This is going to be a rant about my mother in law and I just want advice and opinions on how to go about it.
My fiancé and I have been engaged and are getting married fairly soon. We both have a great grasp on how to handle issues between us except for one topic: his mom. My problem is.. I can't stand her. I can't. I think she is a lazy, freeloading woman with a hidden agenda for any and everything.
Let me give you some background: I met my fiancé years ago because he and my brother were best friends. Eventually, we started to date in our late teens. My boyfriend was still living home with his mom. His mom was still very resentful of his father divorcing her, so she let his childhood home go into foreclosure while she refused to work/find work. So, he was kicked out at 18 when they changed the locks on their home and we moved in with one another.
It wasn't easy. We were young -- juggling work full time now and full time college. It was tough, it was. My fiancé would get so stressed, upset and lost in his daily routine now and that broke me down to see him like that. His mother, however, moved in with a married couple and continued to use our apartment as a storage unit (the room we didn't have, she took up). Fast forward years, we now moved out of state and are doing very well at this point in our lives. Now that she sees this though, she calls for money. And when I say money, I mean mine. I do make more than my fiancé does and she knows it. She calls for money constantly. She still doesn't work - she doesn't want to. What money she has, she uses to order chinese food and smoke her weed. (Not exaggerating.)
So, regardless of all of these insane things happening on her behalf, I still knew it was best to really try to overlook it and see her through HIS eyes. That was fine up until this past summer when we were visiting her in our home state and we had dinner with my brother in law and his kids. While everyone was enjoying themselves and running around, she turns to me and whispers, "it's time for them to take their fuc*ing kids home" about her grandsons. I was speechless. Now, mind you, my passion are children. I come from a BEAUTIFUL, tightly knit family that VALUES the children in it. I am also graduating this spring with my degree in child counseling, focusing specifically in childcare and parenting -- I am going to help kids for a living and she turns to me
and says she wants her "fun*king grandkids" to go home now. The reason being: he was sticky from his sucker and it was disgusting.
I can't bring myself to tell my fiancé. I can't. Two months later over breakfast, she tells me she can't stand to be around her grandsons from more than a few hours because "they're just ridiculous". They're 6 and 2 years old - they're rambunctious boys. I, at this point, lost what little respect I had for her.
Well, she called my fiancé out of the blue about a month ago and wanted to come live with us. In our condo. In this huge, metropolitan area. Just... barge in. We both, still, go to school full time, work full time and are doing internships on top of traveling. When he tried to explain this to her, she cried and used the excuse, "Haven't I done enough for you in your lifetime? It's time for you to pay me back." (Oh, I love this excuse as well. Believe me.)
This was a large rant. There's more, but this is just the randomness of what she comes up with on a daily basis for us. She's made comments before about me not "loving" her and I just want to turn to her sometimes and just, explain to her how I was brought up to be the opposite of her. I think my main issues lies in the fact that I come from such amazing, experienced, cultured, educated parents and they strived our entire lives (my siblings and mine) to show us that hard work and dedication are beautiful and pay off and to take chances, love deeply and give give give to others. I don't know anyone who has a family as rich in love as the one my parents have built. It irritates me that, as a parent, she has not done the same for my fiancé and she continues to not do "parental instinct things" for him.
I remember one night, I asked my fiancé how he felt about her letting their home go into foreclosure and not working. He said, "what else could she do?" and I just had to cry. I said to him, "if I knew my children were at risk at 18 years old of losing their childhood home, I would walk to McDonald's and ask for an application. I would beg. I would do whatever it took to make sure my kids felt safe, content and protected by me. That's ... your duty as a parent." And he just, defended her.
I don't know. I don't. Help. What do I do? And please tell me if I'm being irrational -- I am open to suggestions and comments of all sorts.
(ps - my brother is not mad, he is very excited his best friend is now going to be his brother in law :) )
My fiancé and I have been engaged and are getting married fairly soon. We both have a great grasp on how to handle issues between us except for one topic: his mom. My problem is.. I can't stand her. I can't. I think she is a lazy, freeloading woman with a hidden agenda for any and everything.
Let me give you some background: I met my fiancé years ago because he and my brother were best friends. Eventually, we started to date in our late teens. My boyfriend was still living home with his mom. His mom was still very resentful of his father divorcing her, so she let his childhood home go into foreclosure while she refused to work/find work. So, he was kicked out at 18 when they changed the locks on their home and we moved in with one another.
It wasn't easy. We were young -- juggling work full time now and full time college. It was tough, it was. My fiancé would get so stressed, upset and lost in his daily routine now and that broke me down to see him like that. His mother, however, moved in with a married couple and continued to use our apartment as a storage unit (the room we didn't have, she took up). Fast forward years, we now moved out of state and are doing very well at this point in our lives. Now that she sees this though, she calls for money. And when I say money, I mean mine. I do make more than my fiancé does and she knows it. She calls for money constantly. She still doesn't work - she doesn't want to. What money she has, she uses to order chinese food and smoke her weed. (Not exaggerating.)
So, regardless of all of these insane things happening on her behalf, I still knew it was best to really try to overlook it and see her through HIS eyes. That was fine up until this past summer when we were visiting her in our home state and we had dinner with my brother in law and his kids. While everyone was enjoying themselves and running around, she turns to me and whispers, "it's time for them to take their fuc*ing kids home" about her grandsons. I was speechless. Now, mind you, my passion are children. I come from a BEAUTIFUL, tightly knit family that VALUES the children in it. I am also graduating this spring with my degree in child counseling, focusing specifically in childcare and parenting -- I am going to help kids for a living and she turns to me
and says she wants her "fun*king grandkids" to go home now. The reason being: he was sticky from his sucker and it was disgusting.
I can't bring myself to tell my fiancé. I can't. Two months later over breakfast, she tells me she can't stand to be around her grandsons from more than a few hours because "they're just ridiculous". They're 6 and 2 years old - they're rambunctious boys. I, at this point, lost what little respect I had for her.
Well, she called my fiancé out of the blue about a month ago and wanted to come live with us. In our condo. In this huge, metropolitan area. Just... barge in. We both, still, go to school full time, work full time and are doing internships on top of traveling. When he tried to explain this to her, she cried and used the excuse, "Haven't I done enough for you in your lifetime? It's time for you to pay me back." (Oh, I love this excuse as well. Believe me.)
This was a large rant. There's more, but this is just the randomness of what she comes up with on a daily basis for us. She's made comments before about me not "loving" her and I just want to turn to her sometimes and just, explain to her how I was brought up to be the opposite of her. I think my main issues lies in the fact that I come from such amazing, experienced, cultured, educated parents and they strived our entire lives (my siblings and mine) to show us that hard work and dedication are beautiful and pay off and to take chances, love deeply and give give give to others. I don't know anyone who has a family as rich in love as the one my parents have built. It irritates me that, as a parent, she has not done the same for my fiancé and she continues to not do "parental instinct things" for him.
I remember one night, I asked my fiancé how he felt about her letting their home go into foreclosure and not working. He said, "what else could she do?" and I just had to cry. I said to him, "if I knew my children were at risk at 18 years old of losing their childhood home, I would walk to McDonald's and ask for an application. I would beg. I would do whatever it took to make sure my kids felt safe, content and protected by me. That's ... your duty as a parent." And he just, defended her.
I don't know. I don't. Help. What do I do? And please tell me if I'm being irrational -- I am open to suggestions and comments of all sorts.
(ps - my brother is not mad, he is very excited his best friend is now going to be his brother in law :) )
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