I have had an on and off 'flirtationship' with a guy in my class for about a year now. He was always the initiator, and it started with him pursuing me, this created an expectation where I waited for him to make advances– he'd always text first, talk to me in class, sit by me when there was a spare seat, and say hi in the corridors, etc. The chemistry between us was really strong, enough so for others to notice, and all our friends kept hinting at us looking like a couple and that he liked me. Yet when this became serious and I admitted I liked him, all the flirting died off. What ensued lacked the excitement that was there before. I'm not going into full details but serious over-analysis of the relationship and tension, jealousy and bad feeling rose up unexpectedly. I'm much more inexperienced and romantically awkward than him, so when our first kiss came around I was very nervous and clammed up, unlike myself. Worries about his past came up that I hadn't even thought of before, and I became overly jealous and suspicious, causing me to act quite shy and even distant. This had the effect of making him think I wasn't that bothered – upsetting and confusing him. Yet what is strange is that after talking more I realise that we both feel the same way about each other's behaviour. Especially weird is that he stopped the initiation of flirting – no longer sitting by me, calling my name, or paying me so much attention, even though we talked over text every day. He now criticises me of ignoring him in school, not flirting and not initiating anything or putting in effort, and he's upset because he always does all the work and thinks I don't like him anymore. Now I think of it, what he says is true, I don't initiate flirting and I never text first, I can easily see how he thinks I give the impression of not liking him. But I've never seen it this way, in fact I've been worried he doesn't like me as much as he suddenly stopped the full-on flirting. Why? It's almost like he didn't realise he was flirting when we were 'just friends'. I have a feeling that it is an unusual shyness he has around girls he likes – but if he knows I like him, why is he like this? It seems like we both like each other to the extent where any sign that the other isn't so interested we fly into a panic! Anyway, recently he suggested we call it off because he's tired of me never putting in the effort, he thinks we admitted we liked each other too soon, and also he's still quite upset about an argument we had earlier where I insulted him. And yet he made it clear that he's still open for discussion, and I could win him back if I wanted. I'm so confused – I get it if he's not feeling our compatibility, but he still likes me enough to want me back?
All I want to do is go back to how it was before. We've effectively eliminated the excitement and butterflies that come with a new relationship - that I know at least I felt before - we started on the wrong footing. If we had so much chemistry earlier, why do we not now? I know that he's wondering the same thing, so what on earth went wrong? It's ridiculous because it's clear we both really like each other and in an ideal world we do want to be together, it's just that something wasn't right. Is it stupid to think we have another chance? Part of me feels I'm in the wrong for always expecting him to move first, it's true that I do kind of ignore him sometimes because I'm waiting for him to say something to me. On the other hand, he accuses me of being too inexperienced, not knowing how to flirt and not being able to turn him on, which is very offensive. I would take a rejection on the chin but he's immaturely said it's my turn to win him back (he's managed to win me over a couple of times before). I've asked him two questions – what it was I said in the aforementioned argument that upset him so much, and why he's asking me to win him back if he already feels something isn't right. He's said he'll respond 'later' but it's been a few days now. Do I just need to make more of an effort to show I like him? What's the best way to act here? I really don't want to forget him, despite his faults. How could I even go about trying to win him back? Would the best thing be to just have a cool off period or even to try and stay just friends for a while? Any tips on how to let things happen naturally?
All I want to do is go back to how it was before. We've effectively eliminated the excitement and butterflies that come with a new relationship - that I know at least I felt before - we started on the wrong footing. If we had so much chemistry earlier, why do we not now? I know that he's wondering the same thing, so what on earth went wrong? It's ridiculous because it's clear we both really like each other and in an ideal world we do want to be together, it's just that something wasn't right. Is it stupid to think we have another chance? Part of me feels I'm in the wrong for always expecting him to move first, it's true that I do kind of ignore him sometimes because I'm waiting for him to say something to me. On the other hand, he accuses me of being too inexperienced, not knowing how to flirt and not being able to turn him on, which is very offensive. I would take a rejection on the chin but he's immaturely said it's my turn to win him back (he's managed to win me over a couple of times before). I've asked him two questions – what it was I said in the aforementioned argument that upset him so much, and why he's asking me to win him back if he already feels something isn't right. He's said he'll respond 'later' but it's been a few days now. Do I just need to make more of an effort to show I like him? What's the best way to act here? I really don't want to forget him, despite his faults. How could I even go about trying to win him back? Would the best thing be to just have a cool off period or even to try and stay just friends for a while? Any tips on how to let things happen naturally?
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