So it may seem dramatic, but during the time i've known this girl, much of my thoughts of college are centered around getting her, and the pain is so much worse because if only I had acted correctly I could have had the girl of my dreams. I now walk the streets, listening to music on the brink of tears. I started a college course in September 2012, I was 17 and as I was a latecomer to the class all eyes were on me, but mine were fixated on this girl who I truely saw as a girl I could only wish for, id never had a proper girlfriend, and she was apparently out of reach. A bit about her, she has guys falling at her feet, she is stunning and is white/black with 100% the best personality I have EVER seen in a girl, everyone agrees and she openly knows she is desired. She could get most guys she likes.
Me, I would consider myself good looking especially in our class where the guys are not as prideful in their appearance as myself, but my personality only shines when im comfortable with people. After a while we FINALLY spoke, a flirtacious friendship escalated due to her quirkiness, it seemed like I was rejecting it but the truth is I was speechless and could not act normal around her, she added me on BBM, posted my name on a mutual friends FB wall saying "is (my name) there " so I could find her FB lol she would ask me "where are you going for lunch" "come with me to the printer" "come with me to the cafe" etc she tried desperately to befriend me, and eventually said "why are you so quiet" all I could say was "im not used to new people".
She took photos of us, put one on instagram and the ONLY person that liked it was her older sister (did she tell her about me?) she made personal vlogs, and included me in them lol and one time when discussing body hair on men, she called me across the class just to check out my legs lol? My awkwardness and insecurity led to me waiting for her to speak to me, and me avoiding her. Eventually, everything stopped. We could go whole days without speaking and when I tried to engage because I was desperate to befriend her again, it was so awkward. I would buy BBM, just to speak the odd once a month, hoping we could have conversations, hoping she would send me winks, kisses, and generally flirt again. NOTHING.
Fast forward to this year (the second year of our course) I was gutted and my heart sunk when I found out she volunteered to move class (people had to go) she is one of the main reasons I turned up, now its rare I see her but I think it will become more common as the year progresses, ive seen her on 3 occasions in 1 week when in a group, and this past week we was on a school trip together and joked together in a group. We clashed eyes on occasion which I hoped was a sign, but its more likely just by chance. As we all left to go home from the trip, I asked if she was coming with me and a couple of my friends (one of which she does not like) she said "no, ill see you monday".
Nowdays, I rarely directly speak to her and we both sense this underlying awkwardness when we speak or are in company, im unsure if she associates it with our early friendship (if she even remembers it like I do) when I think back, im SO sure she liked me back then, I was so ****ing blind and it kills me. My only hope, is the fact she is REALLY good friends with a girl-friend of mine in my class and they stay over houses etc im hoping to somehow bring up the fact I like/liked her and im sure she liked me EARLY on to her friend who is also mine, im not afraid to risk saying that. People used to joke around saying I liked her anyway, so admitting that wont be too difficult either. I may be clutching at straws but hope is what keeps us going in life. I hope it is not over, otherwise it was a harsh lesson learned.
I have less than one year to do something! im not confident in how she feels about me, im usually good at reading people and how they percieve me, and at the peak of our relation I think I was seen as the mysterious and quiet guy who she had a slight crush on, presently I THINK im the comic who its hard for her to speak to because its quite awkward, and I hang around with a couple guys she dislikes, so im far from dating material anymore. I could do with some help/advice, I truely have feelings for this girl and they are not going anywhere. I should also mention she started seeing a guy in college underwraps, that was pre-summer, I dont think its ongoing now.
Me, I would consider myself good looking especially in our class where the guys are not as prideful in their appearance as myself, but my personality only shines when im comfortable with people. After a while we FINALLY spoke, a flirtacious friendship escalated due to her quirkiness, it seemed like I was rejecting it but the truth is I was speechless and could not act normal around her, she added me on BBM, posted my name on a mutual friends FB wall saying "is (my name) there " so I could find her FB lol she would ask me "where are you going for lunch" "come with me to the printer" "come with me to the cafe" etc she tried desperately to befriend me, and eventually said "why are you so quiet" all I could say was "im not used to new people".
She took photos of us, put one on instagram and the ONLY person that liked it was her older sister (did she tell her about me?) she made personal vlogs, and included me in them lol and one time when discussing body hair on men, she called me across the class just to check out my legs lol? My awkwardness and insecurity led to me waiting for her to speak to me, and me avoiding her. Eventually, everything stopped. We could go whole days without speaking and when I tried to engage because I was desperate to befriend her again, it was so awkward. I would buy BBM, just to speak the odd once a month, hoping we could have conversations, hoping she would send me winks, kisses, and generally flirt again. NOTHING.
Fast forward to this year (the second year of our course) I was gutted and my heart sunk when I found out she volunteered to move class (people had to go) she is one of the main reasons I turned up, now its rare I see her but I think it will become more common as the year progresses, ive seen her on 3 occasions in 1 week when in a group, and this past week we was on a school trip together and joked together in a group. We clashed eyes on occasion which I hoped was a sign, but its more likely just by chance. As we all left to go home from the trip, I asked if she was coming with me and a couple of my friends (one of which she does not like) she said "no, ill see you monday".
Nowdays, I rarely directly speak to her and we both sense this underlying awkwardness when we speak or are in company, im unsure if she associates it with our early friendship (if she even remembers it like I do) when I think back, im SO sure she liked me back then, I was so ****ing blind and it kills me. My only hope, is the fact she is REALLY good friends with a girl-friend of mine in my class and they stay over houses etc im hoping to somehow bring up the fact I like/liked her and im sure she liked me EARLY on to her friend who is also mine, im not afraid to risk saying that. People used to joke around saying I liked her anyway, so admitting that wont be too difficult either. I may be clutching at straws but hope is what keeps us going in life. I hope it is not over, otherwise it was a harsh lesson learned.
I have less than one year to do something! im not confident in how she feels about me, im usually good at reading people and how they percieve me, and at the peak of our relation I think I was seen as the mysterious and quiet guy who she had a slight crush on, presently I THINK im the comic who its hard for her to speak to because its quite awkward, and I hang around with a couple guys she dislikes, so im far from dating material anymore. I could do with some help/advice, I truely have feelings for this girl and they are not going anywhere. I should also mention she started seeing a guy in college underwraps, that was pre-summer, I dont think its ongoing now.
Put the internet to work for you.
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