So after a class reunion, or finding an old friend on Facebook, or after meeting your kid's new baseball team, or joining a new department at the office... suddenly, you're getting attention from some new, attractive person that... GETS you... suddenly, after 12 years of marriage that has turned dull and unattractive... suddenly someone finds YOU... INTERESTING!
My name is Gilded.Bird (lame, I know, I was blanking... haha) and this is totally my story.
Someone suggested I share my story, so here it is. Caveat: It's not all that interesting... and I didn't cheat after all. But it was thisclose... and I've learned some really good lessons out of all of it, so here it goes...
I have been working in my very male-dominated, very technical field for over 15 years. These days, I am the boss. I manage a team of 26, all but 2 are men.
As you can guess, this attracts some attention.
So for the past 15 years... well... there has been a LOT of opportunity out there. I have been with hubby 12 years (married 7). During those 12 years there has been lots of temptation. By colleagues, by friends, by peers, and even by one of his close family members. But not once was I interested. I am going to admit, I have always been really, really smitten with my hubby. I find him super crazy attractive, really intelligent, funny as hell, and just, well, everything.....
BUT...
(there's always a 'but')
THis is MY problem, and not his... my stupidity, and nothing to do with his.... here's the thing. I am nearly 5'10". I have a very distinct look about me. (I had more details about my appearance, but don't want to give myself away... just in case. Paranoia? Maybe). I boss around hard core brainiacs all day and make budget, HR and procurement decisions that affect many. I make presentations, and am very comfortable being at the centre of attention, if need be. I am comfortable taking big decisions. If we met, you'd think I was extremely self-confidant, giggly, full of energy, and afraid of nothing. Total Alpha female.
BUT.... well... sometimes even Mrs. Alpha energy just really really wants to breathe, close her eyes, fall backwards, and let someone else take care of things.
And Hubby... he's just not that guy.
And that is not a bad thing. I know most CWIer males favour the whole Alpha thing... and this is not totally irrelevant to my story, but it's not that Hubby was ever NOT an Alpha. He just is an Alpha that is extremely reserved, distant, and in his own world.
This was nothing new to me when I married him, and it's not a bad thing, and it's not something I couldn't live with. In other words, the problem is with ME, and not due to him lacking in any way.
But then suddenly, I start a new job. And there is a man. Of course. And he's amazingly good looking, but then, so is Hubby. But then he's there, talking to me, sparring with me, challenging me, keeping up with me, which sounds arrogant, and I don't mean it to be, but it feels SO good to talk to someone, strictly about impersonal topics, who can keep up with me. And there is the odd sexual joke, but I've been getting that my entire life, I am sure every woman has, so I just deflect and don't pay much attention.
But then there was some compliments. And then the comments about being so cute when I blush. And then a little comment about how tough something-or-other is at home (in other words, the seed planted that things aren't great with his wife - poooor him). Then "oh, wow, you've got to stop biting your lip, it's so distracting" (I bite my lip sometimes). Then "I can tell you're stressed, I can read it on your face, tell me, is everything okay? Anything I can do?". etc etc. You get the picture.
I start seeing hard core MALE-WITH-A-CAPITAL-M in this guy. He gets $hit done. Tells me what to do. Takes care of things on my behalf with out my asking him to. Gives strong advice. Has a killer body (haha, yes, it helps). Honestly, he made me feel like a feminine, girly girl. Which... wow. I never feel like that.
Eventually, everytime we walk into a room together, I physically feel our ....??? energy?? that sounds melodramatic... but whatever was between us, it was super strong and palatable.
I just ignored it, thinking it was just me finding someone attractive, no biggie, I was sure it was one-sided, me having a harmless crush on some dude.
But then one afternoon, he texted me and pointed out the energy between us. I tried to laugh it off and replied he was nuts. He said I was stupid for denying it. Said he had been crazy about me for months and was going nuts, and wanted to know every single secret about me, I was amazing and blah blah blah.
I didn't reply... and immediately started asking Dr. Google "WTF". *sigh* yes, totally nerdy to research $hit like this, I know, but research is my comfort zone.
Dr. Google sent me here. Where I learned a bunch of great stuff.
So I avoided dude for 4 days while I got my **** together... and finally my text response was to Dude that I didn't think of him that way, we both just found each other fairly attractive, but it was no big deal, just science, and it was not going to be acted on, and that I was smitten and happy with my Husband, and no more texts, please.
I did tell Husband what happened. Unfortunately, he didn't take it all that seriously. He's been used to my being hit on our entire relationship, and honestly, he does not feel any fear at all that he'd lose me. Which is an entire other story :) I don't think he's really grasping, caring or believing that this time was different... this time, a part of me really WANTED it.
Soooo.. yeah... long winded, but that's why I am a lurker here.
Will reply in a moment about WHAT I learned since my near-miss... but first, I require a face wash, jammies and possibly a glass of something nice :)
My name is Gilded.Bird (lame, I know, I was blanking... haha) and this is totally my story.
Someone suggested I share my story, so here it is. Caveat: It's not all that interesting... and I didn't cheat after all. But it was thisclose... and I've learned some really good lessons out of all of it, so here it goes...
I have been working in my very male-dominated, very technical field for over 15 years. These days, I am the boss. I manage a team of 26, all but 2 are men.
As you can guess, this attracts some attention.
So for the past 15 years... well... there has been a LOT of opportunity out there. I have been with hubby 12 years (married 7). During those 12 years there has been lots of temptation. By colleagues, by friends, by peers, and even by one of his close family members. But not once was I interested. I am going to admit, I have always been really, really smitten with my hubby. I find him super crazy attractive, really intelligent, funny as hell, and just, well, everything.....
BUT...
(there's always a 'but')
THis is MY problem, and not his... my stupidity, and nothing to do with his.... here's the thing. I am nearly 5'10". I have a very distinct look about me. (I had more details about my appearance, but don't want to give myself away... just in case. Paranoia? Maybe). I boss around hard core brainiacs all day and make budget, HR and procurement decisions that affect many. I make presentations, and am very comfortable being at the centre of attention, if need be. I am comfortable taking big decisions. If we met, you'd think I was extremely self-confidant, giggly, full of energy, and afraid of nothing. Total Alpha female.
BUT.... well... sometimes even Mrs. Alpha energy just really really wants to breathe, close her eyes, fall backwards, and let someone else take care of things.
And Hubby... he's just not that guy.
And that is not a bad thing. I know most CWIer males favour the whole Alpha thing... and this is not totally irrelevant to my story, but it's not that Hubby was ever NOT an Alpha. He just is an Alpha that is extremely reserved, distant, and in his own world.
This was nothing new to me when I married him, and it's not a bad thing, and it's not something I couldn't live with. In other words, the problem is with ME, and not due to him lacking in any way.
But then suddenly, I start a new job. And there is a man. Of course. And he's amazingly good looking, but then, so is Hubby. But then he's there, talking to me, sparring with me, challenging me, keeping up with me, which sounds arrogant, and I don't mean it to be, but it feels SO good to talk to someone, strictly about impersonal topics, who can keep up with me. And there is the odd sexual joke, but I've been getting that my entire life, I am sure every woman has, so I just deflect and don't pay much attention.
But then there was some compliments. And then the comments about being so cute when I blush. And then a little comment about how tough something-or-other is at home (in other words, the seed planted that things aren't great with his wife - poooor him). Then "oh, wow, you've got to stop biting your lip, it's so distracting" (I bite my lip sometimes). Then "I can tell you're stressed, I can read it on your face, tell me, is everything okay? Anything I can do?". etc etc. You get the picture.
I start seeing hard core MALE-WITH-A-CAPITAL-M in this guy. He gets $hit done. Tells me what to do. Takes care of things on my behalf with out my asking him to. Gives strong advice. Has a killer body (haha, yes, it helps). Honestly, he made me feel like a feminine, girly girl. Which... wow. I never feel like that.
Eventually, everytime we walk into a room together, I physically feel our ....??? energy?? that sounds melodramatic... but whatever was between us, it was super strong and palatable.
I just ignored it, thinking it was just me finding someone attractive, no biggie, I was sure it was one-sided, me having a harmless crush on some dude.
But then one afternoon, he texted me and pointed out the energy between us. I tried to laugh it off and replied he was nuts. He said I was stupid for denying it. Said he had been crazy about me for months and was going nuts, and wanted to know every single secret about me, I was amazing and blah blah blah.
I didn't reply... and immediately started asking Dr. Google "WTF". *sigh* yes, totally nerdy to research $hit like this, I know, but research is my comfort zone.
Dr. Google sent me here. Where I learned a bunch of great stuff.
So I avoided dude for 4 days while I got my **** together... and finally my text response was to Dude that I didn't think of him that way, we both just found each other fairly attractive, but it was no big deal, just science, and it was not going to be acted on, and that I was smitten and happy with my Husband, and no more texts, please.
I did tell Husband what happened. Unfortunately, he didn't take it all that seriously. He's been used to my being hit on our entire relationship, and honestly, he does not feel any fear at all that he'd lose me. Which is an entire other story :) I don't think he's really grasping, caring or believing that this time was different... this time, a part of me really WANTED it.
Soooo.. yeah... long winded, but that's why I am a lurker here.
Will reply in a moment about WHAT I learned since my near-miss... but first, I require a face wash, jammies and possibly a glass of something nice :)
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment