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Intimacy issues

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Now my past history s kinda sketchy
Basically I 've done everything but sex and with third base i did but was definitely peer pressured into it (I was too young)

Anyway now days i find myself denying my own feelings to myself, confused over my feelings but mainly rejecting people based on NOT wanting to get physcal sober
I cant explain it

Likefor example I never know f i like someone in that way because inside my brain wil say nono but sometimes t says yes.

Then im like quick to reject when im sober any advances even though I obviously do want to be physcal, its like i dont trust but I do.

And like the only way I an ac do properly anythng is ive drunk and actually its begining to leak into normal socialising like i have such anxety which means that i can sometimes drink more
But the man focus is the ntimacy issue which i both crave and reject at the same time.
Like i want it but when it comes to the point i reject itt

IFTTT

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