Another counselor session last night.. it didn't go well but it didn't go as bad as the first session. She wants to see us separate next. I do next Tuesday, him the following. Last night was the 'assessment.' She asked us a bunch of questions about how we met, our wedding, kids, adapting to changes, highs and lows, etc. I made the mistake of answering first.. really trying to remember things to answer the best that I could.. He seemed to just hang on to my negative words, if any.. play defense mode or try to use the power when I put myself down to push me down further. He didn't really answer the questions in depth. When she asked him what he liked about me, what made him want to marry me.. the answers were so vague. Like 'it was new, it was exciting, it was fun' nothing.. nothing at all that described me. I'm feeling a bit empty and depressed today. Didn't sleep well last night. One thing really stood out. When she asked about us moving in together, it was a year into our relationship.. he mentioned how I almost moved out already, on our first weekend in our place. In his story he went to measure a job and had a few drinks, he didn't think he did anything wrong and still doesn't feel like he did anything wrong. From my point of view, it was our first night in our place.. it was supposed to be special.. he went to measure a job and then stayed out for hours drinking and came home half wasted. I should've thrown the red flag then. Luckily I didn't because of our daughter that followed a few months later… but why did I stay this long?? She gave us packets to complete at home.. in filling them out I realized why soo far apart we could be strangers!! We don't know each other, have common interest or react well together. We can't/don't handle stress or conflict well together. We are not friends or lovers nor do we have any romance in our lives. SO WHY the HECK do I feel so sick in my stomach about this. Why do I want to try to save something that doesn't exist????
Put the internet to work for you.
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