every single thing I thought I knew about my life being thrown away) has made me realise that, although I am able to look after myself, it would be nice to have someone who you could rely on. I look at how my dad is as a father, how he does so much to help, how he is with me and my brother, and I can't imagine my partner even coming close to that. I now realise that if I stay with him, especially if we have children, it will be a constant battle of me doing everything, begging him to change, and him pretty much not listening.
He is a nice guy. He is a good laugh, but some issues would become insurmountable, and surely it isn't right to even consider having children when you know these issues will occur.
Another issue is that I can't even think about what type of job I could get with my degree. It's in psychology but other than my freelance writing I have no other work experience or training. What kind of jobs do people with psych degrees even go on to do!! I've lived so comfortably for so long, and it's only now that I've had things shaken up a bit that I know things cannot and must not go on.
How do I have the conversation? How do I find the courage to break up even though that will leave me with nothing (seriously nothing, our lives were all about each other) to do with my days??
I don't even know how I'd find someone else, I don't do anything, the thought of it makes me anxious, I could never just join a social group because I'm painfully shy.. my comfortable life has to come to an end, as much as I'm sure I could stretch it out forever, but it TERRIFIES me.
Anyone got any help or advice?
Put the internet to work for you.
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