This is going to be long so I apologise but think I need to tell you some background too...
Me & my hubby have been together 11 1/2 years and for the first 8yrs+ it was fantastic, slowly my husbands drinking & drugs began to become a problem and the past 2yrs have been ruled by his addictions and our marriage has taken a huge battering. Just under 6mths ago I reached by breaking point and I asked him to leave, he went off the rails for a few weeks then booked himself into rehab and has stopped the drink & drugs and is doing well with that.
When he came out of rehab around 3 months ago he begged me for another chance, at the time I was so angry/hurt/scared/upset that I didnt feel like I loved him anymore and just wanted to move on but I agreed to allow him to prove himself and that we could see what happened because he said he loved me so much and didnt want to loose his family or his marriage. I said that I would not commit until I was satisfied he meant what he said and so he put a lot of effort in. We've got 2 children so we were focusing on being parents to them and working through some of the issues and things that had happened before he went into rehab, we spent a little time together but not really as a couple and more as friends... around a month ago I began to feel happier and my feelings for him began to surface again because I was able to forgive him somewhat for what had happened in the past, I didnt tell him as I wanted to be sure that it was what I wanted first.
A couple of weeks ago he told me he loves me as a person and as the kids mum but something is missing and he cant be with me right now as he needs to stand on his own two feet and prove to himself that he's capable of being responsible for the first time in his life :( I'm devastated!!!! I can see the love in his eyes and how he acts around me so I believe that its there but he's just not ready to be in a relationship right now. He said he doesnt know what will happen in the future but right now he wants to be on his own, its frustrating cos of course something is missing as we're not actually together!!
He suffers with mental health problems which he's currently under a psychiatrist for, he's not been diagnosed as yet though. He has trouble with feeling emotions and knowing what they are and tends to be "in his head" a lot thinking about the what ifs and future instead of living in the moment and I think is having a huge impact on how he feels. I'm 100% certain that 3 months ago when he came out of rehab he loved me with all his heart and I cant understand how that love can just disappear?!! He's struggling with the guilt of what he's put me & the kids through during his darkest days of addiction and I wonder if thats having some influence on it all.
I know that I have to let him have this space as otherwise it would have caused problems for us both anyway so I know this had to happen. I'm terrified that he will realise how he feels too late when i've had enough of waiting and moved on, I really do love him and know we can have a good future together but I also know that he has to WANT that too. We have an amazing connection ,we get on so well and make such a good team - I cant just throw that away as I know we have something special that's worth fighting for.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!! :D
Me & my hubby have been together 11 1/2 years and for the first 8yrs+ it was fantastic, slowly my husbands drinking & drugs began to become a problem and the past 2yrs have been ruled by his addictions and our marriage has taken a huge battering. Just under 6mths ago I reached by breaking point and I asked him to leave, he went off the rails for a few weeks then booked himself into rehab and has stopped the drink & drugs and is doing well with that.
When he came out of rehab around 3 months ago he begged me for another chance, at the time I was so angry/hurt/scared/upset that I didnt feel like I loved him anymore and just wanted to move on but I agreed to allow him to prove himself and that we could see what happened because he said he loved me so much and didnt want to loose his family or his marriage. I said that I would not commit until I was satisfied he meant what he said and so he put a lot of effort in. We've got 2 children so we were focusing on being parents to them and working through some of the issues and things that had happened before he went into rehab, we spent a little time together but not really as a couple and more as friends... around a month ago I began to feel happier and my feelings for him began to surface again because I was able to forgive him somewhat for what had happened in the past, I didnt tell him as I wanted to be sure that it was what I wanted first.
A couple of weeks ago he told me he loves me as a person and as the kids mum but something is missing and he cant be with me right now as he needs to stand on his own two feet and prove to himself that he's capable of being responsible for the first time in his life :( I'm devastated!!!! I can see the love in his eyes and how he acts around me so I believe that its there but he's just not ready to be in a relationship right now. He said he doesnt know what will happen in the future but right now he wants to be on his own, its frustrating cos of course something is missing as we're not actually together!!
He suffers with mental health problems which he's currently under a psychiatrist for, he's not been diagnosed as yet though. He has trouble with feeling emotions and knowing what they are and tends to be "in his head" a lot thinking about the what ifs and future instead of living in the moment and I think is having a huge impact on how he feels. I'm 100% certain that 3 months ago when he came out of rehab he loved me with all his heart and I cant understand how that love can just disappear?!! He's struggling with the guilt of what he's put me & the kids through during his darkest days of addiction and I wonder if thats having some influence on it all.
I know that I have to let him have this space as otherwise it would have caused problems for us both anyway so I know this had to happen. I'm terrified that he will realise how he feels too late when i've had enough of waiting and moved on, I really do love him and know we can have a good future together but I also know that he has to WANT that too. We have an amazing connection ,we get on so well and make such a good team - I cant just throw that away as I know we have something special that's worth fighting for.
Thanks for reading if you got this far!! :D
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