This story sounds like so many others out there but I feel like I need to write it out and submit it none the less.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have two young sons (2 and 3). Our life together at the beginning was great. Ever since our second son was born we have been growing apart. I worked a lot right up to the time he was born. Afterwards, life was so busy for us that we never really connected or re-connected. Our sex life went from good to once in 3 years. We started to disagree alot about household chores. She comes from a South American country where there are housemaids and hired help. I did not ask her to work, but I expected her to take care of the kids and house while I was working. But this quickly became overwhelming for her. I ended up caving and doing more and more of the housework as time went on, building resentment. Before I asked her to marry me, I asked whether she could imagine herself living and raising kids in our mountain community. She said that she could, now she mentions to me weekly that she wants to leave for some place warmer or a bigger cit y.
This last September we were planning to entertain two sets of people from her home country - her female cousin and an old male coworker who happened to be visiting the US. I felt something was wierd was up between the coworker and her but couldn't really believe my gut. He visited during an audit at my work so I was putting in a lot of hours and not at home often. After he left, there were all the tell-tale signs of an affair - cell phone was suddenly with her or hidden. Frequent texting, there was a call or two from her home country that I answered and the caller hung up.
I started spying. While nothing is sexually explicit in their texts, something obviously happened. She even mentions getting married to him and moving to Florida to start their lives over together. Soon after this, she sexted an old boyfriend from her home country with him sending her **** pics and her saying how wet she was. I have done a couple of soft confrontations not revealing all that I know. She steadfastly denies that anything happened. I told her a couple of time she should never text him again and yet she always did the next day. I think the OM is now kind of sick of her contacting him and they haven't texted in two weeks.
There is no alcohol or substance abuse for either of us. But she suffered under an emotionally abusive mother who, although she lives thousands of miles away, still causes her grief. She shows all the classic signs of entitlement - entitled not to have to clean the house, entitled to live in a big city (we do not, I love our rural mountain town), entitled to vacations and other expensive things that we cannot afford. Yet we still travel a fair amount and I gave her a great
life that she was not bound to have had she not married me.
I feel like I am beyond suggesting conseling. She carried this affair on basically in front of me and our children in our house, I will not be able to forget. My greatest fear in divorcing is the international component. My wife is a US permanent resident but not a citizen. Both of our sons are dual-citizens. Her country of origin is a member of the Hague convention but also has been critized by the international community for not enforcing the agreement. I have read
"the list" and am making progress to getting my affairs in order before starting down D road.
Things are not terrible between us. She has been nicer and more active working on the house lately. But I am living a lie and both for my sake and my kids, I will not be able to do that much longer.
My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have two young sons (2 and 3). Our life together at the beginning was great. Ever since our second son was born we have been growing apart. I worked a lot right up to the time he was born. Afterwards, life was so busy for us that we never really connected or re-connected. Our sex life went from good to once in 3 years. We started to disagree alot about household chores. She comes from a South American country where there are housemaids and hired help. I did not ask her to work, but I expected her to take care of the kids and house while I was working. But this quickly became overwhelming for her. I ended up caving and doing more and more of the housework as time went on, building resentment. Before I asked her to marry me, I asked whether she could imagine herself living and raising kids in our mountain community. She said that she could, now she mentions to me weekly that she wants to leave for some place warmer or a bigger cit y.
This last September we were planning to entertain two sets of people from her home country - her female cousin and an old male coworker who happened to be visiting the US. I felt something was wierd was up between the coworker and her but couldn't really believe my gut. He visited during an audit at my work so I was putting in a lot of hours and not at home often. After he left, there were all the tell-tale signs of an affair - cell phone was suddenly with her or hidden. Frequent texting, there was a call or two from her home country that I answered and the caller hung up.
I started spying. While nothing is sexually explicit in their texts, something obviously happened. She even mentions getting married to him and moving to Florida to start their lives over together. Soon after this, she sexted an old boyfriend from her home country with him sending her **** pics and her saying how wet she was. I have done a couple of soft confrontations not revealing all that I know. She steadfastly denies that anything happened. I told her a couple of time she should never text him again and yet she always did the next day. I think the OM is now kind of sick of her contacting him and they haven't texted in two weeks.
There is no alcohol or substance abuse for either of us. But she suffered under an emotionally abusive mother who, although she lives thousands of miles away, still causes her grief. She shows all the classic signs of entitlement - entitled not to have to clean the house, entitled to live in a big city (we do not, I love our rural mountain town), entitled to vacations and other expensive things that we cannot afford. Yet we still travel a fair amount and I gave her a great
life that she was not bound to have had she not married me.
I feel like I am beyond suggesting conseling. She carried this affair on basically in front of me and our children in our house, I will not be able to forget. My greatest fear in divorcing is the international component. My wife is a US permanent resident but not a citizen. Both of our sons are dual-citizens. Her country of origin is a member of the Hague convention but also has been critized by the international community for not enforcing the agreement. I have read
"the list" and am making progress to getting my affairs in order before starting down D road.
Things are not terrible between us. She has been nicer and more active working on the house lately. But I am living a lie and both for my sake and my kids, I will not be able to do that much longer.
Put the internet to work for you.
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