Hi,
I'm new to the forums so hope I'm posting in the right place.
Sorry if this gets long winded and seems a little jumbled.
I'm 35 & my wife is 30, we have been married almost 10 yrs & together 13 yrs. we have 2 awesome boys of 4 & 8.
About 3 weeks ago my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore & doesn't know if she still wants to be with me.
This has left me totally emotionally ruined, I'm so upset I can't explain it.
I can't eat, sleep, focus on work or be around people.
She says it's been brewing for a long time maybe a year & that it has all come to this for her fear of been able to talk to me, I am in no way a violant or aggressive person & always thought we could talk about anything.
She says I have become moody, unapproachable, controlling & she can't talk to me because of this.
I'll be 1st to admit yes sometimes I don't have great days and feel down but this has all come as a huge shock to me.
We are a busy couple, I go out to work at 7am & return about 4:30pm. I get my tea etc with her and the boys then she starts work 5pm ish to 7:30/8pm, she's a music teacher and works from home except for Sunday when she can be out 9:30am to 4:30pm. So as you can see trying to get a bit of Us times is hard.
Another major factor in all this is that I suspect she may be having some sort of emotional affair/relationship with a guy who she is friends with.
I have no problem with her having male friends and wouldn't tell her she couldn't be friends with someone.
These are my reason for this suspicion
- She is always messaging this person, I pretty much sure of this as I have been monitoring online activity etc. (yes I know my mind may be playing tricks)
- She is very protective of her phone, won't leave it near me, when I walk into a room she turns it upside down or hides it out of view.
- If I ask her about a message she gets she pauses and has to think about it.
- She fails to mention if she has met him for coffee or had lunch with him, she had to tell me the other day because I left work early and rang to meet her.
- The past couple of nights she has been upstairs and "online" as soon as I appear she goes "offline" then makes an excuse a few moments later to leave the room only to reappear "online" ( yes I am checking up but I have got myself so worked up about it I'm going crazy )
I have been looking online and all these signs point to my suspicion.
I have brought this up & she got all moody, agitated & didn't want talk about it. She thinks I was just making out she was having an affair to shift blame.
I have suggested we see a counsellor & she says I need to sort myself out for me & seems to think I just need to speak to someone.
I have agreed yes I do need to speak to someone & admitted I may be suffering from depression, I have just started taking Rescue Remedy & kalms tablets. I feel a bit better already from this and don't want to go on prescription drugs.
I am now thinking that I may have pushed her into this by her not been able to talk to me & things have got so distant between us as she now feels more confident talking to him not me. Also I think she is exhausting all her things to say to him so we have nothing to talk about.
She says she has tried on numerous times and feels now she has nothing left to give.
As for the future she says that she hasn't thought that far ahead yet, I have said I'll go stay at my mums for a while but I really don't want this as been away from my boys will destroy me and I feel it will help her move on and make permanent desicions on the back of it. She also said I don't need to move out but she does need time & space.
Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
Again sorry it's a long winded 1st post
I'm new to the forums so hope I'm posting in the right place.
Sorry if this gets long winded and seems a little jumbled.
I'm 35 & my wife is 30, we have been married almost 10 yrs & together 13 yrs. we have 2 awesome boys of 4 & 8.
About 3 weeks ago my wife told me she doesn't love me anymore & doesn't know if she still wants to be with me.
This has left me totally emotionally ruined, I'm so upset I can't explain it.
I can't eat, sleep, focus on work or be around people.
She says it's been brewing for a long time maybe a year & that it has all come to this for her fear of been able to talk to me, I am in no way a violant or aggressive person & always thought we could talk about anything.
She says I have become moody, unapproachable, controlling & she can't talk to me because of this.
I'll be 1st to admit yes sometimes I don't have great days and feel down but this has all come as a huge shock to me.
We are a busy couple, I go out to work at 7am & return about 4:30pm. I get my tea etc with her and the boys then she starts work 5pm ish to 7:30/8pm, she's a music teacher and works from home except for Sunday when she can be out 9:30am to 4:30pm. So as you can see trying to get a bit of Us times is hard.
Another major factor in all this is that I suspect she may be having some sort of emotional affair/relationship with a guy who she is friends with.
I have no problem with her having male friends and wouldn't tell her she couldn't be friends with someone.
These are my reason for this suspicion
- She is always messaging this person, I pretty much sure of this as I have been monitoring online activity etc. (yes I know my mind may be playing tricks)
- She is very protective of her phone, won't leave it near me, when I walk into a room she turns it upside down or hides it out of view.
- If I ask her about a message she gets she pauses and has to think about it.
- She fails to mention if she has met him for coffee or had lunch with him, she had to tell me the other day because I left work early and rang to meet her.
- The past couple of nights she has been upstairs and "online" as soon as I appear she goes "offline" then makes an excuse a few moments later to leave the room only to reappear "online" ( yes I am checking up but I have got myself so worked up about it I'm going crazy )
I have been looking online and all these signs point to my suspicion.
I have brought this up & she got all moody, agitated & didn't want talk about it. She thinks I was just making out she was having an affair to shift blame.
I have suggested we see a counsellor & she says I need to sort myself out for me & seems to think I just need to speak to someone.
I have agreed yes I do need to speak to someone & admitted I may be suffering from depression, I have just started taking Rescue Remedy & kalms tablets. I feel a bit better already from this and don't want to go on prescription drugs.
I am now thinking that I may have pushed her into this by her not been able to talk to me & things have got so distant between us as she now feels more confident talking to him not me. Also I think she is exhausting all her things to say to him so we have nothing to talk about.
She says she has tried on numerous times and feels now she has nothing left to give.
As for the future she says that she hasn't thought that far ahead yet, I have said I'll go stay at my mums for a while but I really don't want this as been away from my boys will destroy me and I feel it will help her move on and make permanent desicions on the back of it. She also said I don't need to move out but she does need time & space.
Any advice here would be greatly appreciated.
Again sorry it's a long winded 1st post
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