Feelings and thoughts on differences between men and women when it comes to infidelit
This was a post I put under another guys thread but it became a bit of a thread jack so I decided to place it here as it's own post and will likely post it on other sites as well. Because I'm very curious to start a dialogue about many things I've been learning while studying more and more about relationship and infidelity as a unit and as they exist separately.
Why so many have such a hard time getting over the physical aspect.
But it is still going to be very hard. Most men cannot stay and be happy after this has occurred. There was a posting of a study on here or another site that showed the numbers that stay after infidelity and when the wife cheats, far more of those marriages don't stay together. Though a part of this could be explained by the fact that women often cheat both physically and emotionally so they may themselves leave their betrayed spouse.
But I also find large numbers of men who can't get over it if it was physical. And this has to primarily with the bilogocal and social pecking order. You have been made into the second choice sexually, she preferred another man over and that is often too hard to get over.
And yes i am with the crowd that believes men and women are different. Not just asexual beings only differentiated by penis or lack thereof, but rather very different all together.
So the same theories cannot apply unilaterally across the board without taking gender into account.
And as far as your counselor is concerned, many counselors don't truly get men and try this one size fits all approach. After all, there really is no male psychology subset. And do remember that psychology as a profession really came about recently. And really started taking a foothold for couple counseling etc even more recently. So it's likely to be skewed by the "modern" bias that developed where we believe in treating men and women as carbon copies of one another emotionally.
Very much all of a mans identity is as a sexual being. You can't bear children, you can't nurse children. You can have sex....that's how you play into the reproductive equation. So when that is removed from you........it's bad. A similar feeling would be a man choosing to have babies with another woman other than his wife. Even though his wife is very much wanting babies with him. Then after the wife finds out, she feels very much like second choice and not worthy on a level that is so deep and so engrained in her, that simply expecting she can choose to get over it any time she wants, would be considered ludicrous.
But yet with a man, we again dismiss and downplay his feelings and emotions and say "it was just sex", "it's no different than her having had sex with others before you" etc etc.
And yet it comes up time and time again, that men do feel differently about the act when it occurs after their wife has been with them. It's not about dates, timing, or what arrangement or commitment quid qou pro was in place at the time.
For example, many men can't get back together with their lady if they break up or separate and she goes out and has sex with other men. Technically she was not breaking any commitments. They were broke up. But many men I've talked with cannot get over the idea she gave herself to another man......even though they know she had other men before himself.
It's a working theory I'm loosely calling "special penis complex."
It's explains that men think of their penis as special. It's the most special penis god ever created. And his lady was only satisfied or desired those other penises because she didn't know his special penis existed or how truly special it was. But now, after had his penis, it challenges everything he thinks of his penis and by extension himself when she chooses to go have another after having had his.
I've seen this so often on these forums and others, plus in my own life with a lot of the men I talk with.
Ok I'm interested in some thoughts from men and women about all this. Please include your status (married, single divorced, betrayed spouse, wayward spouse, other man, other woman, and sex and age, if you would please). It helps to me to better develop my own theories and understanding.
This was a post I put under another guys thread but it became a bit of a thread jack so I decided to place it here as it's own post and will likely post it on other sites as well. Because I'm very curious to start a dialogue about many things I've been learning while studying more and more about relationship and infidelity as a unit and as they exist separately.
Why so many have such a hard time getting over the physical aspect.
But it is still going to be very hard. Most men cannot stay and be happy after this has occurred. There was a posting of a study on here or another site that showed the numbers that stay after infidelity and when the wife cheats, far more of those marriages don't stay together. Though a part of this could be explained by the fact that women often cheat both physically and emotionally so they may themselves leave their betrayed spouse.
But I also find large numbers of men who can't get over it if it was physical. And this has to primarily with the bilogocal and social pecking order. You have been made into the second choice sexually, she preferred another man over and that is often too hard to get over.
And yes i am with the crowd that believes men and women are different. Not just asexual beings only differentiated by penis or lack thereof, but rather very different all together.
So the same theories cannot apply unilaterally across the board without taking gender into account.
And as far as your counselor is concerned, many counselors don't truly get men and try this one size fits all approach. After all, there really is no male psychology subset. And do remember that psychology as a profession really came about recently. And really started taking a foothold for couple counseling etc even more recently. So it's likely to be skewed by the "modern" bias that developed where we believe in treating men and women as carbon copies of one another emotionally.
Very much all of a mans identity is as a sexual being. You can't bear children, you can't nurse children. You can have sex....that's how you play into the reproductive equation. So when that is removed from you........it's bad. A similar feeling would be a man choosing to have babies with another woman other than his wife. Even though his wife is very much wanting babies with him. Then after the wife finds out, she feels very much like second choice and not worthy on a level that is so deep and so engrained in her, that simply expecting she can choose to get over it any time she wants, would be considered ludicrous.
But yet with a man, we again dismiss and downplay his feelings and emotions and say "it was just sex", "it's no different than her having had sex with others before you" etc etc.
And yet it comes up time and time again, that men do feel differently about the act when it occurs after their wife has been with them. It's not about dates, timing, or what arrangement or commitment quid qou pro was in place at the time.
For example, many men can't get back together with their lady if they break up or separate and she goes out and has sex with other men. Technically she was not breaking any commitments. They were broke up. But many men I've talked with cannot get over the idea she gave herself to another man......even though they know she had other men before himself.
It's a working theory I'm loosely calling "special penis complex."
It's explains that men think of their penis as special. It's the most special penis god ever created. And his lady was only satisfied or desired those other penises because she didn't know his special penis existed or how truly special it was. But now, after had his penis, it challenges everything he thinks of his penis and by extension himself when she chooses to go have another after having had his.
I've seen this so often on these forums and others, plus in my own life with a lot of the men I talk with.
Ok I'm interested in some thoughts from men and women about all this. Please include your status (married, single divorced, betrayed spouse, wayward spouse, other man, other woman, and sex and age, if you would please). It helps to me to better develop my own theories and understanding.
Put the internet to work for you.
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