I never thought I'd be here....but here I am, 45 years old, been married 26 years, 2 great kids, the world thinks my wife and I are a fairy tale....blah blah blah. But trust me, no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
My wife and I were high school sweethearts, I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend. I mean first in all aspects, first kiss, first hug, first everything first and only. We never dated anyone else. We married at 18, first child at 22. Second child 5 years later.
Heres the problem, I am a very touchy feely person and she is not. I love physical contact of any kind, not just sex. I love the sofa cuddling, the passing touches in the hallway...all of it. But sadly my wife does not share my need of physical touch. This along with sex only once a month have taken its toll on my self esteem over the course of 20+ years. I have tried for years to tell her my needs but she just don't seem to care. On the sex subject, I have watched her countless times figure out ways for us NOT to be alone. I'm not stupid, I can pick up on these things. I have begged her to go to counseling with me, she refuses. I've asked her to talk to our pastor, she refuses. She dont' want anyone to know this is just a façade that we have created for our friends and family. Even though I get completely ignored, I still try to love on her daily, she just don't have any desire to reciprocate with her affection.
She has told me that she has no desire to be with me physically due to her lack of desire, she even has to take a shot from her OBGYN for the once a month encounters that we do have. These encounters are so clinical, so cold. She won't let me kiss her, I'm not allowed to kiss her in certain places, I can't softly touch her. She has told me before that my touch makes her skin crawl.
I am really emotionally crushed and damaged. I do everything around the house for her continuing to try to win her affections. Due to my schedule, I am off a lot during the month, so I do 80% of the housework and cooking for her and all I ask in return is some attention.
This isn't the only issues, she is a control freak as well. She has to have complete control over every aspect of our lives. She continuously checks our phones to see who me and the kids are texting and talking too, she stalks our facebooks and we get questioned for who comments on what posts. She has total control over the banking, she is constantly drilling me and the kids on where we've been, who we've been talking too...its really exhausting.
Fast forward to 2013, I know this is no excuse for my recent behavior, but I have met someone that fills that void in my life. We have not been together sexually but she and I do spend a lot of time talking and just goofing off texting. She is everything that I have ever wanted, shes athletic, beautiful, adventurous, fun, care free and she is unhappily married as well. She is not pressuring me into anything, We have talked about the possibility of a future with us but we're just taking it a day at a time.
My question is this, Am I the only person that has ever went thru this? I know I can't be, but I feel like I am all alone. I don't want to hurt my wife, I don't want to cause her heartache and strife but I'm just not happy anymore. And at this point in my life with one child married and one in college that its time for me to enjoy a relationship....and she is not wanting to get on board and be a part of that. I'm just really confused....someone please give me some guidance and advice.
My wife and I were high school sweethearts, I was her first boyfriend and she was my first girlfriend. I mean first in all aspects, first kiss, first hug, first everything first and only. We never dated anyone else. We married at 18, first child at 22. Second child 5 years later.
Heres the problem, I am a very touchy feely person and she is not. I love physical contact of any kind, not just sex. I love the sofa cuddling, the passing touches in the hallway...all of it. But sadly my wife does not share my need of physical touch. This along with sex only once a month have taken its toll on my self esteem over the course of 20+ years. I have tried for years to tell her my needs but she just don't seem to care. On the sex subject, I have watched her countless times figure out ways for us NOT to be alone. I'm not stupid, I can pick up on these things. I have begged her to go to counseling with me, she refuses. I've asked her to talk to our pastor, she refuses. She dont' want anyone to know this is just a façade that we have created for our friends and family. Even though I get completely ignored, I still try to love on her daily, she just don't have any desire to reciprocate with her affection.
She has told me that she has no desire to be with me physically due to her lack of desire, she even has to take a shot from her OBGYN for the once a month encounters that we do have. These encounters are so clinical, so cold. She won't let me kiss her, I'm not allowed to kiss her in certain places, I can't softly touch her. She has told me before that my touch makes her skin crawl.
I am really emotionally crushed and damaged. I do everything around the house for her continuing to try to win her affections. Due to my schedule, I am off a lot during the month, so I do 80% of the housework and cooking for her and all I ask in return is some attention.
This isn't the only issues, she is a control freak as well. She has to have complete control over every aspect of our lives. She continuously checks our phones to see who me and the kids are texting and talking too, she stalks our facebooks and we get questioned for who comments on what posts. She has total control over the banking, she is constantly drilling me and the kids on where we've been, who we've been talking too...its really exhausting.
Fast forward to 2013, I know this is no excuse for my recent behavior, but I have met someone that fills that void in my life. We have not been together sexually but she and I do spend a lot of time talking and just goofing off texting. She is everything that I have ever wanted, shes athletic, beautiful, adventurous, fun, care free and she is unhappily married as well. She is not pressuring me into anything, We have talked about the possibility of a future with us but we're just taking it a day at a time.
My question is this, Am I the only person that has ever went thru this? I know I can't be, but I feel like I am all alone. I don't want to hurt my wife, I don't want to cause her heartache and strife but I'm just not happy anymore. And at this point in my life with one child married and one in college that its time for me to enjoy a relationship....and she is not wanting to get on board and be a part of that. I'm just really confused....someone please give me some guidance and advice.
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