My husband and I have been married for 4 years, together for 8 total years. Because of some things that happened a few years back, I became somewhat of the occasional snooper. Well fast forward to 6 months ago. I came across a facebook conversation between he and a woman he had deep feelings for during his college years (they never dated). In the message he was basically pouring his heart out to her asking why she never game him a chance. He also said (can't remember the exact words) that if she would've given him a chance before he got married, he would've basically moved on with her. And lastly, he said something along the lines of his heart is with her. She replied back, but moreso in being flattered but clearly not interested.
Now, a week ago, I was checking out his phone and discovered a "private" photo app. It was of course password-protected. I ended up figuring out the code and came across 3-4 albums. Most of the albums were random girls/scantily-clad models. But then one album REALLY caught my eye. It was simply titled: "Her". In the album were like 20 pictures of this same woman from his past.
When the facebook incident happened, I was so devastated. I confronted him and asked him what his problem is. He said that he didn't mean any of that; he said that he said those things to that level just to try to get a reaction out of here. What?
I felt so shattered that he felt that way. He explained it as someone from his past that he had feelings for, but she never returned them, and so he was bored one day and sent that message to see if he could a reaction. I was numb for about a week, then I told him that we can move on and I forgive it. But after the whole private album full of her pictures, I just don't know if I can accept that. I don't know if I want to be with a man who doesn't really love me as much as some other woman, and who pretty much said to her that, before marriage, he would've left me to be with her.
Last bit of detail: she lives on the West coast, we live on the East.
He hasn't done anything....no physical affair, but obviously he wishes he were with her, and carries this burning torch for her. Has anyone experienced this? Did you stick around? Is this big enough for me to be justified in ending the marriage? Or is it a harmless infatuation that means nothing, and that I shouldn't have been privy to had I minded my own business (not snooped)?
Now, a week ago, I was checking out his phone and discovered a "private" photo app. It was of course password-protected. I ended up figuring out the code and came across 3-4 albums. Most of the albums were random girls/scantily-clad models. But then one album REALLY caught my eye. It was simply titled: "Her". In the album were like 20 pictures of this same woman from his past.
When the facebook incident happened, I was so devastated. I confronted him and asked him what his problem is. He said that he didn't mean any of that; he said that he said those things to that level just to try to get a reaction out of here. What?
I felt so shattered that he felt that way. He explained it as someone from his past that he had feelings for, but she never returned them, and so he was bored one day and sent that message to see if he could a reaction. I was numb for about a week, then I told him that we can move on and I forgive it. But after the whole private album full of her pictures, I just don't know if I can accept that. I don't know if I want to be with a man who doesn't really love me as much as some other woman, and who pretty much said to her that, before marriage, he would've left me to be with her.
Last bit of detail: she lives on the West coast, we live on the East.
He hasn't done anything....no physical affair, but obviously he wishes he were with her, and carries this burning torch for her. Has anyone experienced this? Did you stick around? Is this big enough for me to be justified in ending the marriage? Or is it a harmless infatuation that means nothing, and that I shouldn't have been privy to had I minded my own business (not snooped)?
Put the internet to work for you.
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