I have been married for 15 years, and from my knowledge, my husband has always been faithful to me until now. For the last 6 months or so, I have been super stressed out from all kinds of issues, mainly personal with kids, and loosing my mother. My husband and I have been sleeping apart during this time as well, but we still have maintained an ok sex life. He just chose to sleep on the couch, and says it was because he didn't want to disturb me watching tv late at night. Although this bothered me, I just went along with it.
He seemed to be upset most of the time, so we didn't really communicate much without arguing, so things weren't really good for these months, but I didn't know how bad they really were. So a few weeks ago, I awake at 2 am hearing my husband in the living room on the phone with someone. It wasn't so much of a big deal since he had just got home from work, but what was strange was the fact that I had been seeing him on the phone more and more lately, when he rarely ever talked to anyone other than his family on the phone our entire marriage.
So, during this phone conversation at 2 am, I hear him end it by saying I will text you when I get up, which really disturbed me. I was positive he couldn't have been up talking to a male that late, and then telling him he'd text him when he got up, so I knew it had to be a woman. I was really hurt, but didn't want to jump to conclusions. So then a few days later, I leave, and soon as I get back, I hear him outside in the backyard on the phone again, this time ending the conversation by saying he needed to smoke a cigarette to get his mind right.
Since the conversations didn't really sound like cheating, I had an uncomfortable feeling it still was, so I debated how to approach him with it, especially since he seemed so upset with me lately, and unapproachable. I then spent the next few days really upset because I just felt like he was cheating on me, and this is why he didn't sleep in our room anymore, and I have been a fool thinking we could work past this.
Eventually, I got really upset and just asked him who he was talking to over the phone via a text message, and since he didn't reply, I had to just ask him face to face, which I dreaded. He got super pissed and said he was talking to this person about a job, but I'm like at 2 am. So he goes on to say well that's because he get off late. So I didn't like how he blew up at me for asking, and acted like he didn't care, so I told him I would just file for a divorce and leave him alone, since I can't ask my husband of 15 years who he is on the phone with. Also, he threw in my face that me knowing who he was talking to was just my way of controlling everything.
So, since it seemed like our marriage was over, and I felt helpless and like I couldn't even talk to him about something that's bothering me and making me uncomfortable, the next day I went and got the papers for a divorce. I completed and filed the papers the following day. On this day, I debated if I would serve the papers to him because I really started having second thoughts. Later that day, I used the only car we have to pick my younger kids up from school immediately after him returning from picking up our older children from school.
He accidentally left his cell phone on the seat, so I hurried up and left because I really wanted to look through his phone to see who he was calling, which I have never ever done before. To my surprise, I found he was texting some woman, getting nude pics from her, and calling this same woman, who was saved in his phone as S. I was so hurt. I read texts from her saying she loved him and him asking her to send him sexy pics, etc. I also saw a text that appeared to have made reference to them being together a few days prior when he all of a sudden went to spend the night with his mom. Since she lives a few hours away, I didn't think much of that all of a sudden visit until I later found a receipt from a restaurant, dine in for two, paid for with his credit card, which I never mentioned, but also helped my suspicion out.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but since I was parked only around the corner from our house to pick up our kids, I knew he would walk around there as quick as he could when he realized he left his phone, so I had to read quick. I wanted to get her phone number, but only had just enough time to read all the messages, which at least went back to before this past Christmas, which he also spent with his mother and not our family surprisingly. As soon as I could finish reading the texts, I saw him walking to the car, which I knew why because he didn't want me to see his messages, so I quickly pretended to read a book while waiting on the kids, and he knocked on the window and asked did he leave his phone. I gave it to him and he walked back home. I was so pissed, but had to keep it together in front of the kids. As soon as I got home, I got the papers and served him myself and left for a few hours to calm my nerves. He then texted me saying how he thought I wouldn't go thro ugh his stuff and how he didn't think I would file papers so fast.
I was even more pissed because I didn't mention anything about his phone and what I saw, only served him divorce papers which he knew I said I'd file from two nights prior when asking who he was speaking to on the phone. So I texted him back and told him how hurt I was for him cheating and asked him if he wasn't, why was he mentioning me going through his stuff. He replied saying he never cheated and he wouldn't sign the papers if they say cheating, so I replied and told him papers just say irreconcilable differences, not cheating, although I know he had. He replied back saying he never cheated, so I replied back saying he lied, he did cheat, and that I am not going to play back and forth games, I went through the phone and say the messages, pics, etc. So he then replied back and said he only started back talking to her because he couldn't talk to me and after all these years he couldn't make me happy so he felt our marriage was over.
I couldn't believe what I was reading, especially since I felt like I couldn't talk to him all this time, and that he was distancing himself from me. We responded back and forth, and I told him how hurt I was. Later the next day, he came home and we actually talked and agreed we would forgive each other and work on our marriage so we can stay together. I was so emotional, hurt, and not thinking straight, so I only really asked him would he promise to never talk to her again, which he said yes to and apologized to me. It's only been about 6 days since all this occurred, and things have been super good between us. He sleeps in our bed again, and we have really reconnected like old times. It feels really nice because I really love my husband and didn't want a divorce, even after finding out he cheated. I use to always say I would leave a man if he cheated, but in reality, I just couldn't leave my husband, especially after he wanted to work our marriage out as much as I did.
However, although these last few days have been great, I am now starting to feel like he may be still talking to this woman, and also, I feel like I let him off way to easy due to me being so emotional, hurt, and desperate to save my marriage. What I mean is, I have a list of questions I really want answered because I feel like although I forgave him, I don't even know the extent of their relationship, how long it occurred, what actually happened between them, and who she even is, because it sound like she is an ex. I feel like it is unfair for me to have all these questions that I am afraid to ask him about in fear of him getting upset and our marriage ending, but at the same time, it's unfair to have to live with something and pretend like it's okay, and then have the issue resurface and cause problems later on in our marriage. Either way, I want to talk to him about her and get my questions answered, honestly hopefully, and without him blowing up at me. I kind of feel like now is the best time before too much time passes, so he doesn't feel like why I'm bringing up something that happened so long ago that I forgave him for.
I am so afraid to talk to him about this, please help me with advice. Do I pretend nothing is bothering me and secretly be torn up inside not knowing if he had sex with this woman, how long they were even together, and just the extent of their relationship, and if he is still involved with her or not, or say something with the risk of a final blowout, and loose my 15 year marriage with a man I love, but lost trust for.
I believe our marriage can survive from his infidelity, but I just have to know the truth about the other woman, and I don't feel like I can genuinely move on in our marriage without knowing, even though things seem to be going well right now. I am so lost and don't know what to do. Please, please help with any advice.
Thanks....
Tiffany
He seemed to be upset most of the time, so we didn't really communicate much without arguing, so things weren't really good for these months, but I didn't know how bad they really were. So a few weeks ago, I awake at 2 am hearing my husband in the living room on the phone with someone. It wasn't so much of a big deal since he had just got home from work, but what was strange was the fact that I had been seeing him on the phone more and more lately, when he rarely ever talked to anyone other than his family on the phone our entire marriage.
So, during this phone conversation at 2 am, I hear him end it by saying I will text you when I get up, which really disturbed me. I was positive he couldn't have been up talking to a male that late, and then telling him he'd text him when he got up, so I knew it had to be a woman. I was really hurt, but didn't want to jump to conclusions. So then a few days later, I leave, and soon as I get back, I hear him outside in the backyard on the phone again, this time ending the conversation by saying he needed to smoke a cigarette to get his mind right.
Since the conversations didn't really sound like cheating, I had an uncomfortable feeling it still was, so I debated how to approach him with it, especially since he seemed so upset with me lately, and unapproachable. I then spent the next few days really upset because I just felt like he was cheating on me, and this is why he didn't sleep in our room anymore, and I have been a fool thinking we could work past this.
Eventually, I got really upset and just asked him who he was talking to over the phone via a text message, and since he didn't reply, I had to just ask him face to face, which I dreaded. He got super pissed and said he was talking to this person about a job, but I'm like at 2 am. So he goes on to say well that's because he get off late. So I didn't like how he blew up at me for asking, and acted like he didn't care, so I told him I would just file for a divorce and leave him alone, since I can't ask my husband of 15 years who he is on the phone with. Also, he threw in my face that me knowing who he was talking to was just my way of controlling everything.
So, since it seemed like our marriage was over, and I felt helpless and like I couldn't even talk to him about something that's bothering me and making me uncomfortable, the next day I went and got the papers for a divorce. I completed and filed the papers the following day. On this day, I debated if I would serve the papers to him because I really started having second thoughts. Later that day, I used the only car we have to pick my younger kids up from school immediately after him returning from picking up our older children from school.
He accidentally left his cell phone on the seat, so I hurried up and left because I really wanted to look through his phone to see who he was calling, which I have never ever done before. To my surprise, I found he was texting some woman, getting nude pics from her, and calling this same woman, who was saved in his phone as S. I was so hurt. I read texts from her saying she loved him and him asking her to send him sexy pics, etc. I also saw a text that appeared to have made reference to them being together a few days prior when he all of a sudden went to spend the night with his mom. Since she lives a few hours away, I didn't think much of that all of a sudden visit until I later found a receipt from a restaurant, dine in for two, paid for with his credit card, which I never mentioned, but also helped my suspicion out.
I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but since I was parked only around the corner from our house to pick up our kids, I knew he would walk around there as quick as he could when he realized he left his phone, so I had to read quick. I wanted to get her phone number, but only had just enough time to read all the messages, which at least went back to before this past Christmas, which he also spent with his mother and not our family surprisingly. As soon as I could finish reading the texts, I saw him walking to the car, which I knew why because he didn't want me to see his messages, so I quickly pretended to read a book while waiting on the kids, and he knocked on the window and asked did he leave his phone. I gave it to him and he walked back home. I was so pissed, but had to keep it together in front of the kids. As soon as I got home, I got the papers and served him myself and left for a few hours to calm my nerves. He then texted me saying how he thought I wouldn't go thro ugh his stuff and how he didn't think I would file papers so fast.
I was even more pissed because I didn't mention anything about his phone and what I saw, only served him divorce papers which he knew I said I'd file from two nights prior when asking who he was speaking to on the phone. So I texted him back and told him how hurt I was for him cheating and asked him if he wasn't, why was he mentioning me going through his stuff. He replied saying he never cheated and he wouldn't sign the papers if they say cheating, so I replied and told him papers just say irreconcilable differences, not cheating, although I know he had. He replied back saying he never cheated, so I replied back saying he lied, he did cheat, and that I am not going to play back and forth games, I went through the phone and say the messages, pics, etc. So he then replied back and said he only started back talking to her because he couldn't talk to me and after all these years he couldn't make me happy so he felt our marriage was over.
I couldn't believe what I was reading, especially since I felt like I couldn't talk to him all this time, and that he was distancing himself from me. We responded back and forth, and I told him how hurt I was. Later the next day, he came home and we actually talked and agreed we would forgive each other and work on our marriage so we can stay together. I was so emotional, hurt, and not thinking straight, so I only really asked him would he promise to never talk to her again, which he said yes to and apologized to me. It's only been about 6 days since all this occurred, and things have been super good between us. He sleeps in our bed again, and we have really reconnected like old times. It feels really nice because I really love my husband and didn't want a divorce, even after finding out he cheated. I use to always say I would leave a man if he cheated, but in reality, I just couldn't leave my husband, especially after he wanted to work our marriage out as much as I did.
However, although these last few days have been great, I am now starting to feel like he may be still talking to this woman, and also, I feel like I let him off way to easy due to me being so emotional, hurt, and desperate to save my marriage. What I mean is, I have a list of questions I really want answered because I feel like although I forgave him, I don't even know the extent of their relationship, how long it occurred, what actually happened between them, and who she even is, because it sound like she is an ex. I feel like it is unfair for me to have all these questions that I am afraid to ask him about in fear of him getting upset and our marriage ending, but at the same time, it's unfair to have to live with something and pretend like it's okay, and then have the issue resurface and cause problems later on in our marriage. Either way, I want to talk to him about her and get my questions answered, honestly hopefully, and without him blowing up at me. I kind of feel like now is the best time before too much time passes, so he doesn't feel like why I'm bringing up something that happened so long ago that I forgave him for.
I am so afraid to talk to him about this, please help me with advice. Do I pretend nothing is bothering me and secretly be torn up inside not knowing if he had sex with this woman, how long they were even together, and just the extent of their relationship, and if he is still involved with her or not, or say something with the risk of a final blowout, and loose my 15 year marriage with a man I love, but lost trust for.
I believe our marriage can survive from his infidelity, but I just have to know the truth about the other woman, and I don't feel like I can genuinely move on in our marriage without knowing, even though things seem to be going well right now. I am so lost and don't know what to do. Please, please help with any advice.
Thanks....
Tiffany
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