Definition of Discernment Counseling:
Counseling for Couples: Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is short term, and the focus is not on solving marital problems but on seeing if they could potentially be solved.
Unlike traditional marriage counseling that assumes that both people are willing to work on the marriage, discernment counseling helps people decide whether to work on their marriage or keep moving towards divorce. Unlike individual counseling that usually takes one person's side, the discernment counselor works to understand both partners, even if they see things very differently.
My wife and I are both good people, but we have reached a fork in the road of our marriage. She is 45 and I am 49. We are both well educated and it's a first marriage for both of us. We have no children, by choice. We have been married for 9 1/2 years and we dated for 2years before we got married.
The time of our courtship and the first 7 years of our marriage were wonderful. I think we were both very much in love when we walked down the isle and we had a great friendship in addition to a marriage. During the last 2-3 years, things slowly have started deteriorating. I believe that one of the main reasons is because I'm extroverted and she is introverted. She has trouble expressing her feelings and I get frustrated from a lack of communication. Of course, there is so much more to tell, but to sum up. We have both honored all of our wedding vows and there has never been any infidelity, violence, or drug abuse on either of our parts. We have argued more in the last 6 months than the whole time before that.
She has become very aggressive for many reasons - work, family, aging - and I am sure other reasons which I am not aware about. I know we all can have issues, but she does not think anything is wrong with her. I am simply exhausted from all of her anger and my feelings of trust and love have really been eroded. She just has no ability to be vulnerable with me (or anyone from what I see). She swears she has not had an affair and I believe her (if she has, then we will part ways). I can no longer tolerate this level of negative emotion in my own home and my marriage. I would rather call it quits than to stay in this downward angry spiral . She has agreed to go with me to see a counselor for discernment therapy which is a specialized counseling aimed at deciding if you should stay together and work on the marriage or part ways.
Honestly, she is a good person and it would be wonderful if we could get our relationship back into the "loving" zone. If we can not, then I accept that and, though I will grieve, I want to simply divide up our marital assets fairly and part from the relationship as soon as possible. The level of anger is toxic to me and I feel myself becoming someone I have no desire to be. I already am in individual and group counseling on my own and I feel like I have a pretty good handle on my own emotions.
I was wondering if you have any advice for someone in my position going into discernment counseling? I think the best advice I have received so far is to simply ask two questions: 1) are you 100% committed to making the relationship work and 2) are you willing to accept responsibility for making it work. I think if both parties can say "yes" to these two questions, there might be a good chance at reconciliation.
Thanks so much for any advice or counsel that you may have to offer me regarding this very difficult situation.
Counseling for Couples: Discernment Counseling
Discernment counseling is short term, and the focus is not on solving marital problems but on seeing if they could potentially be solved.
Unlike traditional marriage counseling that assumes that both people are willing to work on the marriage, discernment counseling helps people decide whether to work on their marriage or keep moving towards divorce. Unlike individual counseling that usually takes one person's side, the discernment counselor works to understand both partners, even if they see things very differently.
My wife and I are both good people, but we have reached a fork in the road of our marriage. She is 45 and I am 49. We are both well educated and it's a first marriage for both of us. We have no children, by choice. We have been married for 9 1/2 years and we dated for 2years before we got married.
The time of our courtship and the first 7 years of our marriage were wonderful. I think we were both very much in love when we walked down the isle and we had a great friendship in addition to a marriage. During the last 2-3 years, things slowly have started deteriorating. I believe that one of the main reasons is because I'm extroverted and she is introverted. She has trouble expressing her feelings and I get frustrated from a lack of communication. Of course, there is so much more to tell, but to sum up. We have both honored all of our wedding vows and there has never been any infidelity, violence, or drug abuse on either of our parts. We have argued more in the last 6 months than the whole time before that.
She has become very aggressive for many reasons - work, family, aging - and I am sure other reasons which I am not aware about. I know we all can have issues, but she does not think anything is wrong with her. I am simply exhausted from all of her anger and my feelings of trust and love have really been eroded. She just has no ability to be vulnerable with me (or anyone from what I see). She swears she has not had an affair and I believe her (if she has, then we will part ways). I can no longer tolerate this level of negative emotion in my own home and my marriage. I would rather call it quits than to stay in this downward angry spiral . She has agreed to go with me to see a counselor for discernment therapy which is a specialized counseling aimed at deciding if you should stay together and work on the marriage or part ways.
Honestly, she is a good person and it would be wonderful if we could get our relationship back into the "loving" zone. If we can not, then I accept that and, though I will grieve, I want to simply divide up our marital assets fairly and part from the relationship as soon as possible. The level of anger is toxic to me and I feel myself becoming someone I have no desire to be. I already am in individual and group counseling on my own and I feel like I have a pretty good handle on my own emotions.
I was wondering if you have any advice for someone in my position going into discernment counseling? I think the best advice I have received so far is to simply ask two questions: 1) are you 100% committed to making the relationship work and 2) are you willing to accept responsibility for making it work. I think if both parties can say "yes" to these two questions, there might be a good chance at reconciliation.
Thanks so much for any advice or counsel that you may have to offer me regarding this very difficult situation.
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