I have faced two deaths in the past two years. My brother was killed suddenly, murdered actually, in a triple homicide in 2011. That hit me hard and it was a year before I felt normal again. Then, my mother passed this April. She had Alzheimer's and she slowly declined over the past decade.
I don't know if I'm depressed or just facing reality. I tried antidepressants and had severe side effects (rages that I could not control), so I stopped taking the meds.
Day to day, I just don't feel like making an effort. I guess that is depression. I'm about to get a divorce as well, but I just don't have the initiative to do that, either. I find myself just stuck and empty on the inside.
I do think that facing the death of both my brother, who was so full of life and lost it so suddenly, and my mother's slow demise (she was also full of life and a very positive person) has changed me. I also turned 40 this year. It's as if I see the end already. It's as if there's no reason to put up the good fight, know what I mean? The fire in my belly that was there for so long has gone out.
I don't know if I'm depressed or just facing reality. I tried antidepressants and had severe side effects (rages that I could not control), so I stopped taking the meds.
Day to day, I just don't feel like making an effort. I guess that is depression. I'm about to get a divorce as well, but I just don't have the initiative to do that, either. I find myself just stuck and empty on the inside.
I do think that facing the death of both my brother, who was so full of life and lost it so suddenly, and my mother's slow demise (she was also full of life and a very positive person) has changed me. I also turned 40 this year. It's as if I see the end already. It's as if there's no reason to put up the good fight, know what I mean? The fire in my belly that was there for so long has gone out.
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