The situation isnt simple but ill try to make it short.We were **** buddies in the beginning then had an abrupt falling out where i was left feeling torn because at this point i had a lot of feelings for him.During the fall out i had sex with one of his friends.Needless to say huge mistake.Then i somewhat build an emotional bond with another of his friends but we never had sex.i know im a mess.We see each other months later and its obvious we still have feelings for each other.He asks me if its true about what happened with his friend i dont deny it.We procceed to have an intimate relationship after this nothing too serious at first but then feelings grew stronger.One day he ask about other said friend.We will call him Mark for the sake of helping you keep up.He asks if Mark and I had sex I say no, which is the truth.But never confess about the kissing, and touching and said friendship.Now months pass by we are officially together.Now its a year since sai d thing happened with Mark.Boyfriend is still unclear about the truth because Mark's friend, Andy says to my boyfriend that we had said.That Mark told him.Now he ask Mark and Mark says yes we did.Which is ****ing bull****.It has been months, almost a year.Why now mark? why ? I know im a horrible person for lying when boyfriend ask cause i deny the whole physical thing.After 10 secs I cave and tell the truth.all of it.the horrible truth.Theres a lot of crying and anger involved after this from both of us.Mainly me apologizing and saying he never mattered and realizing how much of a pieace of **** I was for lying when first asked a year ago.But technically we never had sex.Still Im wrong.Now he says in order him to get over this he needs me to feel how he feels.Because he is still friends with the friend i actually had sex with and has to see his face and images and feels like crap about it.And now on top of it all he doesnt really know what happened between Mark and I because the stories are different.My thing is i feel like this is revenge and i cant handle him having sex with my cousin.He wanted to have sex with her before we were together.Weve had a lot of issues because of him talking to her while still being a **** buddy to me.He did tell me he couldnt continue our "relationship" because he was pursuing someone.Days later told me it was her.Not sure if she has ever really been interested because shes not very trust worthy when it comes to men and sex and her word.He says he wants me to feel the same pain he does.He says he loves me and only way he will know I do is if i endure then pain of knowing.Should I even ask her ? Its killing me to even think of them together.Im hating myself for what I did.Im afraid this will ruin our relationship and I love him so much.Hes a good men but can be very childish at times.Im afraid I could lose him to her but he reassures me that he wants to be with me still and will after.Please I need advice I know this isnt a marriage but this matters to me.I need to know if I should even consider this or just call it quits.Help
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