I was wondering what your feedback is on how I am approaching things right now. I'm a pretty forgiving person, quick to smooth things over and let things go so whenever there have been issues with my husband it's been quickly got past and I've remained 'nice'. Obviously it doesn't work, we go around in the same circle, and I've had enough. Things have got to change and so I'm making sure he owns his own reactions and just getting on with what I need to do in response. I did get an email from him yesterday acknowledging his emotional neglect of me and that I'd been let down in spite of what I'd given, and he knows he's avoided issues, blah blah blah. That's no longer enough. I need to see action, and not just for a day or two. His words never go anywhere. So you could say my responses to him are pretty detached at the moment. In response, I now have push-back from him. I suppose that is a good thing - it's good to see some reaction for once. A couple of ex amples:
He's decided that, since he's not appreciated, he's not going to work as hard and cut the household budget. I gave him a list of ways he is appreciated and he agreed with it all. I have responded by not saying much about it but just being practical and cutting expenses to fit. Some of these were things I got for him regularly that are luxuries and were got as appreciation because I felt he deserved it since he works hard. With the new budget, I can't afford them anymore. We have to cut the cloth to fit. He's not happy. Am I being unfair?
This morning he was working at home as he sometimes does - but the desk he normally uses isn't accessible because the kids have the day off school and they were playing in the room. I told him that if he wanted to use that desk he would need to move the kids from that room to another room. Surely this is no big deal? He got annoyed and said, "I might as well just go into work then". In my current frame I said to him, "That's up to you if you don't want to move the kids". So he threw his computer in his bag and stormed out the door. I'm neutral, he can throw his toys out of the cot again. I'm going to have a good day. Did I handle that ok?
My thought is that my change in approach is needed for him to realize it is critical he takes action. I feel so much better in my own inner peace having stepped back from trying to make things right all the time. Thoughts?
He's decided that, since he's not appreciated, he's not going to work as hard and cut the household budget. I gave him a list of ways he is appreciated and he agreed with it all. I have responded by not saying much about it but just being practical and cutting expenses to fit. Some of these were things I got for him regularly that are luxuries and were got as appreciation because I felt he deserved it since he works hard. With the new budget, I can't afford them anymore. We have to cut the cloth to fit. He's not happy. Am I being unfair?
This morning he was working at home as he sometimes does - but the desk he normally uses isn't accessible because the kids have the day off school and they were playing in the room. I told him that if he wanted to use that desk he would need to move the kids from that room to another room. Surely this is no big deal? He got annoyed and said, "I might as well just go into work then". In my current frame I said to him, "That's up to you if you don't want to move the kids". So he threw his computer in his bag and stormed out the door. I'm neutral, he can throw his toys out of the cot again. I'm going to have a good day. Did I handle that ok?
My thought is that my change in approach is needed for him to realize it is critical he takes action. I feel so much better in my own inner peace having stepped back from trying to make things right all the time. Thoughts?
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