Good afternoon everyone. After struggling with this issue for the past 3 years, I have decided to finally seek help, so consider my first post a hello and at the same time a "Please! Help me!"
Our issue has nothing to do with financial shortfall, rather the opposite. We are not wealthy by any means, but for our rural area, we are considered middle/upper middle class. Combined salary is about $105k a year gross with my job providing the bulk of that.
My wife has two teenagers from a previous marriage and while teenagers are expensive, it's absolutely nothing we shouldn't be able to handle. However, my wife insists to the point of argument, that our bank accounts stay separate. She contributes what she has deemed as "her half" of the bills to my bank account monthly as everything comes out ETF. Her job pays a litle less than $30,000/yr gross. We have an $1,100/mo mortgage, $600 in combined car financing and no other debt. Total utilities including power, water, phone, internet, and cell are about $350/mo.
Today, she told me that her checking account was showing overdrawn because she forgot her car payment was coming out. Meanwhile, my checking account accumulates about $1,500/mo in disposable income that I transfer either into savings/401k/RIRA/extra car or mortgage payments, etc. I strive to keep $5k in my checking account just as a precaution.
Let me cut to the chase. We have enough money to live comfortably, but because my wife chooses to keep our assets separate, it causes undue hardship on her. I have begged relentlessly to join checking accounts to no avail. I think she is still trying to prove that she can raise her kids on her own, but they are no longer just HER kids. I very much consider them mine, and in fact am driving to Kentucky this weekend to pick up a car for our 15 year old daughter to surprise her on her 16th birthday (I already purchased our 17 year old son a vehicle 8 months ago. His dad bought him the first, which he totaled in a snowstorm we had last winter (another story)).
Routinely I hear things from her like "I'm living a lifestyle I can't afford" or "I'm going to have to get a second job just to afford the bills I have now."
I have no idea how to get through to her that we are a team and in no uncertain financial terms, a partnership.
Outside of this issue that has gone on since even before we were married, our life and marriage is pretty normal, if that word even exists any more.
Is there anything I can do to convince her to join forces here? Or does it sound as hopeless as it does when I reread it? I have gone so far as to call the bank and block anyone from depositing money into my checking account only to find that money in my account, without fail every month at lunch.
I know it's the opposite of what most people experience and I'm not seeking sympathy for my (somewhat) abundance, but it's no different in the fact that it's really putting our marriage to the test.
Our issue has nothing to do with financial shortfall, rather the opposite. We are not wealthy by any means, but for our rural area, we are considered middle/upper middle class. Combined salary is about $105k a year gross with my job providing the bulk of that.
My wife has two teenagers from a previous marriage and while teenagers are expensive, it's absolutely nothing we shouldn't be able to handle. However, my wife insists to the point of argument, that our bank accounts stay separate. She contributes what she has deemed as "her half" of the bills to my bank account monthly as everything comes out ETF. Her job pays a litle less than $30,000/yr gross. We have an $1,100/mo mortgage, $600 in combined car financing and no other debt. Total utilities including power, water, phone, internet, and cell are about $350/mo.
Today, she told me that her checking account was showing overdrawn because she forgot her car payment was coming out. Meanwhile, my checking account accumulates about $1,500/mo in disposable income that I transfer either into savings/401k/RIRA/extra car or mortgage payments, etc. I strive to keep $5k in my checking account just as a precaution.
Let me cut to the chase. We have enough money to live comfortably, but because my wife chooses to keep our assets separate, it causes undue hardship on her. I have begged relentlessly to join checking accounts to no avail. I think she is still trying to prove that she can raise her kids on her own, but they are no longer just HER kids. I very much consider them mine, and in fact am driving to Kentucky this weekend to pick up a car for our 15 year old daughter to surprise her on her 16th birthday (I already purchased our 17 year old son a vehicle 8 months ago. His dad bought him the first, which he totaled in a snowstorm we had last winter (another story)).
Routinely I hear things from her like "I'm living a lifestyle I can't afford" or "I'm going to have to get a second job just to afford the bills I have now."
I have no idea how to get through to her that we are a team and in no uncertain financial terms, a partnership.
Outside of this issue that has gone on since even before we were married, our life and marriage is pretty normal, if that word even exists any more.
Is there anything I can do to convince her to join forces here? Or does it sound as hopeless as it does when I reread it? I have gone so far as to call the bank and block anyone from depositing money into my checking account only to find that money in my account, without fail every month at lunch.
I know it's the opposite of what most people experience and I'm not seeking sympathy for my (somewhat) abundance, but it's no different in the fact that it's really putting our marriage to the test.
Put the internet to work for you.
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