I don't usually pour my heart out like this but my inner circle of friends are bored to death of hearing about this and I am open to advice on what to do now.
I started talking to a guy on Grindr last December (2013) and we chatted for a few weeks on the app. He's a scientist and I am a medical student. He is 8 years older than me, which is a bit of a gap but it was never made apparent when we were out and about together. We clicked right from the get go, had a lot in common and it was quite surprising to have a normal conversation with someone else on the app. I told him I was deleting the app and gave my number for him to get in touch. We were actually chatting by text on and off for about two months before our first date.
We had our first date early February - dinner and drinks. It wasn't awkward at all. We just picked up where we left off from the texts etc and laughed and chatted all night. We also kissed and parted ways both well. We had a few more dates over the next month and things looked promising. I even cooked for him and introduced him to my housemates and I would say it was about 4 months of knowing him before we slept together.
Things went downhill after April/May. He wasn't showing much of an interest and was barely starting conversations / replying to me. Social media had turned me into a stalker and it was just irritating realising his 'last seen' and 'last online' and realising it wasn't going anywhere. I asked him bluntly where I stood. He said he really liked me and liked my company etc but said he doesn't feel like he's in the best place to be dating. He also brought up the age difference and that I'm a student and that he hates his job and has no real reason to stay in London or even in this country. I was a bit taken back by it all but accepted it. I was a bit concerned and we were chatting sporadically up until a point when we met and he told me more about the issues with his job... his father having cancer and his haemorrhoids. He had a lot going on and I was as understanding and patient as I could be. I said I would back off and said I would be there for him to listen / rant to if things got back.
From then, he never really asked me how I was or initiate the convo. When I started a conversation by text or via fb, I would get things like 'Oh had to have an enema' etc and he wouldn't hold back with details about his haemorrhoids. I know I'm a doctor in training but I'm sure about 80% of gay guys would run a mile if that was thrown their way.
I eventually got fed up of showing an interest and starting the conversations so I decided to defriend him and deactivate my fb account. I had exams coming up at that point and had just had enough of seeing his activity and presence. I even deleted his number. In my head, I needed to get over it like that. He then contacts me by text 5 days before my first examination and asks me how I am doing and how he's going travelling for a few weeks next month. I told him I had exams and that I had a 10 day gap between a few of them if he wanted to catch up for a meet. He agreed and said he would like that... but never followed through with it. I waited for him to text and when he didn't, I waited a few days and asked what happened with the plan - he said that 'he fell off the grid'. I don't know what that even means.
At that point, it affected my mind half way through my exam series. Totally self inflicted. All my friends were saying no, no, no and I just didn't listen. He then got in contact with me last week - this time on facebook. Note that I removed him from facebook yet he still messaged me through it?! It's so odd. He was telling me about his travel and how he was at the airport and jet lagged etc. It's as if nothing happened. I then messaged him back asking him about his trip and suggested we could meet up for another 'catch up' about our holidays. He said he would like that and said he needed to 'sort work and other crap' out first. He then talked more about his jet lag and the convo was so dry.
He changed his prof pic (public) and I messaged him after replying to one of his dry remarks about his jet lag and I said 'Very handsome prof pic btw'. He replied with 'What are you after!? :P'. He's livening up now a bit but where is this going? I don't even know what to say back to that.
I still like him a lot and that is literally the only reason why I am still messaging him back and putting up with the weirdness. We have been chatting for 8-9 months and met a dozen of times between that. Things were perfect right at the start and then it just declined for some bizarre reason. Now it's so random. I can't keep up with getting messages out of the blue. He only bailed on one meet so I don't know what to do about the next one.
I think I want to meet him more to get some answers from him. To find out what is going and where he is at. I need some advice. I can't imagine anyone else has gone through something similar?
Put the internet to work for you.
No comments:
Post a Comment