Hello everyone. Here is my story.
Things have been rough in my marriage since the beginning of this year. We have a large family and have been a solid family since we got married almost 17 years ago. We always shared the same goals and dreams, and our mantra was that we could face anything together. We suffered the downfall of Enron (nearly killed me and financially destroyed us), layoffs, the .com bust, etc. But we had clawed our way back into the black over the years and I have done very well for myself. I am a published author and an authority in my field. Things were going great, and then my wife got a Mirena IUD in late January, and everything went to hell.
For years it was not uncommon for us to have sex 20+ times a month. The only time we were off limits to each other was during her period. But the IUD and the hormones caused a month-long period in February, and she was still spotting throughout March. By the time April rolled around, things were tense with both of us. I didn't understand why we had almost completely stopped having sex after she stopped spotting, and she was agitated and angry all the time. Google "Mirena IUD divorce" for a long list of women talking about what these things did to them.
Our relationship continued to get more and more stressed. In May I spoke at a conference in Las Vegas, and I took her with me as a mini vacation. It was a great time and it seemed like we got back to a good place. Things seemed to be getting better for us. Then in June I spoke at another convention in Austin, TX. As a speaker I got a guest pass, which I shared with my good friend who was in a similar field and could use the training. My wife also wanted to go, and as I had taken her with me in the past so I thought nothing of it. The entire 3 days we were at the conference, my wife was like a madwoman. Yelling at me, short tempered, agitated, and cranky. I had never known her to be as demeaning as she was during those three days. It got so bad that at one point I excused myself from an event and went outside because I couldn't take it anymore. My friend came out and asked me what was wrong, and through tears I started pouring my guts out: I was losing my wife, and I didn't know why. She was increasingly short tempered and angry with me, and I couldn't understand why. I wasn't treating her that way. He listened and told me that if I found out what was going on he'd be "willing to help me hide the bodies." I thanked him for the pep talk and we went back.
And suddenly on the last day of the conference, after my friend left with his girlfriend for another conference in San Antonio, my wife acted like a completely different person. She was the woman I had always known and loved again: sweet, kind, supportive, etc. I mentioned it to her, and she said I was nuts, but it was clear she was acting completely different now that my friend was gone. This did not escape notice, but it didn't set off any alarms.
The following weeks, my friend stopped talking to me almost completely. I thought it was odd, but he also works a lot and we still saw each other at Boy Scouts and we still seemed cool. But by mid-July I was convinced my wife was having an affair, and I strongly suspected it was with him. She was on her mobile phone all the time, and had gotten very secretive with it. She would get angry any time someone would come near her enough to see the screen. She stopped doing anything around the house and just say on the couch on the phone or her tablet. She claimed it was emails and other stuff, but that was a lie. We couldn't go anywhere without her pulling out her phone and texting like a teenager.
On 7/23, I got a hold of my wife's phone and found text messages between them that made my head spin. Talking about sex acts they had done already or were planning, how she was lying to me so they could see each other that very night(!) and other things including her badmouthing me to my friend. She was basically telling him that I was emotionally and verbally abusing her (couldn't be farther from the truth!), and he was eating the stuff up, calling me all sorts of horrible names and threatening to hurt me. When she came back into our bedroom, I told her to sit down and we needed to have a serious talk. I told her I knew she was having an affair with my friend, and had just confirmed it via her phone. She just smiled and fidgeted. I told her that it must stop, and she said she refused to stop seeing him and that there was nothing I could do to stop her. While legally correct, my biggest mistake at this point was not throwing everything she owned out on the street and s etting it on fire, and then kicking her butt out of the house! I would do this differently in hindsight. Anyway, they had been seeing each other since mid-February, and as their relationship got more serious ("I'm in love with him"), our relationship deteriorated. Remember the Austin conference they both were at? While I was presenting, they were having sex in the room I paid for! The talk outside? I found out that in the days afterward he started making a serious push for a more serious relationship with my wife. I guess I never realized my best friend was also an opportunistic, mate stealing prick!
We did couples counseling, and again she refused to stop seeing him, at which point the therapist said flatly that there was no point in trying to save the marriage. Unfortunately my head knew this, but my stupid heart didn't. I thought I needed to win back the heart of my wife. What I didn't realize is that it was already gone, and gone for good.
Our 18th anniversary of our first date was on 9/1, and the next day she told me our marriage was over, and she had known already for a while. Then she told me she wanted to stay together and co-parent the kids while I supported her or gave her 60% of my paycheck, but she wanted to keep her lover. Then it was over again. Then she didn't know what she wanted to do, but she was definitely keeping her lover. Finally I realized my wife is crazy and the insanity was hurting our family and the kids. It was no longer about the woman I loved; it was about keeping an insane woman from hurting our family any farther than she already had. So I filed for divorce this past week, and even though I know it was the right thing to do, it was the hardest decision I have ever made. My mother-in-law paid the retainer, and has offered to testify against my wife.
My oldest daughter has been dating the ex-best friend/lover's son for 16 months now, and this summer he noticed his dad going out late at night when his live-in girlfriend went to sleep, and my daughter noticed my wife was going out on the same nights. It didn't take her long to put 2 and 2 together and realize what was going on. The son/boyfriend thinks his dad is cheating, but he hasn't figured out it is with his girlfriend's mom yet. Poor kid. I told my wife I wouldn't lie to our daughter if she asked, so when she figured it out and asked I told her the truth and was sorry that her mother was such an idiot.
Things have been rough in my marriage since the beginning of this year. We have a large family and have been a solid family since we got married almost 17 years ago. We always shared the same goals and dreams, and our mantra was that we could face anything together. We suffered the downfall of Enron (nearly killed me and financially destroyed us), layoffs, the .com bust, etc. But we had clawed our way back into the black over the years and I have done very well for myself. I am a published author and an authority in my field. Things were going great, and then my wife got a Mirena IUD in late January, and everything went to hell.
For years it was not uncommon for us to have sex 20+ times a month. The only time we were off limits to each other was during her period. But the IUD and the hormones caused a month-long period in February, and she was still spotting throughout March. By the time April rolled around, things were tense with both of us. I didn't understand why we had almost completely stopped having sex after she stopped spotting, and she was agitated and angry all the time. Google "Mirena IUD divorce" for a long list of women talking about what these things did to them.
Our relationship continued to get more and more stressed. In May I spoke at a conference in Las Vegas, and I took her with me as a mini vacation. It was a great time and it seemed like we got back to a good place. Things seemed to be getting better for us. Then in June I spoke at another convention in Austin, TX. As a speaker I got a guest pass, which I shared with my good friend who was in a similar field and could use the training. My wife also wanted to go, and as I had taken her with me in the past so I thought nothing of it. The entire 3 days we were at the conference, my wife was like a madwoman. Yelling at me, short tempered, agitated, and cranky. I had never known her to be as demeaning as she was during those three days. It got so bad that at one point I excused myself from an event and went outside because I couldn't take it anymore. My friend came out and asked me what was wrong, and through tears I started pouring my guts out: I was losing my wife, and I didn't know why. She was increasingly short tempered and angry with me, and I couldn't understand why. I wasn't treating her that way. He listened and told me that if I found out what was going on he'd be "willing to help me hide the bodies." I thanked him for the pep talk and we went back.
And suddenly on the last day of the conference, after my friend left with his girlfriend for another conference in San Antonio, my wife acted like a completely different person. She was the woman I had always known and loved again: sweet, kind, supportive, etc. I mentioned it to her, and she said I was nuts, but it was clear she was acting completely different now that my friend was gone. This did not escape notice, but it didn't set off any alarms.
The following weeks, my friend stopped talking to me almost completely. I thought it was odd, but he also works a lot and we still saw each other at Boy Scouts and we still seemed cool. But by mid-July I was convinced my wife was having an affair, and I strongly suspected it was with him. She was on her mobile phone all the time, and had gotten very secretive with it. She would get angry any time someone would come near her enough to see the screen. She stopped doing anything around the house and just say on the couch on the phone or her tablet. She claimed it was emails and other stuff, but that was a lie. We couldn't go anywhere without her pulling out her phone and texting like a teenager.
On 7/23, I got a hold of my wife's phone and found text messages between them that made my head spin. Talking about sex acts they had done already or were planning, how she was lying to me so they could see each other that very night(!) and other things including her badmouthing me to my friend. She was basically telling him that I was emotionally and verbally abusing her (couldn't be farther from the truth!), and he was eating the stuff up, calling me all sorts of horrible names and threatening to hurt me. When she came back into our bedroom, I told her to sit down and we needed to have a serious talk. I told her I knew she was having an affair with my friend, and had just confirmed it via her phone. She just smiled and fidgeted. I told her that it must stop, and she said she refused to stop seeing him and that there was nothing I could do to stop her. While legally correct, my biggest mistake at this point was not throwing everything she owned out on the street and s etting it on fire, and then kicking her butt out of the house! I would do this differently in hindsight. Anyway, they had been seeing each other since mid-February, and as their relationship got more serious ("I'm in love with him"), our relationship deteriorated. Remember the Austin conference they both were at? While I was presenting, they were having sex in the room I paid for! The talk outside? I found out that in the days afterward he started making a serious push for a more serious relationship with my wife. I guess I never realized my best friend was also an opportunistic, mate stealing prick!
We did couples counseling, and again she refused to stop seeing him, at which point the therapist said flatly that there was no point in trying to save the marriage. Unfortunately my head knew this, but my stupid heart didn't. I thought I needed to win back the heart of my wife. What I didn't realize is that it was already gone, and gone for good.
Our 18th anniversary of our first date was on 9/1, and the next day she told me our marriage was over, and she had known already for a while. Then she told me she wanted to stay together and co-parent the kids while I supported her or gave her 60% of my paycheck, but she wanted to keep her lover. Then it was over again. Then she didn't know what she wanted to do, but she was definitely keeping her lover. Finally I realized my wife is crazy and the insanity was hurting our family and the kids. It was no longer about the woman I loved; it was about keeping an insane woman from hurting our family any farther than she already had. So I filed for divorce this past week, and even though I know it was the right thing to do, it was the hardest decision I have ever made. My mother-in-law paid the retainer, and has offered to testify against my wife.
My oldest daughter has been dating the ex-best friend/lover's son for 16 months now, and this summer he noticed his dad going out late at night when his live-in girlfriend went to sleep, and my daughter noticed my wife was going out on the same nights. It didn't take her long to put 2 and 2 together and realize what was going on. The son/boyfriend thinks his dad is cheating, but he hasn't figured out it is with his girlfriend's mom yet. Poor kid. I told my wife I wouldn't lie to our daughter if she asked, so when she figured it out and asked I told her the truth and was sorry that her mother was such an idiot.
Put the internet to work for you.
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