:( I know separating is the right thing to do. We just don't get a long anymore. There is too much anger and resentment. We were never really compatible, things weren't great from the beginning.. but now 12yrs later, kids (one mine – one together), a house, pets.. we have been delaying the inevitable and torturing each other in the process. For the past 2yrs it's been getting really ugly! I took my ring off months ago. Divorce is brought up in almost every argument. One time he agreed to move out and we actually talked to the kids, but then I got scared and changed my mind.. I wanted to really try. And I did.. I really tried, I opened up my heart in ways I haven't in years.. and for two weeks I felt what a relationship and marriage should be. Then my heart was ripped out as we spiraled back down in the hell. The person who use to love me unconditionally is gone, that love is gone. And I feel so bitter towards the person I use to love with all my heart.. the person, at one time, I would've done anything for. It's over .. it really is.. so why are we having such a hard time doing what needs to be done and going separate ways?!
But splitting up hasn't been working out either. I don't know where to turn.. Every lead I've chased ended in a dead end. I'm beginning to loss all hope and feel completely defeated. I use to believe when's there's a will there's a way, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm having a hard time finding my strength. I don't have a strong support system. I pushed away most of my family and friends over the years. I have a full time job and a associates degree but in todays economy I don't make nearly enough to support my family alone.. even with our lower class lifestyle and I don't have any money saved. Our house is just too big for me to maintain by myself but living in a small town there is nothing to rent open and the few openings that do come up don't take pets and I have two dogs. He is refusing to leave our house.. and refusing to stay with a relative for a few months to be able to help me with the house expenses until I can get a second job and apply for assistance. The house has been up for sale for months.. great house, bad location.. only 2 people looked at it. Even if we did get an offer.. again back to nowhere to move to in the school district. I don't have any family in the district. Nor anywhere that would open their doors for myself, my girls, and my pets. My oldest is only 2yrs from graduating so moving out of the district is not an option right now. Living together for another two years could be dangerous to everyone in the houses health. The icing on the cake is my oldest daughters father, who has never been consistent or reliable, just lost his job. The little hope that I put in my child support payments to help my financial survival when my husband and I split, is now gone!! Ever here the saying too poor to get divorced.. well I think that might be us. I think we are doomed to live unhappily ever after.. the American dream is gone!! I feel soo trapped. Nowhere to turn. No hope! Sooooooo sad!!
:(
But splitting up hasn't been working out either. I don't know where to turn.. Every lead I've chased ended in a dead end. I'm beginning to loss all hope and feel completely defeated. I use to believe when's there's a will there's a way, but I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm having a hard time finding my strength. I don't have a strong support system. I pushed away most of my family and friends over the years. I have a full time job and a associates degree but in todays economy I don't make nearly enough to support my family alone.. even with our lower class lifestyle and I don't have any money saved. Our house is just too big for me to maintain by myself but living in a small town there is nothing to rent open and the few openings that do come up don't take pets and I have two dogs. He is refusing to leave our house.. and refusing to stay with a relative for a few months to be able to help me with the house expenses until I can get a second job and apply for assistance. The house has been up for sale for months.. great house, bad location.. only 2 people looked at it. Even if we did get an offer.. again back to nowhere to move to in the school district. I don't have any family in the district. Nor anywhere that would open their doors for myself, my girls, and my pets. My oldest is only 2yrs from graduating so moving out of the district is not an option right now. Living together for another two years could be dangerous to everyone in the houses health. The icing on the cake is my oldest daughters father, who has never been consistent or reliable, just lost his job. The little hope that I put in my child support payments to help my financial survival when my husband and I split, is now gone!! Ever here the saying too poor to get divorced.. well I think that might be us. I think we are doomed to live unhappily ever after.. the American dream is gone!! I feel soo trapped. Nowhere to turn. No hope! Sooooooo sad!!
:(
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