I sit here wishing I'd been more selfish and impulsive. I'm hopelessly in love with a friend of mine. We connect on a lot of levels and I sense she has strong feelings for me too. But throughout the time I've known her she has had a boyfriend (who studies abroad). I suspect that she developed strong feelings towards me as her boyfriend is abroad and consciously or unconsciously saw me as a replacement.
But I love her so much I don't even blame her for that, because it's only human to want someone to love and someone to love you when you feel lonely or down or scared.
For months I've been torturing myself and trying to convince myself simultaneously that being friends wouldn't be so bad, or that one day she will realise that the person she truly loves is me. But I think she isn't quite ready to break up with her boyfriend, and I suspect a big reason is also they were part of the same friendship group at uni, so she feels if she breaks up with him she is giving up her friends too.
I just don't know what to do and I just feel like all my life I've tried to make things easy for other people by swallowing my own feelings, and I just get no reward for endless misery. I try to do the right thing by not making a drunken move on her, and also because I often feel sad even when I see strangers get with people they don't know or don't love for the sake of escaping loneliness for a little while.
I'm just sick of being myself at this moment in time.
But I love her so much I don't even blame her for that, because it's only human to want someone to love and someone to love you when you feel lonely or down or scared.
For months I've been torturing myself and trying to convince myself simultaneously that being friends wouldn't be so bad, or that one day she will realise that the person she truly loves is me. But I think she isn't quite ready to break up with her boyfriend, and I suspect a big reason is also they were part of the same friendship group at uni, so she feels if she breaks up with him she is giving up her friends too.
I just don't know what to do and I just feel like all my life I've tried to make things easy for other people by swallowing my own feelings, and I just get no reward for endless misery. I try to do the right thing by not making a drunken move on her, and also because I often feel sad even when I see strangers get with people they don't know or don't love for the sake of escaping loneliness for a little while.
I'm just sick of being myself at this moment in time.
Put the internet to work for you.
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