Hello I really appreciate any and all support and advice I can get here.
I have been married for 20+ years. My H has had a drug problem on and off for several years. Rehab, Counseling, Alanon, Church, Separation, you name it, we have done it. I thought he finally cleaned up for good...but here we are again.
When not on drugs, he is a wonderful person with a big heart.
Through the years of drug use, he has been (what I consider) emotionally abusive. After so much of the mood swings, fights, financial problems, etc...I had enough. If I mention leaving, he goes into a rage and threatens suicide. I think sometimes it is a bluff and sometimes it is not. (attempts have happened) As far as help with that, well, there is none where I live, tried that too.
I find myself saying what he wants to hear just to keep the peace and avoid the threats and fights. If I say something or act a certain way, such as avoiding him, he gets angry and sometimes threatens suicide again. When that happens, I just say what he wants to calm him down.
As much as I love him and want a happy life with him, I just don't want to live in this anymore. If I leave and something tragic happens to him, I dont know if I could live with myself.
I dont want to "abandon" him when he has a problem, but at the same time, I think it is time to think of myself.
Sometimes, I think his threats are his way of controlling me and getting his way, which is abuse, right?
Ok, here is an example. When we fight, he will ask if I want to leave. If I dont answer he may say "give me an answer or I will take all these pills." Obviously I say I want to stay.
How do I handle this, how do I get out? I am so afraid of what will happen. Fear has kept me here and I dont know what to do about it. ANY ADVICE??? please help!!!
I have been married for 20+ years. My H has had a drug problem on and off for several years. Rehab, Counseling, Alanon, Church, Separation, you name it, we have done it. I thought he finally cleaned up for good...but here we are again.
When not on drugs, he is a wonderful person with a big heart.
Through the years of drug use, he has been (what I consider) emotionally abusive. After so much of the mood swings, fights, financial problems, etc...I had enough. If I mention leaving, he goes into a rage and threatens suicide. I think sometimes it is a bluff and sometimes it is not. (attempts have happened) As far as help with that, well, there is none where I live, tried that too.
I find myself saying what he wants to hear just to keep the peace and avoid the threats and fights. If I say something or act a certain way, such as avoiding him, he gets angry and sometimes threatens suicide again. When that happens, I just say what he wants to calm him down.
As much as I love him and want a happy life with him, I just don't want to live in this anymore. If I leave and something tragic happens to him, I dont know if I could live with myself.
I dont want to "abandon" him when he has a problem, but at the same time, I think it is time to think of myself.
Sometimes, I think his threats are his way of controlling me and getting his way, which is abuse, right?
Ok, here is an example. When we fight, he will ask if I want to leave. If I dont answer he may say "give me an answer or I will take all these pills." Obviously I say I want to stay.
How do I handle this, how do I get out? I am so afraid of what will happen. Fear has kept me here and I dont know what to do about it. ANY ADVICE??? please help!!!
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