Ive finally gotten the courage to write a letter to my husband about how unhappy I am, we have been with each other since highschool, im now 30 and we married three years ago, we have a seven year old son. How do I give him the letter, any advise would be really really helpful
Heres my letter:
Please understand I do love you, as i write this i feel relief and sadness. Relief that i can express what's been kept inside and sadness because i know that you seeing this will hurt you. I want things to get better, i want to be your wife and your friend and I want to feel like I'm as important as everything else in your life.
And thats what has happened, there's your life and my life but no "our life" we share a house, a child and a piece of paper.
i have been feeling like this for a long time and at first i kept thinking it was the stress at my job/your job, or having had and raising a child or life being busy in general but the fact is that its none of the above,
I have shut down emotionally to you, the issues we have had in the years we have been together have caused me to not care, because it hurt when i did care, it hurt when you would leave on the weekend (and its almost every weekend) to do your things and not include me or our son, it hurt when you would not attend things with me or show any interest in my hobbies , it hurt when you never planned anything with just me it's like we were the alternative if you couldn't do anything else, and it broke a piece of me when i found out that you were looking for sex outside of us.
So i stopped caring and its led to me being seen as "a man" or an "ice queen", i made me this way in order to protect my sanity and well being. I remember when i wasn't like this and I know that my cold indifference seems to be how i am, but it's not how i want to be, turning off what i feel is easier that being hurt.
i want to have what we had before and i don't know how to get that back.
Our sex life is almost nonexistent, and i take most of the blame for that i don't feel intimate with you, and im resentful when you initiate sex because it seems like your only interested and give me attention when you want sex,
I have wanted to talk to you before but because i prioritise everything else and was unrealistic to hope things would just get better by themselves, but the truth is they haven't and wont until we can talk about it.
I don't even know if you feel the same way, and I should know right? I mean we have been together for so long i don't even know when this first started....
But this is how it is.
I feel resentment, anger and despair, i hate that i am feeling vulnerable and it makes me feel weak.
We have talked so many times about what feels like the same things and it gets better for a while then it goes back to how it used to be.
I feel guilty that i am unhappy, i know you are trying your best to provide and that you need timeout too, why can't timeout be with us.
So i want to know if you feel the same....What are we going to do.
Heres my letter:
Please understand I do love you, as i write this i feel relief and sadness. Relief that i can express what's been kept inside and sadness because i know that you seeing this will hurt you. I want things to get better, i want to be your wife and your friend and I want to feel like I'm as important as everything else in your life.
And thats what has happened, there's your life and my life but no "our life" we share a house, a child and a piece of paper.
i have been feeling like this for a long time and at first i kept thinking it was the stress at my job/your job, or having had and raising a child or life being busy in general but the fact is that its none of the above,
I have shut down emotionally to you, the issues we have had in the years we have been together have caused me to not care, because it hurt when i did care, it hurt when you would leave on the weekend (and its almost every weekend) to do your things and not include me or our son, it hurt when you would not attend things with me or show any interest in my hobbies , it hurt when you never planned anything with just me it's like we were the alternative if you couldn't do anything else, and it broke a piece of me when i found out that you were looking for sex outside of us.
So i stopped caring and its led to me being seen as "a man" or an "ice queen", i made me this way in order to protect my sanity and well being. I remember when i wasn't like this and I know that my cold indifference seems to be how i am, but it's not how i want to be, turning off what i feel is easier that being hurt.
i want to have what we had before and i don't know how to get that back.
Our sex life is almost nonexistent, and i take most of the blame for that i don't feel intimate with you, and im resentful when you initiate sex because it seems like your only interested and give me attention when you want sex,
I have wanted to talk to you before but because i prioritise everything else and was unrealistic to hope things would just get better by themselves, but the truth is they haven't and wont until we can talk about it.
I don't even know if you feel the same way, and I should know right? I mean we have been together for so long i don't even know when this first started....
But this is how it is.
I feel resentment, anger and despair, i hate that i am feeling vulnerable and it makes me feel weak.
We have talked so many times about what feels like the same things and it gets better for a while then it goes back to how it used to be.
I feel guilty that i am unhappy, i know you are trying your best to provide and that you need timeout too, why can't timeout be with us.
So i want to know if you feel the same....What are we going to do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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