Hi....I originally posted this under LIFE AFTER DIVORCE in Dec, but decided to put it where it belongs. I have been reading stories on here for since Oct and the effects are amazing. Guys like Conrad, Re-Group, and many others have really helped me…and I appreciate it. However, by no means is this journey complete and I need help and hope I can help others at the same time.
I married my High School sweetheart 22 years ago and we recently moved to Virginia. Our oldest daughter is a Senior in college and recently married in May and stayed in Alabama.
Our youngest made the move to Virginia with us. My wife and I have went through a lot the past three years, her father dying in 2010, my mother dying in 2011 and my father recently passed away in 2012. She started therapy in Virginia and while I know that she has not been truly happy (long story of her childhood) I thought we were doing fine.
She met someone at a bar. He's an older guy, a 2X divorced car salesman who lives in a modified basement apartment of someone's house. He claims to be an ex NFL player, I called the Raider's they have never heard of him, and even claims to be the ex body guard of Sylvester Stallone and is the cousin of Stephanie Myers....sound too good to be true? To everyone but my wife.
She tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I catch her talking to this guy constantly....Facebook, text messages, phone messages....she's not very smart. When I come back from a trip in Nov, she tells me that she needs to talk and wants a separation.
While we are talking upstairs, our daughter picks up her phone and finds all the sordid dirty sexting messages.....my daughter brings me the phone and shows me. I actually try to cover for my wife, but my daughter also shows me pictures.....needless to say my wife left that night.
So......i still want to make it work.....I love her. We go to MC, and she tells the counselor that she does not want the marriage. I ask her to do the 40 day Love Dare and not contact this guy. She agrees......but on Thanksgiving i catch her talking to this guy.
I pick up the phone and threaten him.....I want to beat the crap out of this guy so bad I can't see straight.....but i know i'll lose my job and my daughter, who has said that wants to live with me. We agree to a divorce on 28 Nov.
Now here is where it gets messy. I can't stop wanting to hurt this guy and make him hurt worse than I am hurting. I can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't concentrate.
Even her own siblings are telling me that I'm better off.....but i still love her. How do i move on? She has said the cruelest things to me.....i never satisfied her sexually, emotionally, and i was always so selfish. She does not even see the carnage she has done to the family. I feel hopeless. I am beyond sad...i'm angry.....i want vengeance. She moved in with POSOM on 23 Dec 2013.
UPDATE as of 3 Feb: I'm still angry…but my need for vengeance is not as strong. I've accepted the fact that we are done, and I would/could never take her back!
While she has not wanted to reconcile, she has called a few times complaining that she can't find a job, and wanted me to tutor her with Chemistry (my undergrad degree was Chemistry) and that while she loves this new guy (all 4 months they have known each other) that he works all the time and she has to eat by herself.
I have essentially ignored her texts/phone calls. She is close to signing the Property Settlement Agreement. The biggest fight was over the fact that our daughter will not be staying nights at POSOM's basement, and my daughter will chose if/when she wants to meet him.
Now, about my self-esteem….I am incredibly lonely. I miss the companionship of another woman but at the same time, know that I need to work on myself. I have joined Match.com and have met a few women for coffee.
But it seems like I always talk about ME and MY situation. It's getting better though and I love the distraction. I have also booked a Club Med singles vacation this June at Turks and Caicos. My fog is lifting from Co-dependency issues and I'm hoping the KARMA bus is coming for them soon.
I married my High School sweetheart 22 years ago and we recently moved to Virginia. Our oldest daughter is a Senior in college and recently married in May and stayed in Alabama.
Our youngest made the move to Virginia with us. My wife and I have went through a lot the past three years, her father dying in 2010, my mother dying in 2011 and my father recently passed away in 2012. She started therapy in Virginia and while I know that she has not been truly happy (long story of her childhood) I thought we were doing fine.
She met someone at a bar. He's an older guy, a 2X divorced car salesman who lives in a modified basement apartment of someone's house. He claims to be an ex NFL player, I called the Raider's they have never heard of him, and even claims to be the ex body guard of Sylvester Stallone and is the cousin of Stephanie Myers....sound too good to be true? To everyone but my wife.
She tells me that she loves me but is not in love with me anymore. I catch her talking to this guy constantly....Facebook, text messages, phone messages....she's not very smart. When I come back from a trip in Nov, she tells me that she needs to talk and wants a separation.
While we are talking upstairs, our daughter picks up her phone and finds all the sordid dirty sexting messages.....my daughter brings me the phone and shows me. I actually try to cover for my wife, but my daughter also shows me pictures.....needless to say my wife left that night.
So......i still want to make it work.....I love her. We go to MC, and she tells the counselor that she does not want the marriage. I ask her to do the 40 day Love Dare and not contact this guy. She agrees......but on Thanksgiving i catch her talking to this guy.
I pick up the phone and threaten him.....I want to beat the crap out of this guy so bad I can't see straight.....but i know i'll lose my job and my daughter, who has said that wants to live with me. We agree to a divorce on 28 Nov.
Now here is where it gets messy. I can't stop wanting to hurt this guy and make him hurt worse than I am hurting. I can't sleep, i can't eat, i can't concentrate.
Even her own siblings are telling me that I'm better off.....but i still love her. How do i move on? She has said the cruelest things to me.....i never satisfied her sexually, emotionally, and i was always so selfish. She does not even see the carnage she has done to the family. I feel hopeless. I am beyond sad...i'm angry.....i want vengeance. She moved in with POSOM on 23 Dec 2013.
UPDATE as of 3 Feb: I'm still angry…but my need for vengeance is not as strong. I've accepted the fact that we are done, and I would/could never take her back!
While she has not wanted to reconcile, she has called a few times complaining that she can't find a job, and wanted me to tutor her with Chemistry (my undergrad degree was Chemistry) and that while she loves this new guy (all 4 months they have known each other) that he works all the time and she has to eat by herself.
I have essentially ignored her texts/phone calls. She is close to signing the Property Settlement Agreement. The biggest fight was over the fact that our daughter will not be staying nights at POSOM's basement, and my daughter will chose if/when she wants to meet him.
Now, about my self-esteem….I am incredibly lonely. I miss the companionship of another woman but at the same time, know that I need to work on myself. I have joined Match.com and have met a few women for coffee.
But it seems like I always talk about ME and MY situation. It's getting better though and I love the distraction. I have also booked a Club Med singles vacation this June at Turks and Caicos. My fog is lifting from Co-dependency issues and I'm hoping the KARMA bus is coming for them soon.
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