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In a hard place in my marriage

I've been married 8 years, have 3 kids. My wife had an affair 4 years ago and during, absolutely denied something was going on. She played it off as innocent and platonic. Though I had a gut instinct and confronted her about her actions, she denied and even went as far as to say that I should feel like an idiot for thinking that way. It was only after I found out (threw emails) that she could not deny anymore. She begged and we agreed to work things out rather than get a divorce.

Fast forward to present day. For the most part things got better, she was an open book as far as texts, emails, facebook, etc. until about last year. She took the position that she is a grown woman and should be able to have friends guy or girl as long as it's not crossing any boundaries. As such, she has been texting a co-worker a lot since last year that I accused her of having an EA with and of course she denies. It's come in 2 waves. Last year we fought about it heavily to where I thought our marriage was over and then all of a sudden she stopped and our marriage seemed to get better. The texting appears to have started up again since March of this year. Of course I brought it to her attention again and she says it's only a friendship and will never be anything more. Needless to say, I am on guard due to our past and very insecure.

Because of my insecurity and "neediness" we had a huge fight in July. She went to her family and told them how I am so needy but nothing about her actions. Since then things have been cold between us. Another thing I don't like is that she goes to her girlfriend's house in the evenings. With her past, it makes me wonder if she's going somewhere else. I don't have proof that she is having an EA and that she is not going to her friend's house but since things are so cold, I don't know what to do or think.

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