Valentine Day has been a difficult day to celebrate with my wife. I proposed marriage to her on this day many years ago and it should be a day of celebrating our love. However it is a day of emotional anger and frustration on my part. On this day, February 14 many years ago she hooked up sexually with a guy she had just met at our local gas station. She met him on Wednesday afternoon when she was getting gas and gave him her phone number. He called her early Friday morning (I was home packing for a trip. I must have been in the shower, never heard the phone ringing.) and asked if they could hang out that evening and she told him to come over for something to eat after 6. He got to our place about 7 and left early Sunday evening.
Years later, for whatever reason, only known to her, she confessed everything that happened that Valentine weekend. GOD I WISH SHE HADEN'T. I wish she would have taken that incident to the grave. She said she needed to get it out.
She had called me at work and told me we needed to have one of our "family meetings." When I asked, "What's up," she just said it was important. We usually had these meetings to discuss finances, vacations, her parents or mine or the kids; so I didn't get overly concerned. Her domineer when she got home from work seemed nervous, agitated. I asked what's wrong and she snapped at me, and then apologized. She said we need to talk now and comely began her confession. This entire episode has been etched into my soul because of its content.
She reminded me that I had to be out of town that Valentine weekend and she drove me to the airport Friday afternoon. Our conversation was casual until she told me that she had a date that weekend with a guy she met two days before. That info hit me like a ton of bricks. We had been dating for over a year and a half and the last six months we had been living together; we both were 25 at the time. I thought we were committed to each other. My anger raged and I forcefully told her how absurd this was and if she cared for me she wouldn't do this. My wife, then my girlfriend was telling me we needed to talk about our relationship when I got back. "It wasn't going anywhere," she said and she was not cancelling the date. My departure of course wasn't pleasant and my emotional state was frantic during the flight.
I remembered that after I had checked into the motel I realized Sunday was Feb. 14th and I began to think about losing her and decided I would call her Valentine's Day to ask her to marry me. At 9:30 Valentine morning I called her to wish her a Happy Valentine and ask her to marry me. Her response was "Can we discuss it later." Feeling rejected, I said OK and ended this short call. Later that day I called mutual friends who lived in the city my trip took me to and they told me she had called them to say her answer was yes; she didn't know the name of the hotel I was staying at, so she called them. I caught a flight back later that afternoon to be with her and share the excitement, a few months later we were married.
She continued to fill in the details of what happened that weekend. When I had called her to propose, she and her date were in bed having sex, he had slept over (in my bed). She didn't want to answer the phone since she was involved with her "new man", and just let it ring but her sex partner picked up the phone and handed it to her since the ringing was distracting him. She didn't know what to say since her date was about to orgasm. She said that's why she said what she said, she said she was confused. She also said her date heard my end of the conversation and began to laugh and become more of the alpha male as his sexual passion increased.
A few months later I did something I never thought I would do. But I felt forced emotionally, I had to read her diary, I had to learn more. I should have burned it. There were more details about her weekend she never told me, maybe to spare me more emotional grief. Her dates name was Javier and she said he was gorgeous and referred to him as an Adonis; a women's fantasy fulfilled in every way possible. She described him in detail and there were a few Polaroid pictures of him and her naked. Her entries described their activities over the weekend, sexual and non-sexual. She stated he had a sense of humor. She wrote that as he was saying good-by, he said, "I've left you well lubricated for your boyfriend and if you need a refill just call me." These words were seared into my thoughts. Since we were married months later and my wife became pregnant 2 to 3 weeks after the marriage my twisted imagination began to think maybe my son might be his, he isn't. I'm well aware how long sperm can thrive, but reading the details of their weekend together did a job on my imagination.
She had been sexually active since she was 18 and on the pill; that was not a problem for me. All of that was before I knew her. But I knew she did not like the feel of condoms and preferred sex without them. When I got back, of course we were intimate, to celebrate our engagement. But back then my gut told me something was different about this emotional encounter; her body, her emotions felt different. I just chalked it up to being engaged. As she continued the details I realized that I was intimate with her just a few hours after the other guy had left. His sperm was still inside her when we were intimate. I began to visualize in 3-D their actions; his hands, his body fluid all over her. With disgust I flew out of control and I yelled and smashed my fist through the wall. That anger has stayed with me all these years. I know it's not productive, but I can't let it go.
I think I knew unconsciously something had occurred at that time, but dismissed it. She continued telling me that they spent the weekend together and the two were very involved physically. She said she did things with him that she has never done sexually with me her husband. I won't get into the details due to protocol of this site. But she let it all out, every detail, or at least I thought so. I felt like throwing up, this was the women I loved and she let another man share the most personal thing between two people while supposedly we were a couple. How, Why would she do this? We've never done some of the sexual activity she described. How could …….? I was angry, upset, raging with anger, but after the years invested in each other, and two children what could I do; I suppressed my rage. I rationalized that it happened years ago and that she has been a great wife. Then months later during an argument she tells me she never loved me. Another kick in the ass.
She told me she felt she was never going to get asked to be married. Since I asked she accepted. She had thought that maybe something might be there between her and the guy she screwed Valentine weekend. But I guess she knew it was just a physical attraction. She told me she called him that following Monday to tell him she said yes to her boyfriend's proposal. He told her that was great and he was going away with a girlfriend for the week and if she wanted to hook up again, she had his number. He told her he had a great time and would love to see her again.
She had dated many men and had been intimate with them since she was 18. These relationships lasted one night, a few days, weeks, or months, and in one case over a year. She said the guys seemed really interested in her, but after sex they tended to move on. She'd get calls from her dates but they weren't interested in her, it was about hooking up, or they'd tell her they'd met someone else and were moving on, or marrying them. She had even told me about her first sexual experience.
This brief digression might give insight about her. She was dating a guy from collage who she really liked and had a great time with and thought there was a future with. They would talk on the phone and spend a lot of time together constantly. They dated for a few months and he was a loving responsive partner with her, but was always pushing her for sex. She told him she was a virgin and wanted to remain one, he said he under stood and was ok with it. When they made out it was in his car and he would ask her to relieve him by hand if they weren't having sex, she did. Around the fourth month they were at a Drive-In movie theatre making out in the back seat. She said they were into it hot and heavy when he asked about rubbing his penis around the outside of her vagina. After all the time they spent dating she trusted him and agreed. She said she told him not to enter since she wanted to remain a virgin and he didn't have a condom. She said he started to rub and then suddenly pushed all the way in. That was the last time she saw or heard from him, he never called her again or took her calls. Fortunately she didn't get pregnant, she wasn't on the pill. She found out from a friend of his who had called her for a date that he had gotten engaged to his previous girlfriend. She went out with the friend to discover he had been told she was an easy lay, that's why he called. She was hurt because she trusted and liked her previous boyfriend. She decided since she was no longer a virgin and everybody was doing it, she would too.
One of the things that attracted me to her besides her beauty was her honesty and trusting nature. She always went out of her way not to offend or hurt any ones feelings. So to hear all of this about her cheating and being physical with another man was unbearable to listen to. As she told me all of this she didn't seem remorseful or apologetic. It was all spilled out, almost as a narrative of something that happened to someone else. She said it happened, it was past history and that was it.
If I had known all this before marriage and children, I would have walked away. But with a family, I've stayed. Then finding out she never loved me. She only said YES because no one else had asked her to marry them. She said I was a nice guy; she enjoyed my company and wanted children with some security. That's why she said yes.
Over the years I have been silent about my anger and have dived into other pursuits to keep my imagination about what occurred muzzled; children, work, hobbies, etc. I just can't do it anymore. Walking away now, after all the years together, I don't know? There were occasions I did bring it up for more discussion. Her responses were, "We've talked about it, let it go. Get over it!" HOW DO YOU LET IT GO? It's a constant pain that is with me 24 x 7, even years later. If I left it would still haunt me, so I stay.
Years later, for whatever reason, only known to her, she confessed everything that happened that Valentine weekend. GOD I WISH SHE HADEN'T. I wish she would have taken that incident to the grave. She said she needed to get it out.
She had called me at work and told me we needed to have one of our "family meetings." When I asked, "What's up," she just said it was important. We usually had these meetings to discuss finances, vacations, her parents or mine or the kids; so I didn't get overly concerned. Her domineer when she got home from work seemed nervous, agitated. I asked what's wrong and she snapped at me, and then apologized. She said we need to talk now and comely began her confession. This entire episode has been etched into my soul because of its content.
She reminded me that I had to be out of town that Valentine weekend and she drove me to the airport Friday afternoon. Our conversation was casual until she told me that she had a date that weekend with a guy she met two days before. That info hit me like a ton of bricks. We had been dating for over a year and a half and the last six months we had been living together; we both were 25 at the time. I thought we were committed to each other. My anger raged and I forcefully told her how absurd this was and if she cared for me she wouldn't do this. My wife, then my girlfriend was telling me we needed to talk about our relationship when I got back. "It wasn't going anywhere," she said and she was not cancelling the date. My departure of course wasn't pleasant and my emotional state was frantic during the flight.
I remembered that after I had checked into the motel I realized Sunday was Feb. 14th and I began to think about losing her and decided I would call her Valentine's Day to ask her to marry me. At 9:30 Valentine morning I called her to wish her a Happy Valentine and ask her to marry me. Her response was "Can we discuss it later." Feeling rejected, I said OK and ended this short call. Later that day I called mutual friends who lived in the city my trip took me to and they told me she had called them to say her answer was yes; she didn't know the name of the hotel I was staying at, so she called them. I caught a flight back later that afternoon to be with her and share the excitement, a few months later we were married.
She continued to fill in the details of what happened that weekend. When I had called her to propose, she and her date were in bed having sex, he had slept over (in my bed). She didn't want to answer the phone since she was involved with her "new man", and just let it ring but her sex partner picked up the phone and handed it to her since the ringing was distracting him. She didn't know what to say since her date was about to orgasm. She said that's why she said what she said, she said she was confused. She also said her date heard my end of the conversation and began to laugh and become more of the alpha male as his sexual passion increased.
A few months later I did something I never thought I would do. But I felt forced emotionally, I had to read her diary, I had to learn more. I should have burned it. There were more details about her weekend she never told me, maybe to spare me more emotional grief. Her dates name was Javier and she said he was gorgeous and referred to him as an Adonis; a women's fantasy fulfilled in every way possible. She described him in detail and there were a few Polaroid pictures of him and her naked. Her entries described their activities over the weekend, sexual and non-sexual. She stated he had a sense of humor. She wrote that as he was saying good-by, he said, "I've left you well lubricated for your boyfriend and if you need a refill just call me." These words were seared into my thoughts. Since we were married months later and my wife became pregnant 2 to 3 weeks after the marriage my twisted imagination began to think maybe my son might be his, he isn't. I'm well aware how long sperm can thrive, but reading the details of their weekend together did a job on my imagination.
She had been sexually active since she was 18 and on the pill; that was not a problem for me. All of that was before I knew her. But I knew she did not like the feel of condoms and preferred sex without them. When I got back, of course we were intimate, to celebrate our engagement. But back then my gut told me something was different about this emotional encounter; her body, her emotions felt different. I just chalked it up to being engaged. As she continued the details I realized that I was intimate with her just a few hours after the other guy had left. His sperm was still inside her when we were intimate. I began to visualize in 3-D their actions; his hands, his body fluid all over her. With disgust I flew out of control and I yelled and smashed my fist through the wall. That anger has stayed with me all these years. I know it's not productive, but I can't let it go.
I think I knew unconsciously something had occurred at that time, but dismissed it. She continued telling me that they spent the weekend together and the two were very involved physically. She said she did things with him that she has never done sexually with me her husband. I won't get into the details due to protocol of this site. But she let it all out, every detail, or at least I thought so. I felt like throwing up, this was the women I loved and she let another man share the most personal thing between two people while supposedly we were a couple. How, Why would she do this? We've never done some of the sexual activity she described. How could …….? I was angry, upset, raging with anger, but after the years invested in each other, and two children what could I do; I suppressed my rage. I rationalized that it happened years ago and that she has been a great wife. Then months later during an argument she tells me she never loved me. Another kick in the ass.
She told me she felt she was never going to get asked to be married. Since I asked she accepted. She had thought that maybe something might be there between her and the guy she screwed Valentine weekend. But I guess she knew it was just a physical attraction. She told me she called him that following Monday to tell him she said yes to her boyfriend's proposal. He told her that was great and he was going away with a girlfriend for the week and if she wanted to hook up again, she had his number. He told her he had a great time and would love to see her again.
She had dated many men and had been intimate with them since she was 18. These relationships lasted one night, a few days, weeks, or months, and in one case over a year. She said the guys seemed really interested in her, but after sex they tended to move on. She'd get calls from her dates but they weren't interested in her, it was about hooking up, or they'd tell her they'd met someone else and were moving on, or marrying them. She had even told me about her first sexual experience.
This brief digression might give insight about her. She was dating a guy from collage who she really liked and had a great time with and thought there was a future with. They would talk on the phone and spend a lot of time together constantly. They dated for a few months and he was a loving responsive partner with her, but was always pushing her for sex. She told him she was a virgin and wanted to remain one, he said he under stood and was ok with it. When they made out it was in his car and he would ask her to relieve him by hand if they weren't having sex, she did. Around the fourth month they were at a Drive-In movie theatre making out in the back seat. She said they were into it hot and heavy when he asked about rubbing his penis around the outside of her vagina. After all the time they spent dating she trusted him and agreed. She said she told him not to enter since she wanted to remain a virgin and he didn't have a condom. She said he started to rub and then suddenly pushed all the way in. That was the last time she saw or heard from him, he never called her again or took her calls. Fortunately she didn't get pregnant, she wasn't on the pill. She found out from a friend of his who had called her for a date that he had gotten engaged to his previous girlfriend. She went out with the friend to discover he had been told she was an easy lay, that's why he called. She was hurt because she trusted and liked her previous boyfriend. She decided since she was no longer a virgin and everybody was doing it, she would too.
One of the things that attracted me to her besides her beauty was her honesty and trusting nature. She always went out of her way not to offend or hurt any ones feelings. So to hear all of this about her cheating and being physical with another man was unbearable to listen to. As she told me all of this she didn't seem remorseful or apologetic. It was all spilled out, almost as a narrative of something that happened to someone else. She said it happened, it was past history and that was it.
If I had known all this before marriage and children, I would have walked away. But with a family, I've stayed. Then finding out she never loved me. She only said YES because no one else had asked her to marry them. She said I was a nice guy; she enjoyed my company and wanted children with some security. That's why she said yes.
Over the years I have been silent about my anger and have dived into other pursuits to keep my imagination about what occurred muzzled; children, work, hobbies, etc. I just can't do it anymore. Walking away now, after all the years together, I don't know? There were occasions I did bring it up for more discussion. Her responses were, "We've talked about it, let it go. Get over it!" HOW DO YOU LET IT GO? It's a constant pain that is with me 24 x 7, even years later. If I left it would still haunt me, so I stay.
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