I originally posted this under the coping with infidelity section, I went there in the hopes of getting positive words of encouragement. I did get advices to say the least but not what I wanted or expected, I didn't know about this section at the time, I was fairly new to the site and found it on a search I did through google. It's been a while since I've last posted anything and I figure I'd take a stab here and see what people who have experienced a restored marriage have to say.
So my husband and I have been married for about 3 years when this happened but it is still going on and I'm still here. We had one beautiful baby girl and I had just given birth to our second born child. About ten days after her being born my hubby told me he wanted a divorce and was no longer happy in our marriage. I spent months trying to convince him that we could work it out but let him tell it our marriage has run its course. My husband wanting a divorce I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but I was wrong. Our youngest passed away at only a few months old and you would think that was hard but two days later I found out that he had stepped out of our marriage. Two of the hardest things they say a marriage could ever face, and I was dealing with both of them. Even with me knowing that I am willing to forgive and have our marriage to be restored. I was some what able to deal with the OW last year because she stayed states away from us, about a good 12 1/2 hour drive. It was a one night stand from someone he knew when he was younger and hadn't spoken to her in about 10-12 years and they just happened to reconnect. Before they got involved she knew he was married and has children. But it is still hard to know that the man that I love, claims to love someone else. Their encounters was very limited last year due to us staying in different states, for the most part she would fly up to sneak around with him or when he went home to his home state she would just so happen to pop up.
The new year has begun and it brought along the mess from last year. This OW has picked up her life and moved to about 45 minutes away from us driving to be closer to my husband. She's a flight attendant and requested a new location with those intentions. Mid January my husband dropped the bomb on me that he is flying down to help this woman move the rest of her things here, seriously. It seems like my situation just went from hopeless to hopelessness.
Below is a somewhat more detailed over view or time line:
Meet the hubby sometime in 2009, got married in 2010 and had our first child later on that year. Didn't know at the time but first encounter happened in summer 2012 while he was away at training. Second child born 2013, passed and found out two days after. He haven't taken divorce off the table but hasn't left either, I am currently a full time student and he says he's not gonna abandon us but I won't start working until I finish school sometime later this year. So maybe that's what he has in his mind IDK. This year the woman decided to move closer. She is a flight attendant so he didn't pay for this flight to help her move because she added him under herself as family and friends that can fly free. I can't control the OW moving here, nor my husbands actions.
He is still hurt by me and I do believe he is afraid I will hurt him again. No I have never been unfaithful to my husband but I am not gonna paint a picture of me being a perfect wife. I used to be very controlling(to the point he couldn't do things without my permission first) argumentative, I would belittle him and let him tell it made him less of a man, taken all of his happiness away, is this things all wayward spouses say maybe IDK.
I am truly sorry for what I have done to him and have taken steps to change those things I am no longer that way. Me exposing his affair would just give him more the reason to say I knew you wouldn't change and it was just fake. He expects I'm gonna tell his command, and do all the other things for a lack of better words crazy black women do when they have been betrayed. Me feeding into any of that would just prove him right, me fighting with him about any of those things would only be what he is expecting me to do. Trying to stop him I'm sure he would have something to say about that. Some say he is only still here because he is obligated this could be true, but I am not gonna stop him from leaving (do not stand in the way of sinners) but I am not going anywhere either, divorce is not a opinion for me.
The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and when he strikes he hits hard. Last month was a total world wind. My grades started to slip due to me focusing on my circumstances and not on my school work. One of our cars was repossessed and things keeps happening but this doesn't stop my husband from seeing her at least 3-4 times a week. Following a recent conversation I had with my hubby out of anger I gave my husband an ultimatum, his family or this woman but he couldn't have both. He choose her so I told him he was no longer welcome at our home and I put him out.
I felt like I made a huge mistake, but started to get encouraged in truly looking to and holding onto Gods power to work miracles. Sometimes I feel as if I am crazy for believing what I do and still wanting my marriage but I know I am not the only one who has gone through or is going through this.
Really looking for words of encouragement or advise from someone who has been through this and has a restored marriage.
So my husband and I have been married for about 3 years when this happened but it is still going on and I'm still here. We had one beautiful baby girl and I had just given birth to our second born child. About ten days after her being born my hubby told me he wanted a divorce and was no longer happy in our marriage. I spent months trying to convince him that we could work it out but let him tell it our marriage has run its course. My husband wanting a divorce I thought was the worst thing that could ever happen to me but I was wrong. Our youngest passed away at only a few months old and you would think that was hard but two days later I found out that he had stepped out of our marriage. Two of the hardest things they say a marriage could ever face, and I was dealing with both of them. Even with me knowing that I am willing to forgive and have our marriage to be restored. I was some what able to deal with the OW last year because she stayed states away from us, about a good 12 1/2 hour drive. It was a one night stand from someone he knew when he was younger and hadn't spoken to her in about 10-12 years and they just happened to reconnect. Before they got involved she knew he was married and has children. But it is still hard to know that the man that I love, claims to love someone else. Their encounters was very limited last year due to us staying in different states, for the most part she would fly up to sneak around with him or when he went home to his home state she would just so happen to pop up.
The new year has begun and it brought along the mess from last year. This OW has picked up her life and moved to about 45 minutes away from us driving to be closer to my husband. She's a flight attendant and requested a new location with those intentions. Mid January my husband dropped the bomb on me that he is flying down to help this woman move the rest of her things here, seriously. It seems like my situation just went from hopeless to hopelessness.
Below is a somewhat more detailed over view or time line:
Meet the hubby sometime in 2009, got married in 2010 and had our first child later on that year. Didn't know at the time but first encounter happened in summer 2012 while he was away at training. Second child born 2013, passed and found out two days after. He haven't taken divorce off the table but hasn't left either, I am currently a full time student and he says he's not gonna abandon us but I won't start working until I finish school sometime later this year. So maybe that's what he has in his mind IDK. This year the woman decided to move closer. She is a flight attendant so he didn't pay for this flight to help her move because she added him under herself as family and friends that can fly free. I can't control the OW moving here, nor my husbands actions.
He is still hurt by me and I do believe he is afraid I will hurt him again. No I have never been unfaithful to my husband but I am not gonna paint a picture of me being a perfect wife. I used to be very controlling(to the point he couldn't do things without my permission first) argumentative, I would belittle him and let him tell it made him less of a man, taken all of his happiness away, is this things all wayward spouses say maybe IDK.
I am truly sorry for what I have done to him and have taken steps to change those things I am no longer that way. Me exposing his affair would just give him more the reason to say I knew you wouldn't change and it was just fake. He expects I'm gonna tell his command, and do all the other things for a lack of better words crazy black women do when they have been betrayed. Me feeding into any of that would just prove him right, me fighting with him about any of those things would only be what he is expecting me to do. Trying to stop him I'm sure he would have something to say about that. Some say he is only still here because he is obligated this could be true, but I am not gonna stop him from leaving (do not stand in the way of sinners) but I am not going anywhere either, divorce is not a opinion for me.
The devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and when he strikes he hits hard. Last month was a total world wind. My grades started to slip due to me focusing on my circumstances and not on my school work. One of our cars was repossessed and things keeps happening but this doesn't stop my husband from seeing her at least 3-4 times a week. Following a recent conversation I had with my hubby out of anger I gave my husband an ultimatum, his family or this woman but he couldn't have both. He choose her so I told him he was no longer welcome at our home and I put him out.
I felt like I made a huge mistake, but started to get encouraged in truly looking to and holding onto Gods power to work miracles. Sometimes I feel as if I am crazy for believing what I do and still wanting my marriage but I know I am not the only one who has gone through or is going through this.
Really looking for words of encouragement or advise from someone who has been through this and has a restored marriage.
Put the internet to work for you.
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