Hi all, I've been lurking for a few weeks and decided to toss my experiences out there.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years and will have been married for 10 years as of next month. Like most people, we have had our ups and downs but we have never carried on like we are now.
As of about a month ago, my wife decided that she was ready to move on. She has asked me how I would feel if she got an apartment for a while so she could clear her head out. This of course would involve her taking our two kids with her (4 and 15 months) as she suggests. I own a second house and told her that if it came down to separation, I would move into that home to avoid uprooting the kids and making it too difficult on them.
Over the last two weeks we have had many many discussions about the issues with our marriage as she sees them. I cannot help but agree with her that my attitude has brought on much of what she feels. She will not commit to leaving yet, nor will she ask me to go. Tonight, before she left for dinner with a friend that is in town for the night, she did commit to us at least staying in the same home for three months. This would get us through our anniversary, our family trip to Disney, and the holidays. She hopes to see an abundance of change in that time and hopes that her feelings for me return. As of now, she says that she has built up a total wall around her and that my feelings are not a big concern to her. I believe her when she says it as I have not seen a single spark of care out of her in at least a month. Three times in the couple weeks she has went out to get away from me. One of those nights ended up with her asleep on a friends couch and me being a total wr eck at 4:30 in the morning. I am sure that there is no affair going on, she is not that kind of person and would be honest with me.
Now a little bit about me and why she is so unhappy! I have been dealing with depression that I have refuse to admit to over the past two years. My mother was run down in a parking lot and killed at work so it was quite sudden. Until recently, I had not even started to cope with it or even admit that I had an issue. During this time I have grown increasingly distant from everyone around me.
The issues finally came to a head around three months ago when I started having extreme anxiety and my blood pressure went through the roof. Having become withdrawn, I did not even bother talking to my wife about my issues. I had also put most all of the responsibility of keeping up the house and taking care of two kids on her as I did not even begin to stay involved with those around me. The next thing I realized, I was either locking myself in my office all day at work or leaving early. After a good month, she finally forced me to go to the doctor and they put me on BP meds as well as some anti-anxiety meds. I took a week off work to recover but it still took me a solid three weeks before I started to recover at all. During this time it all became too much for her.
I had caught strep and was too sick to really fight. She tried to explain to me what my sickness was doing to her but I was too sick and tired to listen. For the only time in my life, I told her that I just did not care to listen right now and proceeded to go lay down. This was the beginning of the situation that I am in now.
Since that day she has totally walled me off. It is unfortunate because after a couple days of late night talks, I feel better than I have in years. I was able to tell her about the place where I had been mentally and admit to the personal misery that I had been going through. Too little too late I am afraid. I am finally in a place of clarity where I have become a hands on father and a contributor to the duties around the house. I told her that I understand her frustration and that she distanced herself from a man who had become hopeless but I planned to do everything in my power to make amends.
Even though we had fought about things such as housework or getting up with kids at night, we have never talked of separation. With her no promises discussion of three months I feel as though my days around here are numbered and that she will continue to use that time to ease herself into the transition. I told her that this would be the only time that we would have this discussion and that if it happened again, I would happily leave on my own.
I am really at a loss. I plan to continue on being positive and helpful but I fear that her mind is made up. I guess I really just needed to vent somewhere. Hopefully this will have a happy ending.
My wife and I have been together for 13 years and will have been married for 10 years as of next month. Like most people, we have had our ups and downs but we have never carried on like we are now.
As of about a month ago, my wife decided that she was ready to move on. She has asked me how I would feel if she got an apartment for a while so she could clear her head out. This of course would involve her taking our two kids with her (4 and 15 months) as she suggests. I own a second house and told her that if it came down to separation, I would move into that home to avoid uprooting the kids and making it too difficult on them.
Over the last two weeks we have had many many discussions about the issues with our marriage as she sees them. I cannot help but agree with her that my attitude has brought on much of what she feels. She will not commit to leaving yet, nor will she ask me to go. Tonight, before she left for dinner with a friend that is in town for the night, she did commit to us at least staying in the same home for three months. This would get us through our anniversary, our family trip to Disney, and the holidays. She hopes to see an abundance of change in that time and hopes that her feelings for me return. As of now, she says that she has built up a total wall around her and that my feelings are not a big concern to her. I believe her when she says it as I have not seen a single spark of care out of her in at least a month. Three times in the couple weeks she has went out to get away from me. One of those nights ended up with her asleep on a friends couch and me being a total wr eck at 4:30 in the morning. I am sure that there is no affair going on, she is not that kind of person and would be honest with me.
Now a little bit about me and why she is so unhappy! I have been dealing with depression that I have refuse to admit to over the past two years. My mother was run down in a parking lot and killed at work so it was quite sudden. Until recently, I had not even started to cope with it or even admit that I had an issue. During this time I have grown increasingly distant from everyone around me.
The issues finally came to a head around three months ago when I started having extreme anxiety and my blood pressure went through the roof. Having become withdrawn, I did not even bother talking to my wife about my issues. I had also put most all of the responsibility of keeping up the house and taking care of two kids on her as I did not even begin to stay involved with those around me. The next thing I realized, I was either locking myself in my office all day at work or leaving early. After a good month, she finally forced me to go to the doctor and they put me on BP meds as well as some anti-anxiety meds. I took a week off work to recover but it still took me a solid three weeks before I started to recover at all. During this time it all became too much for her.
I had caught strep and was too sick to really fight. She tried to explain to me what my sickness was doing to her but I was too sick and tired to listen. For the only time in my life, I told her that I just did not care to listen right now and proceeded to go lay down. This was the beginning of the situation that I am in now.
Since that day she has totally walled me off. It is unfortunate because after a couple days of late night talks, I feel better than I have in years. I was able to tell her about the place where I had been mentally and admit to the personal misery that I had been going through. Too little too late I am afraid. I am finally in a place of clarity where I have become a hands on father and a contributor to the duties around the house. I told her that I understand her frustration and that she distanced herself from a man who had become hopeless but I planned to do everything in my power to make amends.
Even though we had fought about things such as housework or getting up with kids at night, we have never talked of separation. With her no promises discussion of three months I feel as though my days around here are numbered and that she will continue to use that time to ease herself into the transition. I told her that this would be the only time that we would have this discussion and that if it happened again, I would happily leave on my own.
I am really at a loss. I plan to continue on being positive and helpful but I fear that her mind is made up. I guess I really just needed to vent somewhere. Hopefully this will have a happy ending.
Put the internet to work for you.
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