Hi everyone. I am really torn and need some advice.
I have been with my husband for 20 years and have been married the last 3 years. Just as a background, we both have been married before and have grown children and grand children. He has always been a drinker but after being laid off from work off and on over the last 3 years his addiction has escalated to the point that even he admits that he's an alcoholic. I have told him many times that he should get help for his drinking and he won't. He is very high functioning and still does work when not laid off.
His drinking has pushed most of our friends away now too. We used to be invited to many gatherings and now we are lucky if we are invited to 2 or 3 a year.
I guess I should have seen this coming long before we got married, when he drinks (which is most nights) he gets very angry and always with me. I always thought I could handle the name calling and berating but 6 months ago I booked a trip with my best girlfriend (we leave in 2 weeks) and since that time things have been on a major downward spiral. He constantly calls me STUPID, asks if I am a MORON, calls me a *****, etc, etc, etc. All the while he says between sentences, but I love you. He has gotten way too controlling as well. I came in about 15 minutes or so later than normal from work last night as the weather was bad and traffic was slow. I work 75 km from work so a little extra time to me is no big deal. He kept asking me where I went and insinuated that I was probably somewhere that I shouldn't have been (if you get the drift). I have always been faithful to him and never would cheat on him but he seems to think that I have eyes for every man I come in contact with.
He goes on about wanting to have sex with another man or perhaps my girlfriend while on this vacation. So the attacking me isn't enough, he has to basically bad mouth everyone.
I got to the point last night that I took my wedding rings off and told him that I have had enough. This morning he asked me to put them back on.
I just can't see that anything will get better as time goes on. I have said to him that if the things he is saying are his true feelings then I don't want to be with him anyway.
I guess my question is this, if your spouse was always yelling at you and saying and accusing you of things like he is would you stay. I am an emotional wreck. Maybe I am stupid or maybe I should run far and fast.
I have been with my husband for 20 years and have been married the last 3 years. Just as a background, we both have been married before and have grown children and grand children. He has always been a drinker but after being laid off from work off and on over the last 3 years his addiction has escalated to the point that even he admits that he's an alcoholic. I have told him many times that he should get help for his drinking and he won't. He is very high functioning and still does work when not laid off.
His drinking has pushed most of our friends away now too. We used to be invited to many gatherings and now we are lucky if we are invited to 2 or 3 a year.
I guess I should have seen this coming long before we got married, when he drinks (which is most nights) he gets very angry and always with me. I always thought I could handle the name calling and berating but 6 months ago I booked a trip with my best girlfriend (we leave in 2 weeks) and since that time things have been on a major downward spiral. He constantly calls me STUPID, asks if I am a MORON, calls me a *****, etc, etc, etc. All the while he says between sentences, but I love you. He has gotten way too controlling as well. I came in about 15 minutes or so later than normal from work last night as the weather was bad and traffic was slow. I work 75 km from work so a little extra time to me is no big deal. He kept asking me where I went and insinuated that I was probably somewhere that I shouldn't have been (if you get the drift). I have always been faithful to him and never would cheat on him but he seems to think that I have eyes for every man I come in contact with.
He goes on about wanting to have sex with another man or perhaps my girlfriend while on this vacation. So the attacking me isn't enough, he has to basically bad mouth everyone.
I got to the point last night that I took my wedding rings off and told him that I have had enough. This morning he asked me to put them back on.
I just can't see that anything will get better as time goes on. I have said to him that if the things he is saying are his true feelings then I don't want to be with him anyway.
I guess my question is this, if your spouse was always yelling at you and saying and accusing you of things like he is would you stay. I am an emotional wreck. Maybe I am stupid or maybe I should run far and fast.
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