I've been reading a lot of posts on here and I felt compelled to post my situation. It seems like a pretty common issue. My Wife and I have been married less than a year, I'm 27 she's 28. We were together for 3 years before that and lived together for 2 years prior to marriage. We both have well paying jobs (she makes a little more than I do, which I'm fine with).
Without giving our whole lifetime story, we've basically been living separate lives for the past month or two. We were in the talks of starting to 'try' for a child when we got married, and started trying. About two weeks ago, she told me she wanted to get back on the pill and changed her mind about having a child. This was confusing, but I wasn't going to pressure her into having a child. If she wasn't ready, I wasn't ready.
I sensed something was wrong, but never brought it up (bad communication from both of us, since I'm not a mind reader, and I didn't ask her about it). She started to get more distant, and we talked less. I then brought something up last week, and then we had the talk. Things were not good in her eyes. We were 'Best Friends living together' and not Husband and Wife. We were going in separate directions.
A few things she said that stuck out in my head, were that when she wanted to do something, she didn't care that I wasn't there with her or if she went out with friends, it didn't matter one way or the other that I was there. I felt the same thing when I went out with my friends, she didn't want to come along (mostly sports related once a week).
I was a bad communicator (I do not like talking on the phone, but she does). When I traveled for work, once or twice a month, I wouldn't call my wife, but I would text her. This was definitely an error on my part, and I've accepted that, and added that to the list of things I need to work on. I love her to death and I want to make this work, I just don't know if it's the same way on the other side.
I asked if we could seek out a counselor, and she said she didn't even know if she wanted to at this point (meaning she didn't want to put forth the effort to save something that wasn't there).
I asked her if she had feelings for someone else, she came back with simply "No", however that is still in the back of my mind after reading a lot of posts on here.
We're living separately right now, I'm on my friends couch. She said she wanted space, so I'm respecting that (it's very, very hard to do). We do text every once in a while to check on each other, make sure we're both doing all right.
I want to say so much to her, but also respect her requested space at the same time. There was no definitive time frame she said she needed. Deep down I feel like if I stay away and not talk to her, she's just going to want to get a divorce and stay away. I want to show her how much I love her, since I did a terrible job of that the last few months.
As of now, the time being apart from my Wife, I've written down a list of things I either want to say, or work on. It's the little things I miss from seeing her every day. The trial separation at this point has definitely opened my eyes and I don't necessarily want or need more space. It's very sad on both of our parts that it had to come to this prior to us trying to correct it in the first place.
Since I wasn't told a definitive timeframe, how long should I wait before I try and initiate either on the phone or face to face interaction? Should the first time we talk on the phone or in person be about just normal conversation, or should we talk about what's going on in our relationship?
I appreciate any help you all can provide from your experiences or opinions.
Without giving our whole lifetime story, we've basically been living separate lives for the past month or two. We were in the talks of starting to 'try' for a child when we got married, and started trying. About two weeks ago, she told me she wanted to get back on the pill and changed her mind about having a child. This was confusing, but I wasn't going to pressure her into having a child. If she wasn't ready, I wasn't ready.
I sensed something was wrong, but never brought it up (bad communication from both of us, since I'm not a mind reader, and I didn't ask her about it). She started to get more distant, and we talked less. I then brought something up last week, and then we had the talk. Things were not good in her eyes. We were 'Best Friends living together' and not Husband and Wife. We were going in separate directions.
A few things she said that stuck out in my head, were that when she wanted to do something, she didn't care that I wasn't there with her or if she went out with friends, it didn't matter one way or the other that I was there. I felt the same thing when I went out with my friends, she didn't want to come along (mostly sports related once a week).
I was a bad communicator (I do not like talking on the phone, but she does). When I traveled for work, once or twice a month, I wouldn't call my wife, but I would text her. This was definitely an error on my part, and I've accepted that, and added that to the list of things I need to work on. I love her to death and I want to make this work, I just don't know if it's the same way on the other side.
I asked if we could seek out a counselor, and she said she didn't even know if she wanted to at this point (meaning she didn't want to put forth the effort to save something that wasn't there).
I asked her if she had feelings for someone else, she came back with simply "No", however that is still in the back of my mind after reading a lot of posts on here.
We're living separately right now, I'm on my friends couch. She said she wanted space, so I'm respecting that (it's very, very hard to do). We do text every once in a while to check on each other, make sure we're both doing all right.
I want to say so much to her, but also respect her requested space at the same time. There was no definitive time frame she said she needed. Deep down I feel like if I stay away and not talk to her, she's just going to want to get a divorce and stay away. I want to show her how much I love her, since I did a terrible job of that the last few months.
As of now, the time being apart from my Wife, I've written down a list of things I either want to say, or work on. It's the little things I miss from seeing her every day. The trial separation at this point has definitely opened my eyes and I don't necessarily want or need more space. It's very sad on both of our parts that it had to come to this prior to us trying to correct it in the first place.
Since I wasn't told a definitive timeframe, how long should I wait before I try and initiate either on the phone or face to face interaction? Should the first time we talk on the phone or in person be about just normal conversation, or should we talk about what's going on in our relationship?
I appreciate any help you all can provide from your experiences or opinions.
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