I am always in a state of mental agony. My mind never ceases it's constant thundering of thoughts that only lead me further down a rabbit hole of pain - and I'm beginning to feel like there is no way to pull myself out of it. I can be sitting anywhere and suddenly begin to feel restless and anxious. My sessions with my psychologist ended due to only being able to have a limited number through the NHS. Now I'm alone.
I have no friends and my family always stare at me with looks of disdain. They know there is something not quite right with me. They don't know I'm no longer a muslim. However my girlfriend of two years does. I told her a few days ago. She began to cry on the phone until I began telling her that maybe I was just confused and I still am a muslim. She didn't buy it. Yet I didn't expect her to really. She told me we could no longer be together.
I have put my heart and soul into this relationship over the past two years. I stare fondly at our photos whenever I look through them on my phone and they never cease to reward me with warm memories. Now however they torment me.
They scream to me that nothing in your life was perfect before when you were a confused little boy and now as a 21 year old it will get even worse.
She tells me we can't be together because we wouldn't be happy in the future. Also religion prevents her from being with me. I feel sick inside. It's not her fault at all. But this is too devastating for me to go through.
Somehow I know she was the one.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment