I will try to to give a background. DH has had periods of delayed ejaculation issues in our 17 year marriage that has created months of no sex. This is usually the routine that begins a no sex period. We will try to bring sex back into our marriage and it will start out great. He will be an attentive lover making sure my needs are taken care of. On his end, it can take up to 45 minutes and honestly I do reach a point of "lets just get this over with" because my desire has already gone after that length of time. So we will fall in a pattern that I go first and him second. Then he will decide for us that it isn't fair I go first and will start providing very little foreplay for me so we can get to him quickly or insist I hurry and get my own self off or insist he goes first. I will either end up with no desire to reach my goal because either my libido has dried up or he kind of acts like he is obligated but with no passion or no return at all. If he didn't reach his goal, then it is sort of a pat on the head and we tried and let's go to sleep and I am just dropped.
I know I am somewhat selfish on wanting to be first and I understand how frustrating it must be to deal with ED. I will admit I don't give a lot of foreplay to him down there in the beginning when we first get into bed. It either causes him to rush things or desensitizes. I also tell myself that is ok to not be goal oriented for myself and let him have all the fun once in awhile. But honestly, after it happens the first few times I start to lose interest in sex and it becomes boring and then we go on one of our no sex periods that usually last for months until the pattern repeats.
He has made comments recently that I am being kind of self centered about seeing to my needs first and I have been giving in so I know we are in our downward spiral. I have talked to him about bringing in a new position or location or toys or anything to reverse it. He agrees with a smile that he would like that but won't follow through. I bought new lingerie and tried little subtle peep shows and flirting but not getting much back. The other day he asked if the new very sexy bra I bought was a suggestion because he has a couple stitches in his hand and can't do anything and I just told him it wasn't for him. I was frustrated.
I know I am somewhat selfish on wanting to be first and I understand how frustrating it must be to deal with ED. I will admit I don't give a lot of foreplay to him down there in the beginning when we first get into bed. It either causes him to rush things or desensitizes. I also tell myself that is ok to not be goal oriented for myself and let him have all the fun once in awhile. But honestly, after it happens the first few times I start to lose interest in sex and it becomes boring and then we go on one of our no sex periods that usually last for months until the pattern repeats.
He has made comments recently that I am being kind of self centered about seeing to my needs first and I have been giving in so I know we are in our downward spiral. I have talked to him about bringing in a new position or location or toys or anything to reverse it. He agrees with a smile that he would like that but won't follow through. I bought new lingerie and tried little subtle peep shows and flirting but not getting much back. The other day he asked if the new very sexy bra I bought was a suggestion because he has a couple stitches in his hand and can't do anything and I just told him it wasn't for him. I was frustrated.
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