I'm not married (yet), but have been in a wonderful relationship with a woman who is a few years my senior for 2 years now. I've been a graduate student the past several years and now that I've secured my post-school full time employment, my girlfriend and I are moving in together with the hopes of being on the fast path to engagement and then marriage. We're both in our 30s. The relationship is fantastic, save one thing: the intimacy. I'm really hoping some posters (esp. the ladies on here) can help shed light and/or speculate on my situation. I'm at my wits end. In short, my girlfriend has not been interested in sex for roughly 1 year. Typical story, right? Not so fast, I'd ask you to bear with me in explaining a bit of background.
Here's the short story from how we went to a great sex life to where we are now. First 8 months of rel. were on fire. Sex was tremendous. This is typical (obviously) I read the postings here. About a year into the relationship, she called me out for poor behavior on my part. Long story short, I used to "pick on" people I dated too much (i.e., weight, appearance). Even despite the fact that she's not overweight and is quite attractive, unfortunately, I was not a very kind person always wanting her to do X or Y appearance wise. We almost broke up over it. I do know it caused her to feel less attractive about herself. I can add more details, but I'll leave it at that for now.
In any event, after we reconciled and I changed my behavior (which I did, in earnest), it was a while getting back in the saddle sexually. At first, I accepted this as normal (she'd been made to feel unattractive after all). She'd also been under a lot of stress at work for the past year and she claims that has also affected her libido. But, literally it never bounced back. Yes we have sex (now and again but not passionate) but she hasn't had an orgasm in a year now and claims very weak desire at all!
I don't know what to do. We do really love each other. She has told me she will go to couples therapy with me, but I'm scared her libido will never come back. Frankly, I do blame myself. I know that you can really run a woman's confidence down to the point she no longer is able to see herself as sexy, but I'm truly stumped here. She claims she wants to have a libido and wants to have great sex with me, but it just isn't there.
What do you think could be going on? Is there any hope that with therapy she could regain her libido? I'm asking the ladies here to maybe help me understand. As a man, I couldn't even understand the concept of going a year without thinking sexually or feeling sexual when I see a glimpse of an attractive woman. Is it really possible that she hasn't felt sexual (toward me AND any guy out there -- which is what she says) for this long?
Any advice would be so much appreciated.
Here's the short story from how we went to a great sex life to where we are now. First 8 months of rel. were on fire. Sex was tremendous. This is typical (obviously) I read the postings here. About a year into the relationship, she called me out for poor behavior on my part. Long story short, I used to "pick on" people I dated too much (i.e., weight, appearance). Even despite the fact that she's not overweight and is quite attractive, unfortunately, I was not a very kind person always wanting her to do X or Y appearance wise. We almost broke up over it. I do know it caused her to feel less attractive about herself. I can add more details, but I'll leave it at that for now.
In any event, after we reconciled and I changed my behavior (which I did, in earnest), it was a while getting back in the saddle sexually. At first, I accepted this as normal (she'd been made to feel unattractive after all). She'd also been under a lot of stress at work for the past year and she claims that has also affected her libido. But, literally it never bounced back. Yes we have sex (now and again but not passionate) but she hasn't had an orgasm in a year now and claims very weak desire at all!
I don't know what to do. We do really love each other. She has told me she will go to couples therapy with me, but I'm scared her libido will never come back. Frankly, I do blame myself. I know that you can really run a woman's confidence down to the point she no longer is able to see herself as sexy, but I'm truly stumped here. She claims she wants to have a libido and wants to have great sex with me, but it just isn't there.
What do you think could be going on? Is there any hope that with therapy she could regain her libido? I'm asking the ladies here to maybe help me understand. As a man, I couldn't even understand the concept of going a year without thinking sexually or feeling sexual when I see a glimpse of an attractive woman. Is it really possible that she hasn't felt sexual (toward me AND any guy out there -- which is what she says) for this long?
Any advice would be so much appreciated.
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