A while back one of my close friends lost her virginity, and for a while afterwards, she was really jumpy and feeling bad. I knew she didn't like the sex but she wouldn't talk to anyone about it.
Today, she explained what happened to me. It was at a party, she was kissing the guy, but she told him she didn't want it to go further. He said he wanted to have sex with her but she continually said no and pushed him away. She was "pinned down" while trying to push him away, and said he had to stop as she didn't want to and he didn't have a condom. I said to her, "um, so he raped you?" and she was like, "no no, it wasn't rape, don't say that". She said it wasn't a big deal and she had gotten over it, but knew she was shaken up after it. Her argument for it not being rape was that it wasn't violent and that she didn't yell for help or put up a fight like she knows she could have done. She also said he was in her house the other day (he's a friend of her brother's) and she felt scared.
I really want to help her but she won't let me. I get the impression she's ashamed/embarrassed, from the way she was saying things.
I totally respect her and if she doesn't want to make a big deal of it then that's her choice and I get that, and I'm not sure if it's my place to judge or whatever. But I feel like I'm not being a good friend by ignoring it. What should I do?
Today, she explained what happened to me. It was at a party, she was kissing the guy, but she told him she didn't want it to go further. He said he wanted to have sex with her but she continually said no and pushed him away. She was "pinned down" while trying to push him away, and said he had to stop as she didn't want to and he didn't have a condom. I said to her, "um, so he raped you?" and she was like, "no no, it wasn't rape, don't say that". She said it wasn't a big deal and she had gotten over it, but knew she was shaken up after it. Her argument for it not being rape was that it wasn't violent and that she didn't yell for help or put up a fight like she knows she could have done. She also said he was in her house the other day (he's a friend of her brother's) and she felt scared.
I really want to help her but she won't let me. I get the impression she's ashamed/embarrassed, from the way she was saying things.
I totally respect her and if she doesn't want to make a big deal of it then that's her choice and I get that, and I'm not sure if it's my place to judge or whatever. But I feel like I'm not being a good friend by ignoring it. What should I do?
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