Hi everyone. Badly in need of advice. The long story:
Two years ago I caught my wife cheating with a guy half her age. (She's 44, he's 22.) She blamed me, saying I had been neglectful of her for years. And truthfully, I have not been as attentive as I should have been. I've never cheated; I'm just not very affectionate. But I told her that would be justification for leaving me, not for doing what she did. We pseudo-separated for a while, and then she told me she still loved me and we were back together. She swore the affair was over.
Caught her cheating with the same guy a year later. This time she was totally remorseful and swore she'd end it. I caved. We stayed together.
A year later, just a few weeks ago, the guy shows up at the door. Clearly still not over. I confront her again. She says she wants the marriage to be over, she's giving up. But she wants us to stay in the same house as co-parents for our kids. I told her I couldn't deal with that situation. Far too painful for me.
What am I supposed to do, both to look out for myself and to be fair to her? If I make her leave, she has no means to support herself. She doesn't have a job, and would have trouble finding one. The half of the time she'd have the kids, they'd have to stay with her in some tiny apartment somewhere. If we sell the house, it completely disrupts the kids and I'm not financially stable enough to be able to buy a new house right now anyway. I can't stay here with her--last night she stayed out all night (supposedly at a female friend's house, but I don't believe that for a second) and I didn't sleep a wink. I can't stay in a situation where she's going to behave like that. In spite of everything, I'm still in love with her and it's killing me bit by bit watching her.
What's the thing to do that's fairest to me without destroying her or the kids?
Two years ago I caught my wife cheating with a guy half her age. (She's 44, he's 22.) She blamed me, saying I had been neglectful of her for years. And truthfully, I have not been as attentive as I should have been. I've never cheated; I'm just not very affectionate. But I told her that would be justification for leaving me, not for doing what she did. We pseudo-separated for a while, and then she told me she still loved me and we were back together. She swore the affair was over.
Caught her cheating with the same guy a year later. This time she was totally remorseful and swore she'd end it. I caved. We stayed together.
A year later, just a few weeks ago, the guy shows up at the door. Clearly still not over. I confront her again. She says she wants the marriage to be over, she's giving up. But she wants us to stay in the same house as co-parents for our kids. I told her I couldn't deal with that situation. Far too painful for me.
What am I supposed to do, both to look out for myself and to be fair to her? If I make her leave, she has no means to support herself. She doesn't have a job, and would have trouble finding one. The half of the time she'd have the kids, they'd have to stay with her in some tiny apartment somewhere. If we sell the house, it completely disrupts the kids and I'm not financially stable enough to be able to buy a new house right now anyway. I can't stay here with her--last night she stayed out all night (supposedly at a female friend's house, but I don't believe that for a second) and I didn't sleep a wink. I can't stay in a situation where she's going to behave like that. In spite of everything, I'm still in love with her and it's killing me bit by bit watching her.
What's the thing to do that's fairest to me without destroying her or the kids?
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