This is my story, im probably going to ramble on and on but, i need an outside opinion. Im at a loss.
I have been with my huband for 11 years, high school sweethearts, eachothers 1st everything, 4 young children (all boys ages 2-9)
Latley we have been fighting alot over the stupidest things, its gotten so bad he wants to leave me and I no longer have the energy to beg him to stay.
A little back story of my side of the family, My grandmother on my mothers side has been diagnosed with Historonic disorder, shes mental and has been her entire life. Its just normal to us now, we still love her. My aunt on my mothers side is bipolar, my mother has depression and anxiety. I experimented with drugs in high school before I met my husband and have been on and off anti depressants for the last 6 years also on and off visits with a counsoler for my entire life.
I have to say, the only reason I have tried the medications is beacause when we fight, he tells me, "Youre crazy just like your mother and grandmother, you just keep getting worse with age. Im not the problem here, youre the crazy *****, you need help." Always things like that when we fight. Its never his fault.
A little back story on his child hood, his mother was they type of wife that cooked, cleaned, submitted to her husband wether he was wrong or right. My husbands father was able to come home, relax, have dinner served to him, the kids would put on and take off his work boots, clear the table of dishes. His mom and dad have never been divorced, he grew up the baby of 4 born and raised in the same house his dad built by hand. his father was emotionally and verbally abusive to his mother, also his fathers dicipline style was border line abusive to the children.
I wasnt raised like that, my parents divorced when I was young, im the oldest of 3 siblings, my mother is now on her 4th marriage. I was raised to depend on myself, stand up for myself and speak my mind. Also my fathers an alcoholic. I was never spanked as a child.
So here we are today, im 27 years old and hes 29. My husband and I both work full time jobs. I work 40 hours a week and he works 12 hour days, sometimes 60+ hours depending on the week. Hes up at 3am sometimes. I get it, hes tired, i understand. But, we have children and a home. We are equals.
I get up at 5:30 am, get myself ready for work, get the 4 kids breakfast, dressed and off to the daycare. Work all day, go get the kids from the daycare, bathes, homework, dinner made and served to my husband and children. Then everyones in bed by 8pm. Not too complicated. I also handle all the grocery shopping, manage all the money, pay all the bills, make the doctors appointments, school functions, basically everything to keep us functioning.
My husband gets up, gets himself dressed, packs his lunch and is off to work. He works all day driving a Semi truck from Utah to Whyoming and back. Then he comes home and sits on the couch, goes to bed early, plays on his cell phone.
So, here is the issue, I NEED HELP!!
If I ask him to help with the kids or household duties he gets mad, all he has to do is mow the lawn, keep the driveway and his garage cleaned up, take the trash out and feed to animals. But, I still have to practically beg him to do any of these things.
I can be in the kitchen trying to cook dinner and load the dishwasher at the saem time my 2 year old is screaming in a messy diaper and hes lying on the couch and wont even look up from his phone. I get frustrated and ive tried talking to him about it but, he gets defensive and it turns into a screaming battle. He tells me im insame, I want a modle home and all i do is clean and do laundry, Well, yeah! when i have 4 little boys running around and very little help of course im going to be drowning in laundry and dishes.
I dont want to paint him as this monster but, why cant he help me when I ask? hes also a chain smoker, a CARTON a week or more.
So when I ask for help he says hold on let me smoke first. Why cant he take 5 minutes to change the screaming baby before he
smokes? I dont understand it at all.
And now its to the point where he thinks im boring, all i want to do is clean and im not the same person, he thinks i need help, meds counsoling. And nothings worng with him. Let me say for the last year ive seen a counsoler alot, got back on meds, read every marriage book i could find, made sure he had a home cooked meal almost every night, and uped the intercourse to 3+ times a week. I dont know what more I can do.
I have been with my huband for 11 years, high school sweethearts, eachothers 1st everything, 4 young children (all boys ages 2-9)
Latley we have been fighting alot over the stupidest things, its gotten so bad he wants to leave me and I no longer have the energy to beg him to stay.
A little back story of my side of the family, My grandmother on my mothers side has been diagnosed with Historonic disorder, shes mental and has been her entire life. Its just normal to us now, we still love her. My aunt on my mothers side is bipolar, my mother has depression and anxiety. I experimented with drugs in high school before I met my husband and have been on and off anti depressants for the last 6 years also on and off visits with a counsoler for my entire life.
I have to say, the only reason I have tried the medications is beacause when we fight, he tells me, "Youre crazy just like your mother and grandmother, you just keep getting worse with age. Im not the problem here, youre the crazy *****, you need help." Always things like that when we fight. Its never his fault.
A little back story on his child hood, his mother was they type of wife that cooked, cleaned, submitted to her husband wether he was wrong or right. My husbands father was able to come home, relax, have dinner served to him, the kids would put on and take off his work boots, clear the table of dishes. His mom and dad have never been divorced, he grew up the baby of 4 born and raised in the same house his dad built by hand. his father was emotionally and verbally abusive to his mother, also his fathers dicipline style was border line abusive to the children.
I wasnt raised like that, my parents divorced when I was young, im the oldest of 3 siblings, my mother is now on her 4th marriage. I was raised to depend on myself, stand up for myself and speak my mind. Also my fathers an alcoholic. I was never spanked as a child.
So here we are today, im 27 years old and hes 29. My husband and I both work full time jobs. I work 40 hours a week and he works 12 hour days, sometimes 60+ hours depending on the week. Hes up at 3am sometimes. I get it, hes tired, i understand. But, we have children and a home. We are equals.
I get up at 5:30 am, get myself ready for work, get the 4 kids breakfast, dressed and off to the daycare. Work all day, go get the kids from the daycare, bathes, homework, dinner made and served to my husband and children. Then everyones in bed by 8pm. Not too complicated. I also handle all the grocery shopping, manage all the money, pay all the bills, make the doctors appointments, school functions, basically everything to keep us functioning.
My husband gets up, gets himself dressed, packs his lunch and is off to work. He works all day driving a Semi truck from Utah to Whyoming and back. Then he comes home and sits on the couch, goes to bed early, plays on his cell phone.
So, here is the issue, I NEED HELP!!
If I ask him to help with the kids or household duties he gets mad, all he has to do is mow the lawn, keep the driveway and his garage cleaned up, take the trash out and feed to animals. But, I still have to practically beg him to do any of these things.
I can be in the kitchen trying to cook dinner and load the dishwasher at the saem time my 2 year old is screaming in a messy diaper and hes lying on the couch and wont even look up from his phone. I get frustrated and ive tried talking to him about it but, he gets defensive and it turns into a screaming battle. He tells me im insame, I want a modle home and all i do is clean and do laundry, Well, yeah! when i have 4 little boys running around and very little help of course im going to be drowning in laundry and dishes.
I dont want to paint him as this monster but, why cant he help me when I ask? hes also a chain smoker, a CARTON a week or more.
So when I ask for help he says hold on let me smoke first. Why cant he take 5 minutes to change the screaming baby before he
smokes? I dont understand it at all.
And now its to the point where he thinks im boring, all i want to do is clean and im not the same person, he thinks i need help, meds counsoling. And nothings worng with him. Let me say for the last year ive seen a counsoler alot, got back on meds, read every marriage book i could find, made sure he had a home cooked meal almost every night, and uped the intercourse to 3+ times a week. I dont know what more I can do.
Put the internet to work for you.
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