My STBXW and I attended MC on Wednesday. My wife left me after 23 years because "she couldn't make me happy". We met after she left and she reluctantly agreed to MC.
The Counselor opened the session by asking each of us what we hoped to accomplish from the session. W said she wanted us to "establish boundaries" when "messaging the kids" so that they would know that we weren't fighting but just needed to be apart. The MC advised her that her concern for the children was admirable but at this point our relationship should be first. I said the I wanted to do what it took to save our marriage.
After an hour and half of probing our history, states of mind and the issues we were confronting, the MC said she felt that MC would help us, but that she could only offer it if we both agreed to move forward. I said I had said from the beginning that I would do what was needed to save the marriage. W said she saw no reason to continue to discuss these matters. The MC said well if you can't both agree, I can be of no service to you as a couple.
Afterwards, we met to discuss a dissolution. She said it was important for us to present a unified front that we were both in agreement so that the kids would see that everything is OK (our kids are 30 and 22, neither live at home, so they aren't babies). She is concerned because the kids blame her and she doesn't want that. I told her that I only agreed with the dissolution because I don't have any other choice, not because I wanted it. I also told her there and in MC that I was going to be honest with anyone that I spoke with.
The next day I went to my daughter's and on the way spoke to our son. Apparently their mother told them that the MC said there was nothing that could be done and that we were dissolving the marriage. I told then that it is true, after the MC was told that W was not willing to go forward, the MC said she couldn't help us. But that prior to that offered to help us work out the issues.
Both of the kids had assumed their mom had told them the whole truth and both were hurt and angered to find out she had only told them a half truth.
I am angry that she didn't tell the whole truth and misled them. I am angry that she has turned our lives upside down. Our daughter only recently moved out and she considered her parents to be her foundation and rock. My wife has destroyed that for her. I am just angry.
The Counselor opened the session by asking each of us what we hoped to accomplish from the session. W said she wanted us to "establish boundaries" when "messaging the kids" so that they would know that we weren't fighting but just needed to be apart. The MC advised her that her concern for the children was admirable but at this point our relationship should be first. I said the I wanted to do what it took to save our marriage.
After an hour and half of probing our history, states of mind and the issues we were confronting, the MC said she felt that MC would help us, but that she could only offer it if we both agreed to move forward. I said I had said from the beginning that I would do what was needed to save the marriage. W said she saw no reason to continue to discuss these matters. The MC said well if you can't both agree, I can be of no service to you as a couple.
Afterwards, we met to discuss a dissolution. She said it was important for us to present a unified front that we were both in agreement so that the kids would see that everything is OK (our kids are 30 and 22, neither live at home, so they aren't babies). She is concerned because the kids blame her and she doesn't want that. I told her that I only agreed with the dissolution because I don't have any other choice, not because I wanted it. I also told her there and in MC that I was going to be honest with anyone that I spoke with.
The next day I went to my daughter's and on the way spoke to our son. Apparently their mother told them that the MC said there was nothing that could be done and that we were dissolving the marriage. I told then that it is true, after the MC was told that W was not willing to go forward, the MC said she couldn't help us. But that prior to that offered to help us work out the issues.
Both of the kids had assumed their mom had told them the whole truth and both were hurt and angered to find out she had only told them a half truth.
I am angry that she didn't tell the whole truth and misled them. I am angry that she has turned our lives upside down. Our daughter only recently moved out and she considered her parents to be her foundation and rock. My wife has destroyed that for her. I am just angry.
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