I would have thought by now I would move my story/thread to 'going through divorce' or 'happily ever after'. Now here I am still. At least I didn't pop some sleeping pills and call it a life.
Here's the thread I posted before, about my struggle with my non-working alcoholic husband.
Cannot kick non-working husband out
He finally got a temp job, after yet a second fight he finally 'stick' to his job and even told me he hope they will hire him full time.
Anyways, yesterday a conversation has hit me hard. He was telling me about one of his co-workers and how much of a loser he is, that he asked everyone at work 'do you have 5 bucks? do you have a smoke?', etc. He said he had the nerve to ask his supervisor 'can I borrow 5000 dollars'? While I was listening to him I got angry inside. I didn't show, but I have had enough of him telling me what other people are wrong, loser and all...
I told him, 'I hate when you as me 'do you have 10 bucks? I need smokes'. 'do you have 5 bucks? I need to get bus ticket', why can't you pay for your own ****? I just realized I have never ask people just like that! I realized my brother would do the same when I was young, he would say 'do you have X dollars' and at the same time he would be reaching out to my wallet. I told him, why do men can even ask anyone do you have X amount of money without so naturally and expect it? WTF? (I didn't say WTF out loud, just thinking). I told him every time he ask me that I hated it sooo much. I didn't blow up, he didn't react much to it, we just went silence.
Over the last few months since the last major episode in Dec 26, I have been trying to assess my feelings, my life, my goals, my future and stuff. Especially my feelings about my husband and the whole situation. I realized we are very different people. We have very different values, different goals, different friends, nothing seems common. He never go place and events with me, constantly saying things about how stuck up these people are. My feelings has change. But a marriage is a marriage, he doesn't want to break up. He is trying to keep a job. He doesn't throw tantrum when ask to get his drivers license. He still give me guilt trip of not coming home earlier because of business meetings, he wants me to pick him up at this work, give him a ride here and there still.
Here's the thread I posted before, about my struggle with my non-working alcoholic husband.
Cannot kick non-working husband out
He finally got a temp job, after yet a second fight he finally 'stick' to his job and even told me he hope they will hire him full time.
Anyways, yesterday a conversation has hit me hard. He was telling me about one of his co-workers and how much of a loser he is, that he asked everyone at work 'do you have 5 bucks? do you have a smoke?', etc. He said he had the nerve to ask his supervisor 'can I borrow 5000 dollars'? While I was listening to him I got angry inside. I didn't show, but I have had enough of him telling me what other people are wrong, loser and all...
I told him, 'I hate when you as me 'do you have 10 bucks? I need smokes'. 'do you have 5 bucks? I need to get bus ticket', why can't you pay for your own ****? I just realized I have never ask people just like that! I realized my brother would do the same when I was young, he would say 'do you have X dollars' and at the same time he would be reaching out to my wallet. I told him, why do men can even ask anyone do you have X amount of money without so naturally and expect it? WTF? (I didn't say WTF out loud, just thinking). I told him every time he ask me that I hated it sooo much. I didn't blow up, he didn't react much to it, we just went silence.
Over the last few months since the last major episode in Dec 26, I have been trying to assess my feelings, my life, my goals, my future and stuff. Especially my feelings about my husband and the whole situation. I realized we are very different people. We have very different values, different goals, different friends, nothing seems common. He never go place and events with me, constantly saying things about how stuck up these people are. My feelings has change. But a marriage is a marriage, he doesn't want to break up. He is trying to keep a job. He doesn't throw tantrum when ask to get his drivers license. He still give me guilt trip of not coming home earlier because of business meetings, he wants me to pick him up at this work, give him a ride here and there still.
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment