hi,
I'm a Russian grad student. I am relatively new to UK and I'd like to discuss racism.
I think the best way to would be to present this account of events from last week.
A guy asked me why I 'ran' away when a pretty black chick came on to me at a party. (i did not run , in fact I just said nothing then quietly walked away left the party.)
I know this guy, he is like me, not aggressive, not extrovert more just an academic type. So I decided to tell him the truth.
I said actually I just don't like black skin. I have no idea if this chick is nice or not nice or a genius or the hottest girl ever because ( sexually speaking , or even just personal intimacy speaking ) I kind of switch off automatically when I see black skin.
He said can you give me an example ?
I said yes. Here – when I thought this black chick (who had quite a lot of drinks ) tried to kiss me, when she came near to my face I felt
these feelings : slightly afraid, then a mixture of of shock and fear and revulsion and ashamed that I did not know how to react … and wondering why I will have to explain myself.
( I felt this set of sensations once when a friend's puppy tried to lick my face )
I said this is so difficult to explain. And he was more became more agitated and said " you know, what if I said I find your face slightly revolting as it is so fair like snow-white … "
I said " I have no problem with that – I can make no demands on your personal experience " And as far as the black chick goes , I know her and often , if she stands near me and talks and makes a coffee in the kitchen , I don't runaway screaming
- but I don't like her skin colour and I find myself become a little upset if she comes too near to me.
And I only smile at her because I am afraid I will be accused of something if I don't smile at her. And it is true with anyone else with black skin, brown skin etc
I told this story to my tutor who is a white chick and she said "it's a tricky one to discuss and I'm busy - so why don't you join TSR and post it there and discuss it.
I tried to apologise to the black chick for leaving the room now ..but first of all she didn't want to know ….( fine) and second , deep down I don't sincerely feel at all like I owe an apology - because I don't like her skin colour and if she came near me it will happen again.
Do any other people have to pretend they don't mind skin colour when maybe they do ? To me it is bit like when are six or seven and you have to pretend when an old grandmother lady of 100 wants to give you a sloppy big kiss - aaaarg no way please …. But when children just do the natural thing and avoid this … no one tells them they are Ageist .. or a nasty person… people generally think I am a nice person - I have made lots of friends here and I am sociable and happy and confident - in my spare time I am a model and a ski-er ..
Also , my girl friend said she feels this about black or asian men this a lot too now we are in London,
in Moscow they wouldn't even approach her at all … it Never happens .. and certainly no one would apologise or feel bad about it.
What you guys think about this ?
I'm a Russian grad student. I am relatively new to UK and I'd like to discuss racism.
I think the best way to would be to present this account of events from last week.
A guy asked me why I 'ran' away when a pretty black chick came on to me at a party. (i did not run , in fact I just said nothing then quietly walked away left the party.)
I know this guy, he is like me, not aggressive, not extrovert more just an academic type. So I decided to tell him the truth.
I said actually I just don't like black skin. I have no idea if this chick is nice or not nice or a genius or the hottest girl ever because ( sexually speaking , or even just personal intimacy speaking ) I kind of switch off automatically when I see black skin.
He said can you give me an example ?
I said yes. Here – when I thought this black chick (who had quite a lot of drinks ) tried to kiss me, when she came near to my face I felt
these feelings : slightly afraid, then a mixture of of shock and fear and revulsion and ashamed that I did not know how to react … and wondering why I will have to explain myself.
( I felt this set of sensations once when a friend's puppy tried to lick my face )
I said this is so difficult to explain. And he was more became more agitated and said " you know, what if I said I find your face slightly revolting as it is so fair like snow-white … "
I said " I have no problem with that – I can make no demands on your personal experience " And as far as the black chick goes , I know her and often , if she stands near me and talks and makes a coffee in the kitchen , I don't runaway screaming
- but I don't like her skin colour and I find myself become a little upset if she comes too near to me.
And I only smile at her because I am afraid I will be accused of something if I don't smile at her. And it is true with anyone else with black skin, brown skin etc
I told this story to my tutor who is a white chick and she said "it's a tricky one to discuss and I'm busy - so why don't you join TSR and post it there and discuss it.
I tried to apologise to the black chick for leaving the room now ..but first of all she didn't want to know ….( fine) and second , deep down I don't sincerely feel at all like I owe an apology - because I don't like her skin colour and if she came near me it will happen again.
Do any other people have to pretend they don't mind skin colour when maybe they do ? To me it is bit like when are six or seven and you have to pretend when an old grandmother lady of 100 wants to give you a sloppy big kiss - aaaarg no way please …. But when children just do the natural thing and avoid this … no one tells them they are Ageist .. or a nasty person… people generally think I am a nice person - I have made lots of friends here and I am sociable and happy and confident - in my spare time I am a model and a ski-er ..
Also , my girl friend said she feels this about black or asian men this a lot too now we are in London,
in Moscow they wouldn't even approach her at all … it Never happens .. and certainly no one would apologise or feel bad about it.
What you guys think about this ?
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