I have read some of the posts on here and the fact that they resonate so strongly with me truly makes me sad. I hate to be a person who has to post here.
I have been married to my husband for 3 years, together for 5. I love him with all of my heart and I genuinely believe that he loves me too.
For most of our relationship, he will go through phases where he texts or facebook messages other women. He is in the military, and most of the time they are women he used to be stationed with or women that are from his hometown. I have called him out on it before, and he will tell me that he gets a rush from it and that it is fun for him to see how far he can get these women to go. He normally wants them to send him pictures, talk dirty to him, etc.
The last time it happened, I called him out and I felt he was truly remorseful. We had a very open discussion about it and I thought things were resolved. He was deployed last year for 9 months and I had access to all of his accounts and I believe he was faithful the entire time he was gone. It was about a year that he was "clean" and I was beginning to feel confident and happy in our marriage again. In fact, I feel that when he came home our marriage was stronger than ever.
He is now at a school for 8 weeks across the country from me. I was nervous before he left because I knew this would be a test. Well, he failed. He has been going out and getting drunk with friends every weekend. This bothers me enough, but I also had "that" feeling and started checking up on him. I found a craigslist post that had a kik username that resembled some of his other usernames. I logged into that kik account with his usual password and found a secret email address. He had been emailing girls who had replied to his craigslist ad. Most of them were spam asking him to sign up for a site, etc. On the kik account I talked to one girl who said he had told her he wasn't married.
I changed all the passwords on the accounts and waited. He changed them back and I changed him again. I then called and asked him if there was something he wanted to tell me. He said he was sorry, that he did it because he was bored and I kept getting angry about him going out drinking so he felt he couldn't talk to me without me getting angry. I asked him why he couldn't send those kinds of text messages to me and he said he didn't see me that way. I told him I could forgive him but I wanted us to have open communication from now on and no more of this. He got frustrated and hung up on me.
Now he is refusing to speak to me. I have sent a few text messages and he is sending one word responses and has hinted at wanting a divorce. Last night he told me that "maybe this marriage thing isn't for me". I'm at a loss for what to do. I don't want a divorce, though I feel like that is what most people will suggest. I also don't want to threaten divorce if I'm not willing to follow through.
I'm beside myself upset right now. I honestly don't know what to do or say that can either help this situation or help my mental state. He won't be home for four weeks. It is extremely difficult to communicate with him being so far away.
I have been married to my husband for 3 years, together for 5. I love him with all of my heart and I genuinely believe that he loves me too.
For most of our relationship, he will go through phases where he texts or facebook messages other women. He is in the military, and most of the time they are women he used to be stationed with or women that are from his hometown. I have called him out on it before, and he will tell me that he gets a rush from it and that it is fun for him to see how far he can get these women to go. He normally wants them to send him pictures, talk dirty to him, etc.
The last time it happened, I called him out and I felt he was truly remorseful. We had a very open discussion about it and I thought things were resolved. He was deployed last year for 9 months and I had access to all of his accounts and I believe he was faithful the entire time he was gone. It was about a year that he was "clean" and I was beginning to feel confident and happy in our marriage again. In fact, I feel that when he came home our marriage was stronger than ever.
He is now at a school for 8 weeks across the country from me. I was nervous before he left because I knew this would be a test. Well, he failed. He has been going out and getting drunk with friends every weekend. This bothers me enough, but I also had "that" feeling and started checking up on him. I found a craigslist post that had a kik username that resembled some of his other usernames. I logged into that kik account with his usual password and found a secret email address. He had been emailing girls who had replied to his craigslist ad. Most of them were spam asking him to sign up for a site, etc. On the kik account I talked to one girl who said he had told her he wasn't married.
I changed all the passwords on the accounts and waited. He changed them back and I changed him again. I then called and asked him if there was something he wanted to tell me. He said he was sorry, that he did it because he was bored and I kept getting angry about him going out drinking so he felt he couldn't talk to me without me getting angry. I asked him why he couldn't send those kinds of text messages to me and he said he didn't see me that way. I told him I could forgive him but I wanted us to have open communication from now on and no more of this. He got frustrated and hung up on me.
Now he is refusing to speak to me. I have sent a few text messages and he is sending one word responses and has hinted at wanting a divorce. Last night he told me that "maybe this marriage thing isn't for me". I'm at a loss for what to do. I don't want a divorce, though I feel like that is what most people will suggest. I also don't want to threaten divorce if I'm not willing to follow through.
I'm beside myself upset right now. I honestly don't know what to do or say that can either help this situation or help my mental state. He won't be home for four weeks. It is extremely difficult to communicate with him being so far away.
Put the internet to work for you.
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