My wife and I have been married for 6 years and together for 10 years. She filed for divorce 3 weeks ago. We don't have any children (mutually agreed upon for now). We met and started dating in college. Over the last couple of years, we have just been sort of going thru the motions, focusing on jobs, separate hobbies, etc. and not focusing on each other. We have sort of grown apart emotionally. Other than that, we have had a pretty great life together – financially stable, great house, wonderful jobs, fantastic friends. We didn't even argue very much.
About a 5 months ago, she told me she "needed space" and "some time to think". Over the next few weeks, I ended up uncovering an EA (possibly a PA) she was having with someone a few hours away in a neighboring state. I confronted her about it. At first she denied it, then she confessed that she felt like she could "talk to him about things". She doesn't feel like she can talk to me because she feels like I'm always critical, negative and judgmental. I asked her to stop contact with OM but she refused. She thinks it's too late to save our marriage. She says she does not love me like she used to. I kept monitoring her phone and contact with OM did not stop. So, after a few weeks of not making much progress, I exposed the affair to her parents, her sister, and a few mutual friends. I did not expose anything on OM's side because he is not married and I don't have much information on him, despite scouring the internet. She was very embarrassed that I exposed, but I don't think it changed her decision to want a divorce. In fact, she told me, "I was 99% sure I wanted a divorce, but now I'm 100% sure since you told everyone".
Adding to the complexity of our situation, she started a new career in January and I think she now feels she doesn't need me from a financial perspective. I think she's taking a long, hard look at her life right now and wondering what she has accomplished. She sees me as an obstacle to her happiness and thinks divorce is the only way out. I've been reading a lot about midlife crises, and she is showing a lot of the classic signs: new clothes, spending lots of money when normally she was budget-conscious, neglecting activities she previously enjoyed, emotional affair, etc. Her parents have both been sick recently too, so I think she may be coming to terms with her own mortality. I tell you, it was like a switch flipped one day and she was a completely different person.
As the weeks progressed, my wife wanted to talk about divorce and splitting the assets up. She said she did not feel like trying to save our marriage. She said she felt trapped, numb, and doesn't love me anymore. She said this is not the life she wanted. This was HARD to hear.
I don't know what to to…she has already filed for divorce and I feel like it's inevitable. She wants to be amicable about the divorce, but says if I keep resisting, she will go hire an attorney and just get it done. She has made up her mind and has just checked out. When I try to talk to her about what would make her happy, she says she would be happier alone and poor than with me. This is not the person I fell in love with. She is being very hurtful towards me.
I'm so confused and scared of losing my wife, I don't know how I should act around her anymore. I'm committed to this marriage and I will do whatever it takes, but she refuses to make any effort. Please help.
About a 5 months ago, she told me she "needed space" and "some time to think". Over the next few weeks, I ended up uncovering an EA (possibly a PA) she was having with someone a few hours away in a neighboring state. I confronted her about it. At first she denied it, then she confessed that she felt like she could "talk to him about things". She doesn't feel like she can talk to me because she feels like I'm always critical, negative and judgmental. I asked her to stop contact with OM but she refused. She thinks it's too late to save our marriage. She says she does not love me like she used to. I kept monitoring her phone and contact with OM did not stop. So, after a few weeks of not making much progress, I exposed the affair to her parents, her sister, and a few mutual friends. I did not expose anything on OM's side because he is not married and I don't have much information on him, despite scouring the internet. She was very embarrassed that I exposed, but I don't think it changed her decision to want a divorce. In fact, she told me, "I was 99% sure I wanted a divorce, but now I'm 100% sure since you told everyone".
Adding to the complexity of our situation, she started a new career in January and I think she now feels she doesn't need me from a financial perspective. I think she's taking a long, hard look at her life right now and wondering what she has accomplished. She sees me as an obstacle to her happiness and thinks divorce is the only way out. I've been reading a lot about midlife crises, and she is showing a lot of the classic signs: new clothes, spending lots of money when normally she was budget-conscious, neglecting activities she previously enjoyed, emotional affair, etc. Her parents have both been sick recently too, so I think she may be coming to terms with her own mortality. I tell you, it was like a switch flipped one day and she was a completely different person.
As the weeks progressed, my wife wanted to talk about divorce and splitting the assets up. She said she did not feel like trying to save our marriage. She said she felt trapped, numb, and doesn't love me anymore. She said this is not the life she wanted. This was HARD to hear.
I don't know what to to…she has already filed for divorce and I feel like it's inevitable. She wants to be amicable about the divorce, but says if I keep resisting, she will go hire an attorney and just get it done. She has made up her mind and has just checked out. When I try to talk to her about what would make her happy, she says she would be happier alone and poor than with me. This is not the person I fell in love with. She is being very hurtful towards me.
I'm so confused and scared of losing my wife, I don't know how I should act around her anymore. I'm committed to this marriage and I will do whatever it takes, but she refuses to make any effort. Please help.
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