Some advice would be appreciated. A while ago I posted something in "CWI" section but things have moved on so think it best ask some long termers for advice.
Married, 7 years, been together 14, 3 children 19, 16 and 7. Obviously 2 are from wifes previous relationships and the 7 year old is both of ours. Treat all the children like my own and am desperate to be happy for their sakes as well as our own.
I am 38, wife is 39.
Always had a fantastic relationship with a great life. We get on well, are companions, love eachother, nice home, good social, go out with individual friends, together and with mutual friends.
Easter time she went totally cold on me, moved out for a week or so, I then moved out for a few days still not knowing what the problem was.
On 1st May I confronted her again and she had had an afair with a guy from the gym. She said it was over because he dumped her but she wasnt sure if still in love with me etc etc (usual story... bad marriage, controlling, we had problems before etc).
Anyway, we have been working on things since then and gradually getting better and better. Week before last we spoke about an apartment for her to have space when she needs it (quiet time for reading, chilling etc to help not be so claustrophobic). I agreed and a weight was lifted off her shoulders and we REALLY turned a corner. Things were great and I was happy to support her to get us back to where we wanted to be.
Then last Saturday, she went out with friends and 'he' was there. She told me the whole story, didnt hide anything and although I was angry with the fact they spent a lot of time together, I believed her that she felt really awkward but didnt want mutual friends to know they had history.
Then on Monday we went marriage councelling and the councellor challenged her on the apartment. Wife got her back up and started to say she doesnt want it for "now and then" but wants it for longer periods of time.
To cut a long story short, since then it has gone down hill rapidly into the fact that she is moving out on Monday, for a "trial separation" with no real answer to the timescale etc.... there are no boundaries!
We agreed to have a date in 3 weeks and decide how things were going and if she was getting her head straight.
I HAVE NO CHOICE... I either agree, she goes and hopefully turns out for the best OR DIVORCE.
She says the fairytail is that after the separation (which will be longer than the 3 weeks obviously) she would love us to be happy, and together and for me to be the man I once was IN CONTROL of my own life and not clingy.
Help please.... I go along with it but go against my principles or I divorce and shatter my childrens lives as well as lose the woman I am in love with!!!
What should I do?
Married, 7 years, been together 14, 3 children 19, 16 and 7. Obviously 2 are from wifes previous relationships and the 7 year old is both of ours. Treat all the children like my own and am desperate to be happy for their sakes as well as our own.
I am 38, wife is 39.
Always had a fantastic relationship with a great life. We get on well, are companions, love eachother, nice home, good social, go out with individual friends, together and with mutual friends.
Easter time she went totally cold on me, moved out for a week or so, I then moved out for a few days still not knowing what the problem was.
On 1st May I confronted her again and she had had an afair with a guy from the gym. She said it was over because he dumped her but she wasnt sure if still in love with me etc etc (usual story... bad marriage, controlling, we had problems before etc).
Anyway, we have been working on things since then and gradually getting better and better. Week before last we spoke about an apartment for her to have space when she needs it (quiet time for reading, chilling etc to help not be so claustrophobic). I agreed and a weight was lifted off her shoulders and we REALLY turned a corner. Things were great and I was happy to support her to get us back to where we wanted to be.
Then last Saturday, she went out with friends and 'he' was there. She told me the whole story, didnt hide anything and although I was angry with the fact they spent a lot of time together, I believed her that she felt really awkward but didnt want mutual friends to know they had history.
Then on Monday we went marriage councelling and the councellor challenged her on the apartment. Wife got her back up and started to say she doesnt want it for "now and then" but wants it for longer periods of time.
To cut a long story short, since then it has gone down hill rapidly into the fact that she is moving out on Monday, for a "trial separation" with no real answer to the timescale etc.... there are no boundaries!
We agreed to have a date in 3 weeks and decide how things were going and if she was getting her head straight.
I HAVE NO CHOICE... I either agree, she goes and hopefully turns out for the best OR DIVORCE.
She says the fairytail is that after the separation (which will be longer than the 3 weeks obviously) she would love us to be happy, and together and for me to be the man I once was IN CONTROL of my own life and not clingy.
Help please.... I go along with it but go against my principles or I divorce and shatter my childrens lives as well as lose the woman I am in love with!!!
What should I do?
Put the internet to work for you.
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