Anyone find out fetishes after they were married? What did you do? Anyone in a sexless marriage?
Me I am 43 year old women, My hubby and I were both virgins when we met. We got married. And we have been married for 15.5 years.
Before we got married, sex wasn't great. Hubby had a hard time maintaining erection once he wanted to come. So it lasted like 2-3 minutes. I give him BJs, and he would finger me; never give me oral sex.
I figured over time we would work through the issues.
Right before we got married he stopped any type of intercourse with me. He still fingered me. But fingering stopped about 9 years ago. He also stopped letting me give him BJs.
So basically no intercourse for 15 years. No masturbation for 9 years for me. And no masturbation for him for 15 years, not that I didn't try.
Then about 11 years ago I found out he was using a cathered up his pee hole to get off. I discovered this through a credit card charge that i looked up on the web. I do the finances.
I didn't say anything I let him be. Hoping once I discovered it he would stop.
2 years ago he started sleeping in the other bedroom. And has stayed there. He claimed it was because I wake him up when coming to bed. But then I think I discovered overall what the real truth was.
About 4-6 months ago. I discovered he wears diapers (as far as I know to bed). He accidently left his diaper on the counter. When I asked him if he was incontinent he said no. just like the feel of them.
A month goes by I then ask him some questions. I ask him if he goes in his diapers. He said yes but only #1. He said since he was a child he always like to wet his bed with something and sit in it.
I asked how long. he said he started wearing diapers right after we got married.
So I let it go.
But all the while I am horny over all these years, no sexual contact except with a vibrator.
Recently, I discovered as well he is still jacking off to the plastic tubing. So it is not like he is not horny or not wanting sexual pleasure.
He has other issues as well, like he talks baby talk alot, I have all the responsibility in the relationship. I do the cooking, cleaning, the grocery shopping, the paying of bills, finding/arranging/hiring/managing contractors for work on the house, taking care of our dogs, planning our retirement, doing the taxes, getting cash out, depositing the checks, buying his clothes (he is a bad dresser), buying his shoes (cause he doesn't want to), I took care of his grandmothers household when she was alive. I had to put down our dog alone cause he couldn't handle it. I mean the list goes on.
He wants everything his way. We have to go where he wants to vacation, the movies he is interested in, the music shows he wants to see. The restaraunts he likes.
You know I realize marriage is a give and take. But it feels like I am doing all the giving.
Don't get me wrong, there is stuff he puts up with me. I gained alot of weight due to metabolic issues and I just recently lost over 100 pounds.
And I thought for sure the sex would come back I am about 17 pounds from my wedding weight.
But he doesn't care. I got all dolled up to goto a concert, came home rubbed him, kissed him, told him I was horny. That I wanted him.
Nothing, not a single rise in his pecker.
Said he was tired. I said I don't do it for you anymore do I? he said I love you. I said that isn't what I asked. And he made a sad sound.
So he didn't deny that he was no longer physically attracted to me.
Yet he expects me to remain sexless.
For me there is dealing with personal differences or issues coming up together and making sure each other is happy. And being selfish and self centered all the time.
I feel he is being extremely selfish. Am I wrong?
We been to therapist about the other stuff (not sex cause I didn't know at the time). And the last time I mentioned a therapist he said he wasn't going to go to one anymore.
Snoping I discovered he has fetish for watching adults/children go under anesthetic. Hundreds of videos he watch on Youtube.
I also discovered he has been hiding alcohol in the basement (his man cave). And no I am not anti alcohol never been. But why the heck is he hiding it?
You know when I tried to kink it up as in wear sexy lingerie he said it felt dirty and didn't like it. When I talked about tying him up he was like no way. When I said you want to watch porn? he said no doesn't like it.
Honestly, I can't get into the diaper fetish because I don't want to be his mom. Nor do I want to feel like I am molesting a child.
And all this I still love and care for him. and I know he loves and cares for me to a degree.
But, I know this sounds weird and it is not a competition, I just don't think he loves me as much as I love him.
And I don't know if I can keep sacrificing for him.
I am at a cross roads...wondering peoples thoughts and experiences?
Me I am 43 year old women, My hubby and I were both virgins when we met. We got married. And we have been married for 15.5 years.
Before we got married, sex wasn't great. Hubby had a hard time maintaining erection once he wanted to come. So it lasted like 2-3 minutes. I give him BJs, and he would finger me; never give me oral sex.
I figured over time we would work through the issues.
Right before we got married he stopped any type of intercourse with me. He still fingered me. But fingering stopped about 9 years ago. He also stopped letting me give him BJs.
So basically no intercourse for 15 years. No masturbation for 9 years for me. And no masturbation for him for 15 years, not that I didn't try.
Then about 11 years ago I found out he was using a cathered up his pee hole to get off. I discovered this through a credit card charge that i looked up on the web. I do the finances.
I didn't say anything I let him be. Hoping once I discovered it he would stop.
2 years ago he started sleeping in the other bedroom. And has stayed there. He claimed it was because I wake him up when coming to bed. But then I think I discovered overall what the real truth was.
About 4-6 months ago. I discovered he wears diapers (as far as I know to bed). He accidently left his diaper on the counter. When I asked him if he was incontinent he said no. just like the feel of them.
A month goes by I then ask him some questions. I ask him if he goes in his diapers. He said yes but only #1. He said since he was a child he always like to wet his bed with something and sit in it.
I asked how long. he said he started wearing diapers right after we got married.
So I let it go.
But all the while I am horny over all these years, no sexual contact except with a vibrator.
Recently, I discovered as well he is still jacking off to the plastic tubing. So it is not like he is not horny or not wanting sexual pleasure.
He has other issues as well, like he talks baby talk alot, I have all the responsibility in the relationship. I do the cooking, cleaning, the grocery shopping, the paying of bills, finding/arranging/hiring/managing contractors for work on the house, taking care of our dogs, planning our retirement, doing the taxes, getting cash out, depositing the checks, buying his clothes (he is a bad dresser), buying his shoes (cause he doesn't want to), I took care of his grandmothers household when she was alive. I had to put down our dog alone cause he couldn't handle it. I mean the list goes on.
He wants everything his way. We have to go where he wants to vacation, the movies he is interested in, the music shows he wants to see. The restaraunts he likes.
You know I realize marriage is a give and take. But it feels like I am doing all the giving.
Don't get me wrong, there is stuff he puts up with me. I gained alot of weight due to metabolic issues and I just recently lost over 100 pounds.
And I thought for sure the sex would come back I am about 17 pounds from my wedding weight.
But he doesn't care. I got all dolled up to goto a concert, came home rubbed him, kissed him, told him I was horny. That I wanted him.
Nothing, not a single rise in his pecker.
Said he was tired. I said I don't do it for you anymore do I? he said I love you. I said that isn't what I asked. And he made a sad sound.
So he didn't deny that he was no longer physically attracted to me.
Yet he expects me to remain sexless.
For me there is dealing with personal differences or issues coming up together and making sure each other is happy. And being selfish and self centered all the time.
I feel he is being extremely selfish. Am I wrong?
We been to therapist about the other stuff (not sex cause I didn't know at the time). And the last time I mentioned a therapist he said he wasn't going to go to one anymore.
Snoping I discovered he has fetish for watching adults/children go under anesthetic. Hundreds of videos he watch on Youtube.
I also discovered he has been hiding alcohol in the basement (his man cave). And no I am not anti alcohol never been. But why the heck is he hiding it?
You know when I tried to kink it up as in wear sexy lingerie he said it felt dirty and didn't like it. When I talked about tying him up he was like no way. When I said you want to watch porn? he said no doesn't like it.
Honestly, I can't get into the diaper fetish because I don't want to be his mom. Nor do I want to feel like I am molesting a child.
And all this I still love and care for him. and I know he loves and cares for me to a degree.
But, I know this sounds weird and it is not a competition, I just don't think he loves me as much as I love him.
And I don't know if I can keep sacrificing for him.
I am at a cross roads...wondering peoples thoughts and experiences?
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