My husband and I have been married almost 17 years. We do not have a strong marriage and have been going to marriage counseling for 6 months. At our session on 09/20, the counselor said, something needs to change, or perhaps we should start divorce counseling!! We both got real quiet!.
Background:
Two counselors told me to go to Al-Anon. Tonight I will start working with a sponsor and hope the program will help me. The past two weeks, he was out of pot. He was very irritable, angry, and it was very easy to set him off. There were two difficult verbal abuse situations. The first he was upset about me wanting to discuss our budget and estimated taxes. He did not understand why we could not wait to April 2015 to pay in $3500 in taxes. (under-payment penalty!). He would not touch me that night, had a bad attitude and I slept in the other bedroom. For the second round this week, he was unhappy he agreed to one surf trip a year (to Costa Rica) in counseling. He felt I was controlling and told him he could not go to NC Outerbanks the second week of Sept for a second surf trip. If he had gone, he would be happy now, instead of taking out his frustrations on me. He said his friend's wife tells him to go on the fall surf trip as he comes back in a better mood. That e vening ended by him saying next year if he had the money, he was going on both surf trips without any consideration on how I feel. He mocked me that I cannot handle the sun (fair skin) and or salt water (bothers my lips). He likes to socialize alone with his sister and brother-in-law, and in the past would go to the local bar, and not bother to tell me he was going, or invite me to come.
The counselors encouraged us to have 1 -2 date nights a week. It has not happened. There has been some improvement, but my husband asked how many hoops did he have to jump to make me happy. I feel I have been neglected and emotionally abandoned our entire marriage. I told the counselor I felt he had narcissistic tendencies.
On Sat. the counselor told him he could not control himself when he was detoxing from pot and we have no transparency in our marriage. Should we start divorce counseling? The counselor said he would review our case with his peers to see if he can get any other suggestions. The counseling so far is not working with my husband!
So how do I proceed? Do I divorce and give up half of my retirement money? It has been a difficult year for me. My Mom passed away in May.
Thanks for reading this long post.
Background:
- I filed for divorce in Jan. 2014. Currently on hold per marriage counseling.
Husband is functional alcoholic and daily pot smoker (when he has a stash).
Husband does not like to disclose where he goes, how much he spends on pot, and feels his phone is an electronic leash.
He is a surfer, and that is his life, if not working.
We have no transparency in our marriage. He is not willing to share passwords to FB, e-mail, bank accounts, etc. I have a separate checking account, but have not given him access because of his addictions.
All his activities are about what makes him happy, and he does not have a lot of empathy for me or my needs.
I am highly educated, and have a great job. I have paid 90% of the bills our entire marriage.
When I filed for divorce, he started a smear campaign and told everyone I was a *****. I was told I was a ***** in counseling and several times to my face at home.
Two counselors told me to go to Al-Anon. Tonight I will start working with a sponsor and hope the program will help me. The past two weeks, he was out of pot. He was very irritable, angry, and it was very easy to set him off. There were two difficult verbal abuse situations. The first he was upset about me wanting to discuss our budget and estimated taxes. He did not understand why we could not wait to April 2015 to pay in $3500 in taxes. (under-payment penalty!). He would not touch me that night, had a bad attitude and I slept in the other bedroom. For the second round this week, he was unhappy he agreed to one surf trip a year (to Costa Rica) in counseling. He felt I was controlling and told him he could not go to NC Outerbanks the second week of Sept for a second surf trip. If he had gone, he would be happy now, instead of taking out his frustrations on me. He said his friend's wife tells him to go on the fall surf trip as he comes back in a better mood. That e vening ended by him saying next year if he had the money, he was going on both surf trips without any consideration on how I feel. He mocked me that I cannot handle the sun (fair skin) and or salt water (bothers my lips). He likes to socialize alone with his sister and brother-in-law, and in the past would go to the local bar, and not bother to tell me he was going, or invite me to come.
The counselors encouraged us to have 1 -2 date nights a week. It has not happened. There has been some improvement, but my husband asked how many hoops did he have to jump to make me happy. I feel I have been neglected and emotionally abandoned our entire marriage. I told the counselor I felt he had narcissistic tendencies.
On Sat. the counselor told him he could not control himself when he was detoxing from pot and we have no transparency in our marriage. Should we start divorce counseling? The counselor said he would review our case with his peers to see if he can get any other suggestions. The counseling so far is not working with my husband!
So how do I proceed? Do I divorce and give up half of my retirement money? It has been a difficult year for me. My Mom passed away in May.
Thanks for reading this long post.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment