My wife and I have been married for 15 years. Anyone that knows us would say we're deeply in love and a great couple. We have been best friends and passionately in love for a long time. We had a bumpy bit around 8 years with some infidelity, but with some counseling and hard work we've been in a really great place for about 5 years.
About a year ago, my wife, who is a limit pusher, approached me about swinging. We did our homework and started setting some guidelines for how we should approach this. We decided after some discussion that if this is an extension of our bedroom play, like adding toys or role play would be, we can do this safely without harming our relationship.
We met some couples and worked through some of the weird feelings that come from seeing your spouse with someone else, but generally started figuring it out. After a few experiences we found that we really just wanted FWB, i.e. some good friends that we enjoy hanging out with, but occasionally play with. The idea was that they would be in a healthy marriages, as is ours, and that we would have a little adult fun along the way.
Well we met a couple that is into Poly and things have gone sour from my perspective. My wife is in love with the man and also with the woman. They have this love triangle thing going and I don't enjoy being around them at all. They're really not my type of people and the boundaries of this being an extension of our bedroom play is out the window. Having my wife fall in love with other people is not what I signed up for.
Now she really doesn't want to be with other people and just wants her love affair. I told her I don't like it and that it makes me feel bad. I told her that I won't force her to choose, but that I wanted her to know where I'm at.
She has chosen to pursue this love relationship despite how it makes me feel. I love her very much and don't feel like forcing her is getting what I want from her. I want her to choose me because she wants to. I want her to love me and me only because she wants to. She's not in that place.
Right now, I will continue to love her, regardless of how this makes me feel, but I'm concerned that over time I will just stop caring. I've put her first in our lives over and over and over again. She rarely every reciprocates that choice.
As far as I'm concerned, I don't care whether we continue or stop the lifestyle stuff. The physical fun with other consenting adults is fun, but not if it's messing with the long term health of our marriage.
I've been trying to tell my wife to look for another couple who seems to really have a wonderful marriage, good family life, not be on their 2nd or 3rd marriage, and is making this lifestyle stuff work. We can't find a single example in anyone we've met. This is a sign to me that this may be an illusion and that this is a slow (or fast) marriage killer.
Anyways, I'm at a loss right now. I have not a single friend that I feel I could talk to about this, so I'm going to the WWW to see what I can figure out there.
About a year ago, my wife, who is a limit pusher, approached me about swinging. We did our homework and started setting some guidelines for how we should approach this. We decided after some discussion that if this is an extension of our bedroom play, like adding toys or role play would be, we can do this safely without harming our relationship.
We met some couples and worked through some of the weird feelings that come from seeing your spouse with someone else, but generally started figuring it out. After a few experiences we found that we really just wanted FWB, i.e. some good friends that we enjoy hanging out with, but occasionally play with. The idea was that they would be in a healthy marriages, as is ours, and that we would have a little adult fun along the way.
Well we met a couple that is into Poly and things have gone sour from my perspective. My wife is in love with the man and also with the woman. They have this love triangle thing going and I don't enjoy being around them at all. They're really not my type of people and the boundaries of this being an extension of our bedroom play is out the window. Having my wife fall in love with other people is not what I signed up for.
Now she really doesn't want to be with other people and just wants her love affair. I told her I don't like it and that it makes me feel bad. I told her that I won't force her to choose, but that I wanted her to know where I'm at.
She has chosen to pursue this love relationship despite how it makes me feel. I love her very much and don't feel like forcing her is getting what I want from her. I want her to choose me because she wants to. I want her to love me and me only because she wants to. She's not in that place.
Right now, I will continue to love her, regardless of how this makes me feel, but I'm concerned that over time I will just stop caring. I've put her first in our lives over and over and over again. She rarely every reciprocates that choice.
As far as I'm concerned, I don't care whether we continue or stop the lifestyle stuff. The physical fun with other consenting adults is fun, but not if it's messing with the long term health of our marriage.
I've been trying to tell my wife to look for another couple who seems to really have a wonderful marriage, good family life, not be on their 2nd or 3rd marriage, and is making this lifestyle stuff work. We can't find a single example in anyone we've met. This is a sign to me that this may be an illusion and that this is a slow (or fast) marriage killer.
Anyways, I'm at a loss right now. I have not a single friend that I feel I could talk to about this, so I'm going to the WWW to see what I can figure out there.
Put the internet to work for you.
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